Broken Shadows
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Shikamaru is possessed! But this is no ordinary ghost...because this ghost is able to possess others and prank them! Watch out Konoha, Harry Potter is here with a vengeance, and he plans to stay! Can Harry find a way to return to the living, or will Shikamaru be stuck dealing with a mage who died before his time? Harry is an adopted Nara in this one.
1. Chapter 1

"_Sirius!" yelled a youth of about fifteen, with tacky looking glasses, green eyes and messy hair. He was wearing some sort of dress...and he was running right into a jutsu that was meant for the man with blue eyes and the same air as Naruto when he was planning a prank._

_The jutsu hit dead on, and the youth fell into some sort of odd drape thing...and then everything went blank as the blue eyed man screamed his name. But he was beyond hearing at that point._

_There was another, more pained scream before everything went silent._

* * *

He shot out of bed. Again with that damn nightmare? It was the third time this week!

He got up and went to the bathroom to get a glass of water. As he did he looked in the mirror. These nightmares were seriously cutting into his naps. It was even affecting his sleep during classes. Naruto didn't mind him helping with pranks, but even the oblivious blond could tell something was up.

Sighing, he decided to just lay in bed and hope to fall back asleep. It wasn't the first time the Nara heir had trouble sleeping because of a nightmare that made absolutely no sense at all.

Shikamaru got up and dressed and headed to the tabl y. He, like many Nara males, hated to do anything. However he did help with the dishes occasionally, just to annoy his father. Every time he did, his mother got onto his dad about not helping out around the house more.

Once he ate breakfast he headed to the Academy after he went to see Chouji. His best friend liked the fact Shikamaru went out of his way to walk with him to school, no matter how troublesome he claimed it was. Chouji had become an expert in Nara-speak.

He once explained it to a rather amused Shino Aburame about how there were actually varying levels of troublesome and it took skill to discern which one a Nara was speaking about.

Shikamaru slept through all his classes, barring the physical ones. His sleep was rather troubled, because the odd dreams kept coming. Chouji was rather worried, because he noticed it.

"Jeez...this is such a drag. With these weird dreams I can't get a good nap in!" complained Shikamaru.

"What are you going to do Shika?" asked Chouji.

"The only thing I can think of is hypnosis," said Shikamaru.

"Hypnosis? What the heck is that?" asked Naruto.

"Someone puts you under and pretty much allows your subconscious to take over. It's sort of like meditation, only you're asleep the whole time," said Shikamaru.

"Oh? And where would you have learned about something like that Shikamaru?" asked his father.

"Hey dad. What are you doing around here?"

"You've been making breakfast three times this week. Usually that means you can't sleep," said Shikaku.

Shikamaru winced. It was true that whenever he couldn't sleep and it was close to morning he made breakfast. It was an odd quirk of his that he cooked whenever he was really bored. The weird thing was that his mother had never taught him, and yet every time he did it was always delicious. After the third time it happened, Chouji's mother gave him lessons and some recipes.

As a result, Shikamaru quite often came to school with three bentos. One for him, one for Chouji, and after hearing Naruto's stomach rumble several times a week during lunch, one for the blond.

Shikamaru had a sneaking suspicion that Naruto had trouble getting food during the week, which was why he always brought extras.

"I think I read about it somewhere," said Shikamaru.

Considering how much he read during the week, it was entirely possible. Shikamaru had a set of dice that he would throw once a week to determine what subject he would read during class.

Sometimes it was fuinjutsu, elemental jutsu, or even the medical arts. Occasionally Shikamaru volunteered at the hospital, though the most he could do was basic first aid and possibly a few broken bones. Still the fact he volunteered had originally surprised his father and made his mother very happy.

"So how exactly does this hypnosis stuff work?" asked Shikaku.

"I can't remember exactly, but I'm fairly sure I know where the book I found it in was," said Shikamaru.

* * *

Shikamaru lay down on the couch, not really concerned. One way or another, he had the feeling that his nightmares might finally be over. Though he was a bit concerned about what would come out of this.

Watching the Western clock move back and forth, he fell asleep without realizing it.

It wasn't until he heard someone snapping there fingers close to his ear that he woke up.

"That's really annoying," he complained.

"It was either that or allow Naruto-san to throw water on you. I find snapping works a lot better for those under hypnosis," said the doctor.

"So what's the verdict?" asked Shikamaru.

"Past life regression, apparently. From what I can tell you have a ghost inside of you, and his memories are bleeding into your dreams."

"How bad is that?"

"While he seems very surprised to be in you, he doesn't appear to be harmful. In fact compared to most ghosts, he was rather polite and apologetic."

"Does he have a name?"

"Hari. Though from what I can tell he's from the West, so it would be Harry."

"Huh. So what do I owe you?"

"For the hypnosis? 1,000 ryou. I must admit, this was the first time I've had it succeed before."

Shikamaru paid him, and went on his way with Naruto and Chouji. They were still a little freaked out that he was possessed by a Western ghost. Particularly Naruto.

* * *

_**So your name is Shikamaru Nara? Sorry about possessing you...**_

Shikamaru nearly shot out of his bed.

_Who's there?_

_**Ano...my name is Harry.**_

_Why are you in my head?_

_**The hell if I know! The last thing I remember was falling through the Veil in the Ministry!**_

_So why can I hear you now?_

_**I...I think your spirit is starting to become in sync with mine.**_

_Those nightmares...they were of you falling?_

_**Yeah. I took the place of my godfather and fell into the Veil from the momentum. Next thing I knew I was reliving the moment while lying here. I had no idea what was going on until you went under.**_

_...Any chance I could convince you to leave?_

_**I wouldn't know the first thing about how to do it. I've been trying ever since I became aware I was possessing you, but I can't seem to at all. If I really **_**have****_ died, then I would like to meet my parents._**

_That's odd. Well, you haven't really caused any trouble for me, so I don't think I need to exorcise you. But if you start causing problems..._

_**Fair enough. If I ever figure out why I can't leave I'll tell you. I'll try to keep my memories from keeping you awake though.**_

Shikamaru was just about to fall asleep...when Harry asked him something that made him immediately think of Naruto.

_**So...since I'm stuck here is alright if I prank the teachers?**_

* * *

Naruto was still freaking out about the whole possession deal...until Shikamaru mentioned that the spirit was a prankster.

It didn't calm him down, but it did get his mind off the fact Shikamaru was possessed.

Shikamaru fell asleep during history...only to be awoken by the sound of the girls screaming.

He opened his eyes to find the chalk hovering in the air, and spelling something out. Unseen by everyone was a boy with messy black hair, green eyes with glasses, and grinning like a prankster. He was holding the chalk up in the air and spelling something on the board.

_Harry? Is that you?_

_**Ah, so you're awake. History always put me to sleep too. Check out Naruto's face!**_

Shikamaru turned slightly to find Naruto pale as a ghost. Dead spirits always freaked him out.

_Would you mind not freaking him out anymore? He looks ready to pass out._

_**Spoil my fun will ya? Can I at least freak out the fan girls?**_

_...Give me time to cover my ears first._

Chouji spotted Shikamaru covering his ears, and did the same.

Suddenly Sakura started shrieking, claiming that something touched her shoulder. Shikamaru could see Harry poking her shoulder...and grinning evilly.

_And there goes Naruto._

_**Oops. I suppose I overdid it. My bad.**_

_Whatever. Can you just go back already?_

_**Sure. You think anyone would notice if I possessed the other classes?**_

_Do it out of earshot if you don't mind. I don't want my hearing to suffer._

_**You got it!**_

Naruto was practically jumping at shadows all day. Finally Shikamaru had enough and paralyzed him with his family jutsu.

"Would you relax already? He said he would leave you alone since you're so freaked out about it," said Shikamaru.

"You means it's that ghost possessing you that's doing this?!" said Naruto in horror.

"Hari said he was bored, so he decided playing poltergeist would liven up the school."

"What's a poltergeist?" asked Chouji.

_**It means Noisy Ghost. It can be caused by children and young teens sometimes, but mostly it's caused by ghosts.**_

"A noisy ghost. He's just playing pranks out of boredom," Shikamaru explained.

"You seemed surprisingly well informed," said Shikaku.

"Hey dad."

"I take it this Hari is the one who's been giving you nightmares?"

"Not on purpose. He wasn't even aware he was dead until a few days ago. Why are you here anyway?"

"I heard about an incident in class where the chalk started writing on it's own," said Shikaku.

Harry appeared behind Shikamaru and snickered. He knew the real reason because he had popped over to the Nara estate for fun. The deer didn't seem to mind him that much.

He whispered something to Shikamaru who looked at his dad with an amused expression.

"Mom's giving you a hard time. You only came here because you were avoiding her and heard the ruckus from the street," he said flatly.

"How the hell did you find that out?" complained Shikaku.

"He told me. For some reason I'm the only one who can see him right now," said Shikamaru.

"...I know a few priests who do exorcisms," said Shikaku.

"You mean other people have been possessed before?"

"A few jounin. There's a reason why ANBU wear masks other than to keep their identity a secret. Sometimes after an assassination ghosts will possess the ANBU to make their life hell. There was even one Jounin who jumped off the Hokage mountain in an attempt to get rid of them. It didn't work but eventually the Hokage sent him to a specialist. He went through a bit of financial difficulty for a while but at least he doesn't have ghosts hanging off him."

"Mah, Hari doesn't seem to be that problematic. He doesn't know how he got stuck to me, but he has tried to leave. He just can't at the moment."

"What about the panic in the classroom?"

"He was bored."

"This is beyond troublesome. Are you sure he won't try to harm you?" asked Shikaku.

_**OI! I may be a prankster but I would never try to harm someone!**_

"No. Hari has no interest in harming others. Pranking them out of boredom, maybe, but not harm. He really took offense to that by the way," said Shikamaru.

_**I am so going to try that ghost paralysis on him when he's trying to sleep tonight! If you mention anything I will keep you awake all during class tomorrow!**_

Shikamaru hid a wince.

"Can you ask Hari not to do that touching thing like he did to Sakura?" asked Naruto.

_**I hate fan girls. They're so damn annoying. I like Naruto too much to freak him out like that.**_

"He said he likes you too much to do that to you. Fan girls are another story."

Shikamaru thought back to how Harry looked, and realized why.

"Considering he looked like a green eyed Uchiha with slightly paler skin, it's not to hard to understand why."

_**Oi. Just because I look like a damn Uchiha doesn't mean I act like one. That Sasuke kid is such a damn jerk!**_

"This is so damn troublesome..." complained Shikaku.

* * *

In less than a week, the Hokage sent a exorcist to get rid of the ghost haunting the Academy. Harry had been causing all sorts of chaos out of boredom. On the plus side, Naruto was no longer freaked out by him, because he always pranked the teachers who harassed him.

Shikamaru still didn't know why Harry kept an eye out for Naruto when he was possessing _him._ When he asked the teen why he wasn't possessing Naruto when he was so interested in him, Harry gave an odd answer.

_**I can't. That kid has something inside him that would make possessing him extremely dangerous, and I'm not stupid enough to piss it off...no matter how cool looking it is.**_

After that odd comment Shikamaru did some researching. What could possibly scare a ghost? Since Harry had given him a bit of a bookworm appearance, no one looked twice at the amount of books he checked out.

That was how Shikamaru learned the truth about the Nine Tailed Fox. At Harry's urging he confronted the Hokage who was very surprised that he had figured it out.

At least Shikamaru was allowed to discuss it with his father openly in the house. Shikaku confirmed his suspicions, and then surprised his son when he said Naruto was allowed around so long as he gave the compound a prank free guarantee.

The second Naruto heard that he quickly gave them a promise of at least giving them a week's warning before any prank on their members, and was soon a common sight at the Nara house. He was almost there as often as Chouji was!


	2. Chapter 2

Shikaku quickly figured out when Harry was influencing his son. And much to his surprise, he had yet to do anything that would hurt Shikamaru's chances at being a ninja. If anything he was making his son a more well rounded nin. Apparently the mass book reading and volunteering at the hospital was all his doing.

It wasn't until Shikaku happened to look at his son's eyes while he was cooking his own lunch that he found that the one with the cooking skill was actually Hari.

Though he did have a grudge against the kid for keeping him awake for two nights straight. Ironically enough his wife, when she learned of the ghost, had actually struck an agreement with the teen.

Unfortunately for him, it was to keep Shikaku awake during council meetings. Yoshino and Hari had come to an agreement to make Shikaku's nap time hell. And to make matters worse his friends were laughing about it!

At least he felt vindicated when Hari knocked over a bookshelf while the Hokage was speaking to one of the female ANBU captains and revealed his _Icha Icha_ collection for all the world to see.

The female jounin still couldn't look him in the eye after that. Naruto had laughed for ten minutes when he heard from Shikamaru.

* * *

"How are you Naruto-kun?" asked Sarutobi. After the 'Bookshelf Incident' as it was now being called by the ANBU (his guards had had quite a bit of difficultly holding in their laughter when it happened) Sarutobi was beginning to rethink allowing a ghost to stick around instead of exorcising the damn thing. This Hari was as mischievous as Naruto on his worst day!

On the plus side, Naruto now had another place to hide whenever the mobs came around, and he was eating regularly more often. His diet no longer consisted of mostly ramen and whatever he could grow in the apartment next to his. Yoshino had been appalled when she learned how Naruto survived on ramen most days. As a result Yoshino had conspired with Machiko (Chouji's mother, no idea what her name is so I'll call her Machiko) to insure Naruto at least ate something healthy twice a week.

"I'm fine Oyajii! Has that ANBU been able to look you in the eye yet?" asked Naruto innocently. When Hari told Shikamaru what he did, Shikamaru told Naruto who had laughed for ten minutes straight. Now that was a prank! Why didn't he think of that one?

Sarutobi coughed embarrassed. It was bad enough his addiction had been revealed to the female ANBU, but if anyone knew that he had trained the author, he would never hear the end of it! Asuma was still laughing about that.

"How has school been lately?" asked Sarutobi.

"It's fine. Thanks to Hari-nii the teachers leave me alone!" said Naruto.

Ever since Shikamaru mentioned how old Hari was, Naruto had taken to calling him Hari-nii as a joke. The ghost apparently didn't mind, and viewed the boys as younger brothers.

He even kept the bullies from bothering Chouji, simply by passing through them.

"I'm glad to hear that. No more nightmares about ghosts then?"

"Nah, Hari-nii usually wakes me up if it looks like I have one. He's as awesome as Iruka!"

Sarutobi sighed. It looked like Hari would be the topic of their conversation, again. While he didn't mind the pranks, he did wish Naruto would have a different subject to talk about for a change.

As it was, he had one of his best shinobi researching a way for this ghost to possess someone else and give him a temporary body...if only to show his displeasure at the bookshelf prank.

It had been a full year since Hari was discovered by accident, and the boys were about ready for their second attempt at graduating.

Unknown to Sarutobi, Shikamaru was actually teaching him about shinobi life, on the off chance he actually did get a body somehow. Hari liked shinobi, and found them interesting. If he did managed to return to life, then he wanted to be a shinobi.

"Do you think you can handle the graduation exam this time Naruto?"

"Yeah! Shikamaru's been helping me with my jutsu!"

"I'm glad to hear that Naruto," said Sarutobi. At least it wasn't Hari.

"Though his eyes sometimes turn green when he's helping me with homework. It's sooo cool!"

_Wait a minute, didn't Shikaku say that Hari's eyes were...DAMMIT!_ Thought Sarutobi.

By the time Naruto left Sarutobi had a massive headache. While he appreciated Hari helping Naruto, he wished the boy wouldn't bring him up so often. He might not have minded so much if he could actually _see_ the boy in question and had a better idea of the teen's character.

* * *

"Uzumaki, Naruto!" called out the chunin.

"Bushin and henge," said the proctor bored. If Naruto passed it would be a miracle.

Naruto put his hands in a familiar sign, and yelled "Bushin no Jutsu!"

And instead of an illusionary clone, out came a half dead pile of goo that resembled him.

He was so annoyed by that he used his Oiroke no Jutsu. He could already tell he wouldn't pass this time around either, so why not go for broke.

Two nosebleeds and an angry yell of 'FAIL!' later, and Naruto went to join Shikamaru next to the tree.

"How bad was it this time?"

"It was a pile of goo," he said annoyed.

"It's not your fault your chakra control is crappy," said Shikamaru.

"You know it and I know it, but I can't find anything to make it better!" complained Naruto.

_**Hold on. Isn't the bushin supposed to be a genjutsu class technique?**_

_Yeah, so?_

_**Naruto's genjutsu is so bad that it's pathetic, right? What if the problem isn't the chakra control but the fact that it's a genjutsu?**_

_...I hate it when you make a point. I'll ask dad later._

"Naruto, you want to come by my house later?"

"Sure!"

* * *

"What do you need Shika?" asked his father.

"I was wondering if you knew any ninjutsu based Bushin," he asked.

"...Why?"

"Naruto can't do a regular bushin. His genjutsu is so poor that it's worse than his chakra control. And bushin is classed as a relatively minor genjutsu."

"...Hari brought it up, didn't he?"

"Yes."

Shikaku sighed. While Hari was very helpful when it came to studying and sometimes jutsu, he was also a major pain in the ass sometimes. Still, he did bring up a few good points occasionally.

"I have one bushin that is classed as ninjutsu. But it requires more chakra than most genin have. If it looks like you're suffering from chakra exhaustion I want you two to drop it, am I clear?"

"Yes dad," said Shikamaru.

"When's Naruto coming over?"

"He'll be here around dinner. He mentioned a prank on the ANBU, and I thought it better not to ask," said Shikamaru.

Shikaku winced, but was glad that at least they had warning if Naruto was about to prank them.

Last time had been around the winter solstice when Hari mentioned a holiday called 'Christmas' that involved a man of Akimichi size and twelve reindeer. Naruto had immediately drawn a line between the deer and the Nara family which was why he ended up decorating most of the herd. The funny thing was that Shikamaru had helped him, since the reaction to the decorations was rather amusing.

It didn't hurt that most of the decorations were safe for the deer to eat, which meant it was gone the next day. Shikamaru had looked up a few local plants to put on them, and Naruto had used them. Though he still had no idea how the hell Shikamaru had gotten one of the deer's noses to light up like a lightbulb.

* * *

Naruto stood eagerly with Shikamaru and Chouji, who had come when he heard about this new trick.

"First off, I want to see how well you do with the regular bushin. This is mostly to judge how much work we'll have to do," said Shikaku.

Three cries of 'Bushin no jutsu' later, and Shikaku stared. While Shikamaru and Chouji were able to do at least one, Naruto had created a zombie like clone that when he poked it, was almost solid.

Suddenly he could see why Hari had brought up Naruto's problem with the jutsu.

"Alright. Shikamaru and Chouji, it seems you two have a fairly decent grasp of it. However Naruto yours appears to be halfway between standard and the jutsu I'm about to show you."

Naruto cocked his head. This sounded important.

"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!"

Now there were two Shikaku standing there, and a quick test proved that both were completely solid.

"This is the Shadow clone technique. It's classed as a Kinjutsu, mostly because the chakra requirements are above chunin level. Most jounin eventually learn it from others, and depending on how much chakra is put into the clone it can take independent action. However the chances of Academy level students being able to pull this off are nearly zero."

Shikaku showed them the hand signs. If they even started to display chakra exhaustion, he would stop them without hesitating.

"Have you got the hand signs down?"

The three nodded.

"Alright, then give it a try. If it looks like you don't have the chakra for it, I will put a stop to the attempt."

"Hai!"

During the first try, it became very clear that Chouji wasn't ready for the jutsu just yet. He had enough to pull off a few clan jutsu, but not enough for a solid clone. While disappointed, Shikaku did cheer him up by telling him about elemental clones, which took a bit less chakra to pull off, though he didn't know any.

Shikamaru surprised him by pulling off two solid clones. He hadn't known that his son had that enough chakra to create two of them. Clearly his son had been holding back. Either that or Hari was helping him.

It was Naruto who surprised him the most though. While it took him a few tries to get it right, with Shikaku occasionally correcting his hand signs (Naruto had a bad habit of misplacing his right index and left ring finger) once he got it right he created ten clones.

From what he could tell the boy wasn't even tired.

When Shikaku turned back to Shikamaru, he had to blink twice. There was another boy about 15 who looked like a pale, green eyed Uchiha and messy black hair standing beside a bored Shikamaru.

"What...? Who the hell are you?"

"Bookshelf incident," said the teen amused.

It took two seconds for Shikaku to put two and two together.

"You're Hari aren't you."

"Yup! Didn't know possessing a shadow clone would turn it into me though," he chirped. The boy had an odd accent and he had an aura that reminded Shikaku disturbingly of Naruto when he was planning a prank.

"You do realize the Hokage would like to speak with you right?"

"Yare, yare," said Hari, waving his hand.

Shikaku noted the boy had glasses which appeared to have been broken often. His posture spoke volumes about how his life had been. This teen had been beaten, regularly and he was as malnourished as Naruto had been before Yoshino and Machiko had changed his diet. He had the posture of a civilian, but the way he acted was like a chunin. And his eyes darted around like a shinobi assessing a threat.

All of it spoke of heavy abuse, and that the boy was well used to taking care of himself, even if it meant fighting. He probably didn't have that many friends growing up, and libraries must have been a safe haven judging by how much he got Shikamaru to read. And he wasn't a stranger to hospitals.

It was a miracle that he was as cheerful and friendly as he was.

* * *

"So you're Hari-kun," said Sarutobi torn between amused and annoyed. At least now he had a face to the prankster who had been causing trouble for an entire year.

"Yup!" said Hari, as if not particularly afraid of being in front of the Hokage. Apparently he was used to this sort of thing.

"You do realize that we actually have a policy on ghosts possessing shinobi right?"

"If they cause trouble then the shinobi has to be exorcised before he is allowed another mission. I read all the law books Oyajii," said Hari amused.

"Oyajii?" said Sarutobi, beyond amused.

"It's what Naruto calls ya isn't it?" he replied cheekily.

"Yes, but he's the only one who does."

"You remind me of my teacher. Old geezer who was too meddlesome for his own good. You at least try to keep an eye on Naruto," explained Hari. Apparently he wasn't on good terms with this teacher.

"You do realize that I fully plan to get you back for the bookshelf incident, right?"

"Oi, give me a break. This is the first time I'm able to walk around in physical form for a few years. And knowing Shika he'll be kicking me out with a clone from now on, if only so I'll quit bugging him," said Hari with a grin.

Shikaku coughed, as it was a very likely assumption.

"Why not Naruto's clone?"

"Shika is easier to possess...besides while I think the Fox is rather cool looking I don't want to get eaten by it. It was rather surprised that I wasn't freaking out when I first saw it."

"You've spoken to the Kyuubi?!" said Sarutobi in shock.

"He likes me because I don't mind being chased all that much, and the fact that I don't act like an idiot. He had quite a bit to say about the Uchiha clan though. Something about how it's their fault his one chance at freedom being botched. He would have ditched the village the first chance he had once he got out," said Hari.

"He spoke about that night?"

"He also started mentioning several painful and very unpleasant things he would do to the Fourth if he was still alive for sticking him into Naruto. But that's no where _near_ as bad as what he comes up with for those with the Sharingan."

"Why hasn't he eaten you yet? From what I know the Bijuu can eat ghosts," complained the Hokage.

"I listen to him and give constructive criticism when it comes to revenge. The fact that I treat him as an intelligent being doesn't hurt either. Shinobi, from what I can tell, treat Tailed beasts and by extension their containers, like mindless beasts incapable of thinking for themselves," Hari said calmly.

"So, now that you have a body what are your plans?"

"You mean besides helping Naruto train? If I can make this permanent I'd like to join the shinobi roster. Though if I get stuck with that damn cat I swear to kami I am going to make it regret crossing me. That damn thing always freaks out whenever I show up!"

The Hokage blinked. There was only _one_ cat that he knew of that everyone hated equally.

"You mean Tora can see you?" he said incredulous.

"Animals can see ghosts, particularly cats. It's a common fact. Though I do admit the curses those genin shouted when I freaked Tora out were particularly inventive for their age."

Something about that sentence brought to mind a complaint the Inuzuka had about their animals going nuts a few days ago.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're responsible for the Inuzuka Vet's office going haywire for four hours three days ago..."

"Sorry about that. I was curious if animals with human minds could see me. I didn't expect them to all go berserk at the same time just because I stepped into the office."

"Don't do it again while in ghost form, please?" he asked.

"So...am I free to go now?"

"I'm giving you the same speech I gave Naruto. If you cause pranks like the one at the Inuzuka Vet Office again, I will have Shikamaru punt your ass in a clone so fast it will make your head spin and make you do the paperwork," growled the Hokage.

"Fair enough," Hari chuckled.


	3. Chapter 3

With the newly acquired skill of shadow clones, things deviated from the norm. For one thing, when informed of the fact that he would get all the memories of the clones when they popped (something Shikamaru found out the hard way when Hari's clone popped and he got a rather disturbing mental image of his parents in bed together, sans clothes), Naruto started leaving clones in class so he would have more time before Iruka caught him and dragged him back.

Unfortunately for the poor chunin, while Hari respected him to leave his class alone while in ghost form, he was a closet prankster at heart. As such, every time Shikamaru punted him into a clone and Naruto skipped class, the two would prank the ANBU or others.

Though the Hokage did make good on his threat when Hari dropped a paint ridden Tora in his office when he was in a council meeting and then locked all escapes while lacing the room with fresh catnip. Hari's grin was very reminiscent of Naruto's while he proclaimed the prank was completely worth it.

The look on Sasuke's face when he first started appearing (via possessed clone) near the class was priceless. As Hari had been told, repeatedly, by the people who knew who he was, he looked like a green eyed Uchiha. The messy black hair and pale skin only added to the fact. It amused him greatly when people took one look at him and assumed he was a missing Uchiha, only to be disappointed when they found he wasn't.

Naruto, when he learned that his Hari-nii could now walk around like a regular person, immediately dragged him on a tour of the village with an amused Shikamaru and Chouji. Hari had laughed and allowed the cheerful blond to drag him around.

* * *

_One year after the previous graduation exam..._

"Uzumaki, Naruto!" Iruka called out.

Naruto walked in with a grin, eager to prove that he was a better shinobi than before. Hari had been very helpful when it came to aim, jutsu and the laws. To the amusement of Naruto, Hari's aim happened to be much worse than his own, yet for some reason he could catch everything from senbon to a fuuma shuriken if thrown anywhere near him.

With Hari's help, Naruto's standing had jumped from dead last to somewhere in the middle. Iruka had helped him when he could, but he had to teach an entire class and couldn't devote too much time on Naruto.

"Bushin and replacement Naruto," said Iruka with a grin. The only Academy jutsu Naruto had ever really had trouble with was the bushin, and thanks to Shikaku that problem had been solved. Iruka still kicked himself for not noticing the whole problem had been because the Bushin was labeled as a genjutsu. And Naruto had trouble breaking those, let alone using them!

"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" shouted Naruto with a fox like grin.

Naruto produced his standard ten clones, to the relief of Iruka. And then he replaced himself with Iruka by accident, out of excitement.

Iruka grinned, and with no little sense of relief declared Naruto a genin.

Naruto walked out of the room with a huge grin and a new headband.

Hari, from the sidelines (Iruka had allowed him in the classroom on the condition that he quit pranking the others in ghost form), gave him a thumbs up. He was the only one who caught the angry look Mizuki shot Naruto.

* * *

"HE'S STOLEN THE FORBIDDEN SCROLL!" was the shout that rang across Konoha. Naruto looked up from the ramen bowl he was enjoying with Teuchi and Ayame in confusion. From the tone of their yells it sounded like _he_ had stolen the thing.

Which was odd because he had been helping out at the Ichiraku stand since he left for the Academy that day. It had been Hari's suggestion to work there part time to earn some cash and free ramen. All Naruto knew was that for the price of doing dishes in the back, he got free ramen.

"Naruto, stay back there. It sounds like someone's putting the blame on you for stealing the scroll," Ayame said when she came back with more dishes.

"Where's Hari-nii?"

"I haven't seen him for hours now."

A white stag appeared from outside, and went straight to Naruto. It was Hari's trademark.

"_Mizuki has tried to frame Naruto for the theft of the Forbidden Scroll. Since he approached me while I was henged as you _(he looked at Naruto) _he assumes that you were following his orders. Naruto until I get this cleared up and Mizuki-sensei arrested for treason, stay put at the stand."_

Naruto nodded, his mouth full of noodles. Sometimes Hari used a henge to avoid his growing fan club who mistakenly believed he was an Uchiha.

Most times he just pretended to be Naruto and that usually got rid of them.

* * *

Hari went to the shack Mizuki had designated. Five minutes ago Iruka had shown up very irate believing Naruto had been conned, which was when Hari removed the henge to the man's obvious relief.

"I can't believe you pretended to be Naruto when you stole the scroll!"

"It was either that or have Mizuki be on guard against a damn ghost. Besides, Teuchi and Ayame can vouch that Naruto had been in the Ramen stand all night, since I got him that part time job working there after class."

"Part time job?"

"He does the dishes for Ayame in the back, and in exchange they give him free ramen and help him buy some new clothes. As much as he loves that awful orange jumpsuit, it's becoming rather frayed around the edges. Anyway, I'm better suited to catching Mizuki in the act...especially since the Hokage is watching at this very moment."

Iruka blinked.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy. His globe is used to see all throughout the village...and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if you used that to peep on the women's baths you perverted old geezer!" Hari yelled with humor.

(Elsewhere in the Hokage tower)

Sarutobi growled. He would get that brat if it was the last thing he did! At least his heart was in the right place, and he loved Konoha too much to jeopardize his stay there.

(Back at the shack)

Mizuki sneered at 'Naruto' who had just replaced the Forbidden Scroll on his back. He looked like he had just spent an hour practicing like he had been told to when Iruka had appeared a few minutes before him.

What Mizuki didn't know was that Hari had spent the time much more sensibly copying jutsu that looked interesting and more importantly, doable by Naruto standards. Only one of them had really caught his attention though.

_Perfect Clone_

_This jutsu requires the following 100 symbols in exact order, and requires at least high jounin level chakra and chunin level chakra control. A Perfect Clone is different from a Kage Bushin in that it can bleed and stays in existence for at least one year. While considered impractical due to the large amount of hand signs, chakra and control required, it does have one benefit that Shadow Clones do not have._

_Perfect Clones, when inhabited by ghosts, can essentially give them a second life. So long as the chakra inside the clone is maintained and chakra exhaustion is avoided, the clone can remain in existence indefinitely. There are even some reports of Perfect Clones inhabited by ghosts procreating and renewing lines once thought lost._

Naturally this got his attention rather fast, which was why he made very, very sure to copy the symbols _exactly_. Naruto had the reserves, and Shikamaru had the control. And according to the side notes it was possibly for two shinobi to create one clone.

The only downside was that the Hokage fully planned to drop his ass with the crazy Anko in retaliation for all the trouble he caused over the years.

The minute Mizuki mentioned the Fox, which was an instant death sentence unless you were A) Naruto or B) the Hokage who created the law to begin with.

Naruto suddenly grinned evilly at the man, which caused him to pause. Why was he grinning when he was just told he had a demon fox inside of him.

"You get that Iruka?" asked Naruto.

"You bet your ass I did. Mizuki just broke the Third's Law, and I have it on tape," said the chunin irritably.

"Instant Death Sentence for anyone stupid enough to mention the fox inside Naruto. And that's _after_ Ibiki and Anko are through with your traitorous arse," said 'Naruto' evilly.

Without a sound, 'Naruto' appeared behind Mizuki, who didn't have time to react as he cried **"Petrificus Totales!"**

Mizuki went ramrod straight and landed hard on the ground. Iruka looked at the ghost in surprise.

"Never piss off someone who can use the equivalent of Sage chakra," said Hari with a smirk.

Apparently that was the closest thing they had to magic, as such shinobi tended to call wizards/witches senjutsu adepts. Something about how magic was close enough to sage chakra for it to almost impossible to tell the two apart.

Ten minutes later the ANBU appeared and Hari went with them while Iruka went to be debriefed...and get to a hospital because he had taken a few hits to help the charade.

"Eventful night Hari?" asked Sarutobi amused.

"Meh, if by eventful you mean exposing a traitor and keeping Naruto from taking the blame...I've had worse."

"I believe you have something of mine?"

Hari handed over the scroll. He had been adamant about not giving it to anyone but the Hokage for security reasons, and the ANBU had agreed to it. It was a sound reason, since there were a few kinjutsu in that scroll that could really screw over the village.

"Where is Naruto anyway?"

"Ichiraku's. I got Naruto a part time job to help pay for all the ramen he tends to eat. He goes there sometimes after class when he can't afford a bowl and does the dishes for a few free bowls. Teuchi kept banging his head for not thinking of that sooner, since I know Naruto has gone hungry before."

"Will someone go retrieve Naruto? I have a few things he needs to know."

"If it's about the Fox, he already knows. He wanted to know why I never possessed him when he gets along better with me than most of the other people I prank, so I set him on the right path to figure it out himself. Shikamaru just gave him the same books he figured it out from."

"A way to tell him without actually telling him, thereby avoiding the punishment. I never considered that loophole," said the Hokage annoyed.

"Don't worry about him freaking out. Once I mentioned that the fox didn't have a grudge against him he calmed down. Besides, we pranked the ANBU pretty hard that week."

"I knew it had to be you two..." growled the Cat ANBU.

"At least I never bother you when you're about to go on a date with Hayate," said Hari.

"...Hari, exactly how many ANBU do you know the names of?"

"A lot of them, but the chances of an enemy getting them from me are next to nill. I really doubt anyone of Ibiki's level could crack me," said Hari with a shrug.

"In any case, since I saw the same jutsu you did, I'll just mark it as an A rank mission on your record. Please note that I will drop your ass off in Interrogation for the full course the second those two manage to pull it off," said Sarutobi irritably.

"Whoohoo! I get to play with Anko!" said Hari, popping the clone and watching the looks on their faces from the remark.

It was hysterical. Behind her mask, Yugao was twitching in disbelief, Sarutobi looked absolutely horrified that Hari looked eager to 'play' with the most sadistic Kunoichi in the Interrogation corps, and the hidden ANBU were torn between laughing and wincing. Hari snickered before he went to see Naruto.

He could only hope the boy didn't end up with the Uchiha and the Banshee.

* * *

"Hari-nii! Thank you!" said Naruto as he tackled the teen who had hijacked another clone.

"Easy Fox-boy! I'm just glad you were in the habit of going here after school. I dread to think of what would have happened had Mizuki actually tricked you instead of trying to get me," said Hari, patting the boy on the head.

"How did Mizuki get you Hari?" asked Iruka.

"Some tripe about how if I wanted to do a real mission instead of D ranks then all I had to do was steal the scroll and meet up with him after learning a jutsu. I saw through it immediately but I wanted to get back at him for trying to trick Naruto," said Hari.

Hari snapped his fingers and brought out a scroll. The one he had copied jutsu on.

"That reminds me! I need your help with something Naruto. Read the last jutsu on the scroll," said Hari with a grin.

"Perfect Clone?"

"Requires high jounin to Kage level chakra and a high chunin's chakra control. Sound familiar?"

Naruto's eyes widened. The last time they did a test for chakra, he had learned that was roughly where his level was at! And Shikamaru had been told that he had roughly a mid to high chunin's level at chakra control.

"Sugoi! This means you won't have to hijack a clone anymore!"

"No, it means I only have to do it one more time and that the thing will stick around and bleed like a real person," Hari corrected.

"I can't wait Nii-san!" said Naruto.

"What is this Perfect Clone?" asked Iruka.

Hari tossed him the scroll, and once he read the entire explanation, his eyes widened. With this Hari would have an actual body unless he suffered from chakra exhaustion. And with the chakra requirements it made sense that it would be on the forbidden scroll.

"When are you going to attempt this?"

"Before the team assignments. Shikamaru rarely uses his chakra and Naruto only needs a few nights to restore his reserves. Besides that way I can slip into the genin rosters without anyone the wiser. I can't wait!"

"You do realize the Hokage has a standing order to drop you in Interrogation the second you get an actual body right?"

"Yup! I can't wait to play with Anko! Her sense of humor is almost as interesting as mine!" chirped Hari cheerfully.

Iruka choked, because he knew the woman in question and her sense of humor. If Hari consider just playing and the two teamed up...

Poor Konoha would never be the same. It could barely stand with Naruto and Anko in it!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Everyone, the reason I haven't updated in a while is because my mother is in the hospital and I haven't been online since Christmas. I have been so stir crazy being stuck at home that I have up to chapter 13 already done.**_

* * *

Shikamaru, Naruto, Chouji and Shikaku waited patiently for Hari to show up. He had been helping Yoshino find clothes his size since he was slightly taller than Shikamaru and skinnier than Naruto. After today, they could only hope that Hari didn't use another shadow clone for a while.

While it didn't really bother Naruto it did get tiring having to make a new one because someone threw a kunai at him for annoying them.

Hari appeared in his clone, with a new set of clothes nearby. He was very fast when it came to getting dressed.

For this, he had to be inside Shikamaru so that when the clone was made he could take it over immediately. As it was, Shikaku planned to test something as soon as he was released from Ibiki and Anko's tender mercies.

After reading up on the Perfect Clone, Shikaku had found that the clone tended to take characteristics from the person who created it...which meant that Hari could have Naruto's absurd chakra levels and Shikamaru's ability to use the Nara clan specialty.

Shikamaru and Naruto started at the exact same time, with Naruto supplying the chakra and Shikamaru regulating it. Half an hour later, the two finally put the last hand sign in place and Shikaku could feel the chakra build up being released. A large amount of smoke came out from before the two, and he heard cloth being moved rather quickly, as if someone was getting dressed in a hurry.

When the smoke vanished, they found Hari standing there in the clothes that had been set aside grinning. In order to test whether or not the clone had been a success, Shikaku threw a kunai at him...mostly as payback for all the times he paralyzed him during council meeting to keep him awake. Hari caught the blade with one hand, though he couldn't catch the hilt for a change.

The blade cut into his hand a little, and caused it to bleed slightly.

When he didn't vanish because of the hit, they knew it was a success!

"Thank Kami! That was a pain in the ass memorizing all those symbols!" said Naruto.

"It was less troublesome than creating a shadow clone every other hour," said Shikamaru.

Hari handed Shikaku back his kunai, and the man noted that his hand had already healed, and grinned.

"Now what?"

Two ANBU, who had been on standby in case the jutsu actually _worked_ appeared.

Hari grinned.

"I suppose I'll see you guys later! I'm off to play with Anko-chan!" chirped Hari.

Shikaku choked.

* * *

Anko couldn't wait for the infamous Hari to show up. The kid had made it his mission to annoy the living hell out of people just for fun! And he kept flippantly referring to the interrogation from two of the biggest sadists in the job as playing with him!

When the kid came in, at first she thought it was an Uchiha who had managed to avoid Itachi. But when she saw those green eyes she knew.

Nothing they could throw at him could possibly be worse than what he had already gone through. This was a kid who had gone through hell regularly and survived.

He sat down, with that grin on his face and said "So when do we start?"

Anko couldn't help but pity this kid.

* * *

She _loved_ this kid! It took really skill at pissing people off to get IBIKI of all people to loose his temper. No matter what Ibiki did, this kid didn't even flinch! Sure some of the details he gave would make most people cringe, but this kid had more balls than half the jounin she knew!

And the fact he didn't even react to the snakes (hell, he talked to them and got them to slither on Ibiki to her amusement) really made her day! No wonder he thought they were playing!

She laughed with Hari at the look on the Hokage's face when he came to watch Hari squirm. He looked like hell had frozen over!

"I like you gaki! If you end up with a crappy sensei, let me know! I'll be glad to take ya on as an apprentice!" she cackled.

"You're on Anko-chan!" said Hari with a grin.

"Dear Kami...there's two of them..." muttered one of her coworkers, watching how the two interacted with horror.

Hari laughed all the way out of the building.

* * *

When Hari heard who his team would be, he nearly screamed. There was no chance in _hell_ he was going to be able to work with the Emo and the Banshee! Just because he knew enough to qualify as a ninja and could use the kage bushin like it was nothing didn't mean he wanted to work with those two!

The only consolation was that he was on the same team as Naruto. The blond couldn't be happier.

Sakura, when she learned _who _Hari was, nearly pitched a fit right then and there. She had been one of the people he hit most while in ghost form, and she hated him on sight.

Sasuke still couldn't get over the fact that Hari looked like a green eyed Uchiha.

And after the little test Shikaku did with Hari, his last name had been registered as Nara. The odd thing was that Hari was better at some of the family jutsu than Shikaku was, and he was the clan head!

* * *

It had been over three years since Harry Potter fell through the Veil in the Ministry. Three years since Voldemort had officially returned. Three long years for Sirius and Remus.

The only thing that kept him holding onto hope was the fact that when Molly went with her daughter to Gringotts in an attempt to steal from the Potter vault by way of a marriage contract that Harry had never signed, the goblins had thrown them out...and curtly informed them that the Potter Heir was still alive.

But for some reason his magical signature kept fading in and out for three long years. According to Goblin records, Harry James Potter was both alive and dead, which meant he was in a coma like state.

That is, until recently when Sirius went to speak to the goblin in charge of the Black account. Ripfang, who had been surprisingly helpful about his missing godson (probably because unlike half the Order, Sirius had been very clear his only desire was to find and insure his godson was alright), informed him with some surprise that the flickering on Harry's name had stopped...and the name on the record was as clear as day.

Which meant that either Harry had come out of a coma, or he was finally aware of who he was again. The only oddity was that the name had been added too, which only happened during magical adoption.

When Dumbledore heard of it from some goblins he was blackmailing, he immediately sent Fawkes to find his missing Golden Boy.

The war had taken a hard toll on the magical world. Children were forced to pick a side, and more often than not those who chose the Light ended up getting killed.

Hermione and Ron had finally graduated, though it had been hit or miss for a while because of their precarious position.

Everything seemed like it would end very badly for those who fought for Dumbledore. That might be why he was so desperate to find Harry and end this war.

Too bad Fawkes came back looked rather wet and attacked Dumbledore the first chance he had. From what Dumbledore could tell from his bond someone had tried to drown his familiar.

Someone with green eyes and messy black hair.

When Fawkes finally nailed Dumbledore with his claws, Dumbledore got a clear image at last.

It was Harry! He had grabbed the phoenix (somehow preventing the thing from dragging him back by force) and drowned him in a lake! It was only because of his unique ability to be reborn in fire that Fawkes had survived at all!

Unfortunately, Dumbledore didn't get a clear view of where the brat was, and the charms he had placed on the boy when he dropped him off at the horse bint's house had been rendered useless the moment Harry fell through the Veil instead of Sirius. And his blasted owl had skipped out long before Dumbledore had returned.

The hat had been particularly smug about that, because he alone _knew_ where the owls went when their time was up at Hogwarts. Most wizards thought they had gotten killed by spells or old age. The truth was that they simply went home.

And a large number of toads and owls had gone missing in recent years.

* * *

"Hari-nii, why did you drown that bird? I thought you loved animals?" asked Naruto.

"That bloody bird belonged to the same teacher who made my life a living hell. If I hadn't used a shadow clone to grab the damn thing it would have forced me to leave. And knowing that old bastard he wouldn't let me come back," growled Hari.

Naruto's eyes widened as he tackled Hari.

"I won't let anyone take you away!"

Hari laughed.

"I don't want to leave either. This is actually the first place where I've been free to be myself. Did you know I got an apprenticeship at the hospital?" grinned Hari.

"Really? I thought you hated them!"

"I hate being stuck in hospitals. When I'm the one forcing people to stay down long enough to heal..." grinned Hari evilly. It was an entirely different story when he was the one forcing them to stay put.

As it was, Hari was extremely popular with his fellow medic nin because his spells kept the shinobi put for hours once applied, which meant they were out that much faster. The shinobi always gave him dirty looks when he started channeling Anko afterwords though.

"Kakashi-sensei said it's training today, no D ranks..." said Naruto with a pout.

Hari growled. Kakashi's idea of 'training' seemed to be mostly team building exercises without actually instilling any team trust aside from a mutual agreement to make him pay in the most painful way imaginable from the genin.

As it was, the second Hari learned how to Astral Project, he was going to take over Kakashi's body while he was asleep and burn all his porno and declare them unyouthful. He had promised to warn Anko so she could record Kakashi's reaction when he woke up to find his precious porn burning.

He only needed another week before his revenge could take place.

* * *

Kakashi went to sleep feeling tired. Hari and Naruto had driven his sanity to the breaking point today. Unseen by his eye, Sakura and Sasuke were actually helping them when they heard Hari's plan. He crashed on the bed and went immediately to sleep, oblivious to the outside world.

Unseen by the snoozing jounin, a certain ghost smirked. Phase one, which happened to be driving Kakashi to the point were he became completely oblivious to his surroundings, was complete. Now came the fun part.

Hari slipped into the body, taking it over (not that way pervs!). Aside from a slight shift in Kakashi's snores, the man was completely oblivious.

His eye opened to reveal an emerald gaze.

Hari smirked. And then went to where Kakashi hid his collection. He had spied on the house before in ghost form so he knew where it was. As soon as he got all the books, he went out to the village square where Anko was waiting.

When she saw the green instead of Kakashi's dark eye coloring her smirk widened.

He dropped all the books down to the confusion of the crowd, and when he unleashed a simple Katon and declared them to be Un Youthful, they were shocked.

It was then that Kakashi, through some sixth sense, came to. Hari quickly escaped before the man was aware that he had been possessed into burning his books. The scream he let off before trying to save the burning paper was particularly satisfying to Anko, who was recording the entire thing.

Hari snickered, and then looked at Anko who looked like she was having a blast. A light touch to the arm told her to get on with the message.

"Your students asked me to pass on a message," said Anko, when she could breath again.

Kakashi glared at her, cuddling his precious porn while trying not to cry like a little girl. At least whoever had done this hadn't gone for the rare special editions.

"What was the message?"

"'Either you train us like you were supposed to weeks ago and quit trying to force the teamwork to happen, or next time it _will_ be the special editions and you'll find yourself hounded by Gai seeking to help you with your taijutsu for months'," said Anko trying not to grin.

Kakashi blanched.

"How the hell would they get Gai to hound me for months?" he asked horrified.

"The same way they got you to burn your own porn and call it unyouthful in a crowd of witnesses. They'll trick you into asking Gai to help you become more Youthful, spandex and all."

With how fast his face paled, it was a miracle Kakashi wasn't a ghost. After this demonstration he wouldn't take such a threat lightly.

A few days later, once Kakashi recovered from the rather nasty shock of having his replaceable books burned by his own hands, he finally taught his genin tree climbing.

Naruto and Hari tried very hard not to laugh at the look of distrust Kakashi gave them. Sakura didn't bother trying to hide her amusement, because she hated it when he ignored them to read those stupid books.

When Kakashi learned it had been Hari who had burned the books, he started to pay more attention to the teen. He did _NOT_ want a repeat!

The odd thing was that Hari actually looked like some sort of twisted love child of the three younger genin. He had Naruto's cheerful mannerisms (and quite a bit of his more painful ones), Sasuke's dark looks and hatred of fan girls, and Sakura's smarts with her green eyes.

It gave him nightmares when he thought about it for too long. On the plus side, since he had been given the warning to abandon the team training for a while (Hari had not so subtly told him that his methods were beyond idiotic and doomed to fail if he continued) he actually started to improve on their actual skills.

Hari, it turned out, was the strongest of the three when it came to skill, though chakra wise it was Naruto hands down. When asked why he was so good, Hari only shrugged and said he had been doing something similar off and on for five years before he ended up a ghost, and his cooking and evasion had been the result of a bad home life.

It was only after a particularly bad training session which ended with a chase of Tora that Kakashi finally read the psych report on Hari. His genin were all leveling some pretty impressive KI at the demon cat, barring one. Hari seemed to be completely immune to KI...though from the way his eyes dimmed it was clear that he was having trouble not snapping right then and there.

After seeing that, Kakashi was quick to drop the damn cat off and went straight to Ibiki. It was no secret that in revenge for all the pranks and outing him as an avid _Icha Icha_ fan to the female ANBU, the Hokage had dropped Hari off with the two biggest sadists in the Leaf and had come out horrified when Hari kept flirting with Anko.

He went into the Leaf Interrogation building...and he didn't have to wait very long at all.


	5. Chapter 5

The minute Ibiki heard what Kakashi wanted, he didn't hesitate.

"That boy is a walking time bomb just waiting to go off. Potent KI is just a disaster waiting to happen," said Ibiki flatly.

Kakashi was afraid of this.

"How bad is it?"

"From what I can tell, the brat was from a heavily abusive background. Normally this wouldn't be too bad, but that abuse was coupled with training and multiple near death experiences. The kid is a child soldier, and judging by his reaction to my questions about who trained him, he never wanted to be one. He was forced to fight, and he damn well knows who did the forcing."

This was even worse than he had thought.

"Give me a straight answer. Is he a danger to the village?"

"You mean a danger to the Leaf? Not a chance in hell. This kid prizes loyalty even more than most Inuzuka, and he definitely views Konoha as a safe haven from whatever the hell originally killed him."

"I thought he didn't want to be a soldier?"

"He didn't want to be forced into a fight of his own choosing," Ibiki corrected, "In case you haven't noticed, he chose to be a genin after getting that new body. He could have walked away then and there, but he didn't. While I actually pity any idiot that finally sets off the trigger, you don't have to worry about your genin. Hari will never harm those younger than him, and that goes double for his team. He may be a walking time bomb ready to go off, but he's _our_ walking time bomb."

Kakashi sighed.

"What would you recommend?"

"Train him hard and well, and pray he doesn't snap at the worst time on a mission. Either way you need to get him out of the village so he can hopefully vent most of his KI on some other poor sap," said Ibiki flatly.

* * *

"Eh?! We finally get a C rank! YATTA!" crowed Naruto.

Hari looked at Kakashi flatly.

"You do realize that their teamwork isn't going to get them through a battle with most enemy nin right?"

"Sink or swim. As you so cheerfully pointed out when you ripped my teamwork training to shreds, the best way to test their ability to work together is by throwing them into a life or death situation, and as much as you like Anko..." he left it hanging.

"This is to keep me from snapping on some foreign dignitary who was stupid enough to level KI in my direction isn't it?" asked Hari flatly.

Kakashi didn't even bother trying to lie, and just nodded. Apparently Hari was very well aware of his reaction to KI, which explained why he hadn't snapped that day with Tora. Hari, as it turned out, prized blantent honesty as much as loyalty.

Which told Kakashi that he had had to find a lot of things out the hard way. And most of those things wouldn't qualify as pleasant. At this point he just hoped that Hari didn't display all the symptoms of someone who suffered the worst sort of abuse for a child.

* * *

Kakashi simply couldn't believe the amount of control Naruto had on Hari's general behavior. While he knew about the mobs, this was the first chance he could see how Naruto reacted to others outside his normal environment.

Naruto took queues from Hari at any new information and reacted accordingly. Hari, in exchange, did the same to Naruto when it came to people. It didn't take a genius to figure out why. Harry was used to be the center of all sorts of attention, and he hated every minute of it. Attention meant people wouldn't leave him alone, and about the only person who could share a tent or room with Hari without having something thrown at them for snoring was Naruto.

He seemed hyper-aware of his surroundings at all times.

It was Sasuke who brought his attention to the fact he had been paying more attention to Hari all day rather than the surroundings. Even Naruto had picked up on it.

"He's just insuring that I don't snap on any of you," said Hari tiredly, rubbing his forehead absentmindedly.

"You snap at us all the time during training and missions," Sakura pointed out irritably.

"No, I bark at you. Snapping would involve scaring the living crap out of you and making you wonder whether it's safe to share a room with me at night when I'm half awake," corrected Hari flatly.

"He's right. Hari I heard your psych profile directly from Ibiki, and if my staring has been bothering you I apologize," said Kakashi.

Hari gave him a half amused look, but Kakashi noticed that his posture relaxed marginally. Kakashi realized the best way to deal with this broken kid who had been killed and given a second chance was to be up front about his intentions and be bluntly honest. If he didn't want him to do something he would explain why.

* * *

Kakashi watched the fight with interest. Like he had noted earlier, Naruto followed Hari's lead without question when the puddles exploded. He didn't even notice he was doing so until Sasuke pointed it out when the two chunin were subdued.

Sakura just stood uselessly beside Tazuna, kunai tightly held in her hand. Her eyes were wide with fear, and unlike the boys the only hardship she had ever suffered was being taunted about her wide forehead.

Hari didn't hesitate for even a moment, and was on the chunin without a second thought to his own well being. In his hand was an odd stick which Kakashi later realized was a wand and it inadvertently opened a large avenue of things which Kakashi had never even considered.

In less than a minute the two chunin had been rebuffed and subdued by Hari and Sasuke, with Naruto right behind them.

When Kakashi reappeared from his faked death, the first question set the tone for the rest, once they were on the road again.

"Hari, are you a mage?"

From the way he stiffened, it appeared that his guess was dead on.

"Neh, Kakashi-sensei, what's a mage?" asked Naruto once Kakashi was sure the Hunter nin picked up the Demon Brothers. Since they were credited for the capture, they would get a nice bonus when they came back.

"Mage is another term for magic user," said Hari tiredly. He could see where this was going and he wasn't too happy with it.

Naruto looked at his psuedo older brother in concern. He didn't like it when Hari was unhappy, because he was the only person to do anything about the mobs. Two years previous, Hari had made it very clear that anyone who tried to get anywhere near Naruto on his birthday with the intent to kill would be brained by sharp pointy objects sent their way from the Village Poltergeist.

(Hari already had a nickname among the Konoha elite. He was the Nara Poltergeist. Only time would tell if that would be his BINGO book listing as well.)

"Isn't magic banned in the Elemental Countries?" asked Sakura.

"No it isn't," said Kakashi quickly, "In fact most of the signs for magic are mistaken for chakra and most of the time people with magic end up becoming chunin and jounin. While mages aren't exactly welcomed with open arms we don't go out of our way to keep them out either."

"Oh come off it Kakashi. Even I know that's a load of crap. Mages in general are a pack of bloody sheep and will follow whoever has the most power without question," said Hari irritably.

"Yes, while most mages are considered idiots..." started Kakashi, but stopped at the look Hari was sending him.

"Mages, by and large, are fools. They will demonize a child for no reason at all and follow public opinion long before they try to figure things out themselves. This is doubly true for those who claim to have 'pure blood' and who look down on first generation magic users simply because they at least try to think for themselves. Frankly I prefer shinobi, because at least they don't lie about their natures," said Hari flatly.

"Shinobi lie all the time," Sasuke pointed out.

"Yes, but they tend to be more honest than mages. Mages will declare anything they don't understand evil without really trying to learn about it. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they branded the Shinobi lands Dark simply because you don't rely on sticks to use your natural magic and you rarely hesitate to kill someone who is causing trouble," said Hari.

Kakashi coughed. Hari gave him a look.

"They branded the place dark. That's why I haven't seen any mages besides myself after all the hell I raised for three years," said Hari.

"About the only people who come here are first generations and what amounts to their police force on vacation," said Kakashi.

"Aurors," Hari spat out the word like a curse.

"Ne, Nii-san, how did you die anyway? You're way too good to be taken out by a single jutsu!" asked Naruto, trying to change the subject.

"It was entirely due to my own stupidity and idiocy," said Hari flatly. Clearly he wasn't happy that he had died at all, but once he got over the shock he was glad it had happened.

Even Kakashi was interested in his answer. Naruto wasn't entirely wrong, because from what Kakashi could tell Hari was a very good shinobi, and it would take a lot to kill him.

"I had been tricked into thinking one of the remaining members of my small family was in mortal danger, and like an idiot I went to rescue him, even though he was older and more experienced. Had I stopped to think properly, I would have realized something was up right off the bat. Instead I rushed in like the fool I was. When I got there and I found that the entire thing had been a ruse, I did my best to help my team escape without getting killed or maimed.

"It wasn't until we were cornered and my godfather, who I had rushed in to save came in with back up that I believed for a moment we had a chance. Then his damn cousin threw a jutsu at him and I rushed in to keep him from falling into an artifact which would kill him if he so much as touched it. Instead I fell into the damn thing. Next thing I knew I was in some sort of office with a doctor asking me who I was. That's when I learned that I had died and for some reason was stuck in a kid who had I had never even met."

Hari then looked Kakashi right in the eye and said "And frankly I prefer it in the shinobi countries than back where I came from. At least here people are honest about the fact they are attempting to kill me, even if it's because I happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Do you miss anything of your home?" asked Tazuna, speaking up for the first time.

"Heh, if there was anything I actually did miss, it would have to be Hedwig. She was the only thing there that didn't see me as anything but Hari. I can only hope she escaped before that senile bastard tried to use her to get to me."

"Hedu-wigu?" said Naruto.

"My pet owl. Bossiest bird you will ever meet, but I loved her like a big sister. If I could have one thing from home without restriction, it would be her without a second thought."

"Well that may actually be possible," said Kakashi.

"What do you mean?"

"Owls are one of the Noble Summons, and they often go to the magical continents to learn what we call the Sage Arts, since magic is so close to it. How smart was she?"

"Very."

"Then there is a very good chance she is with the owl summons in Kaminari no Kuni. About the only other animal that goes to the Magical continents are the toads, and they generally don't like to talk about it."

"So basically I might be able to find her if I went to Kumo?" he asked carefully.

Kakashi nodded.

"In that case I think I'll asked Gai if I could join him and his team the next time they go to escort that merchant to Kumo..."

Kakashi gulped and hoped like hell Hari didn't pick anything up from those two.

* * *

Hari inspected the half finished bridge with a critical eye. It wasn't nearly as modern as the ones in London, but Hari realized that the simplicity of it rather appealed to him. Since the most it would have to deal with was traffic from people and possibly horses, it would last infinitely longer than most of the other bridges he was aware of and require much less maintenance.

At least the materials were roughly what he was familiar with.

It wasn't until he stepped foot on dry land again that his awareness shot through the roof. Kakashi's gaze immediately honed in on him, since he had admitted earlier that Hari picked up KI faster than he did. From what he could tell the boy was a natural sensor.

Hari slowly turned his head left and right, as if sniffing out the subtly laced KI in the air. There was someone in the area. Someone strong enough to keep a KI this size in an area that large and not have it fluctuate. When he honed in on the sensation, he picked out two signatures.

One was calm, almost ice cold in touch. It was the other that concerned him. It was feral, like the Kyuubi up close but much more bloodthirsty. This was someone who enjoyed killing and loved the scent of blood.

It was almost as bad as Anko, but Hari had never felt uncomfortable in her presence because he recognized the touch of betrayal in her aura. She had been betrayed deeply by someone she trusted with her life and it had left a scar that refused to even heal.

"Two opponents, one is easily jounin, the other an icy chunin. Either it's a bloodline or just their nature, I can't tell."

Kakashi spread his senses as far as he could and even he could just barely sense that much and he was looking for it. This kid had a real range if he could sense that much a mile away.

"Just how many tricks do you have Hari? You're a medic, a natural at ninjutsu and now you're a sensor."

Hari growled.

"While I was alive I found it easier to survive at my Aunt's by learning as much as possible. You won't believe how many times I had to eat raw plants just to avoid starving before I turned eleven. Took me forever to find a decent book on plants so I wouldn't throw up every time," he said annoyed.

"Maa maa. Just asking, because aside from your hair trigger reflex to KI I haven't seen any downsides," said Kakashi.

"I can't do genjutsu and it takes a good minute to break them once I pick the inconsistency out. Are we done here or are you going to let whoever the hell is waiting to ambush us come here first?" said Hari annoyed.

As it turned out, thanks to the advanced warning it was less of an ambush and more of a straight out attack. Apparently the Mist nin that had been hired had been aware of something brushing up against his KI and decided to skip the ambush.

Either that or the icy one had alerted him.

It wasn't until the man deliberately laced the mist he had produced with such potent KI that it made the other genin flinch that Hari snapped. Naruto tensed, then relaxed as he realized Hari's KI wasn't directed at him.

The insane cackling that would do Anko proud, however, he could do without.

Kakashi flinched when he felt what little control Hari had over his emotions snap like a frayed string. When he started cackling he very nearly shit his pants in fear.

Zabuza heard it and started to wonder who had snapped. He was rather familiar with such things, since he hailed from the Mist, but this was one that even veterans of the shinobi wars dreaded. The sound of a broken man with nothing left to lose and absolutely no fear of dying.

When the green eyed teen appeared running out of the mist with a conjured scythe, his eyes widened like plates. He could see in the boys eye's that he didn't fear pain, death...hell even fear was beyond him.

This was a man on a mission to take out any and all obstacles and damn the consequences. With the way he weilded that blade Zabuza wondered whether Konoha had allowed a Jashinist to join their genin ranks. When the blade nearly cut him in half, he dropped all thoughts and focused on the ever present _now_. That was the only way he would survive this, as he doubted Haku would be able to trick this madman into thinking he was dead.


	6. Chapter 6

The genin stared in absolute shock as Hari attacked like he was the one possessed and not the one doing the possessing. They didn't even know he had a scythe like that, and as Kakashi managed to get onto shore, he watched the battle with critical eyes.

Zabuza, the Demon of the Mist was not only losing to a fifteen year old kid with barely any shinobi training, he was getting his ass kicked soundly. Hari used the scythe like he had done it all his life, often allowing the momentum of his swing to bring him close to the nin and blast him with a slash of wind.

Hari was _definitely_ a wind element with that amount of control and no formal training. It was when Zabuza _finally_ landed a hit on the kid that things really turned against him, as the water shot up like a rocket revealing a very pissed off snake with glowing green yellow eyes and skin so thick that Zabuza's jutsu had no effect on it. His sword barely scratched it!

The snack hissed at him, and without warning a dozen water moccasins appeared and surrounded the jounin. The snake hissed again and the smaller ones attacked the masked nin. It was clear they followed his command. Right before he was about to be mobbed by several highly poisonous snakes, three senbon came out of nowhere and lodged themselves into the mist nin's neck. A second shinobi appeared, paused long enough to get a good grip on Zabuza and booked without saying anything.

Probably the best idea he'd had, thought Kakashi privately. Even he would balk at facing a massive snake the size of the bigger ones in the Forest of Death who could command it's smaller cousins.

The snake hissed, as if annoyed, and the smaller ones actually bowed before dispersing. Sakura was definitely about to pass out from fear at the sight of it while Naruto just looked worried about Hari. He was the only one to approach the massive thing and to Kakashi's concern he did it without hesitating.

The snake took a long look at Naruto before slithering on land and curling around him. Kakashi got a good look at the size of it, and whimpered. He was wrong, this thing was easily a good ten feet _longer_ than the ones in the Forest of Death. Suddenly the snake collapsed in on itself, revealed a tired but much more stable Hari.

Naruto tackled him without a word, relieved his big brother hadn't been eaten by the snake. Clearly he didn't know the snake _was_ Hari.

"Feel better?"

"Now that I've had a chance to vent at someone others could care less if they died? You bet your ass I do."

"At least you snapped at someone who no one would blame you for later. Though to be fair it was his own fault for leveling that much KI with you around. Are you aware you looked like a Jashinist on a mission with that scythe of yours?" joked Kakashi.

"Jashinist... Oh bloody hell, you mean those idiots who think masochism is worth having a religion over? I might be psycho but I would never willing worship some half assed god when I have enough problems!"

Kakashi couldn't help his reaction, he started laughing...until he collapse from having his Sharingan on all that time.

"Mah...this is so troublesome. Duck Butt, get your ass over here and help me drag him to the house. Pinky you're on watch for any other unpleasant surprises. Naruto, you back up Pinky and keep an eye on the drunk," said Hari.

The genin snapped to attention. This wasn't the voice of the sarcastic and playful Hari they were familiar with, this was the voice of someone used to people listening even if he hated giving orders.

* * *

Hari was on a razor edge and he was about to slap Inari when he heard the brat whine. He had gone through hell at his age and he would have killed without question if it meant a family like his...and this brat had the audacity to _whine_ about his step dad being killed for trying to stand up and show some balls? Not a bloody chance!

Fortunately Kakashi was awake by the time noon rolled around the next day, and Hari didn't bother trying to stop the genin from removing the mask. Or trying anyway. He knew for a fact Kakashi wore at least ten different masks at all time and had a genjutsu permanently on under that.

He also knew what Kakashi actually looked like but could care less. They guy had enlarged canines like his dogs, but that was about it.

"Alright, since Kakashi is going to be out for the count for at least a week, what sort of training do you want me to do?" asked Hari.

"I would say water walking, since we did trees a week ago. But with Zabuza around we may need to up the ante. I'm fairly sure I packed the slips so they can start elemental training."

"I can probably help with that. Asuma has been helping me get in touch with my wind element, since I knew for a fact that I had it. But a secondary element wouldn't go amiss. And I'm familiar with the other four, though lightning will be touch and go."

"Why am I not surprised you already know one of them..." grumbled Kakashi.

"Oi, I talk to Shikamaru regularly and he mentioned Asuma was a wind element. When I think Wind I think flying, so naturally I asked," said Hari affronted.

"Why flying?"

"I like to fly. There's a reason I'm so good at catching weapons. I trained to catch a tiny ball the size of a walnut with white wings made of gold that flew around as fast as a thrown senbon in broad daylight. I was one of the best and only failed to catch it because of outside interference."

"If you need help, just let me know. I'll leave them to you, since you have more experience in molding elemental chakra than they do."

* * *

"First things first. Channel your chakra into these papers. I need to know your element before we even start."

Three genin and one mage channeled their chakra together. As Hari had already known, he had a very strong wind element...and a minor in Earth. That one somewhat surprised him.

Sasuke had a strong lightning affinity with a medium one in Fire. Then again he was an Uchiha, so the fire wasn't that shocking.

Sakura had an earth affinity and a very minor one in water. Hari blamed her piss poor reserves for the response.

Naruto...had the same ones as Hari, to his amusement.

"Now that we know what your affinities are, we can start. Now, I'm going to do a small exercise in imagination. What comes to mind when you think of your particular elements? Sakura, you go first."

"Mud."

"Cute, but not what I'm going for. Let's try again. Naruto, when I say Wind, what comes to mind first? A breeze on a summer day or a strong gust of a thunderstorm? Does it flow or does it stagnate?"

"Ano...When I think wind I think of birds flying in the air. It's gentle, but it's also really, really strong!"

Hari nodded in agreement.

"Sasuke?"

"Energy, striking with force, like a hammer on a nail. The fire is like a force which cannot be tamed or controlled."

"Very good. Want to try again Sakura?"

"Um...landslides? Earth moving like water devastating all in it's path?"

It seemed while Sakura had the book-smarts, she was really lacking in creativity. Naruto lacked in book-smarts, but had creativity in spades. Sasuke had a bit of both, but wasn't good at either. As an Uchiha, they tended to copy first and experiment later.

It was little wonder Kyuubi just called them a pack of thieves who couldn't make a new jutsu if their lives depended on it...though he did have a grudging respect for Itachi, because he was the first one in a long time to at least try and make his own way.

Sasuke, however, he hated as much as his container did. He thought everything should be handed to him on a silver platter simply because of a bloodline that hadn't even woken up yet.

Considering the fact he acted like a younger and more deadly Draco Malfoy, it was a miracle Hari hadn't slapped him yet. However he also knew what it was like to experience death of your close relatives and parents, even if he was too young to remember it directly before the Dementors dragged it up.

That was the only thing that tempered his anger and irritation of Sasuke's attitude.

"Now that you have a decent enough grasp of what your element is like, we'll start the basic so you can get a firm grip of it's feel. Naruto, you are going to cut a leaf in half with your chakra. Sasuke, you'll have to ask Kakashi because I don't know much about lightning, but I imagine it has to do with crinkling it like the paper did. Sakura, I want you to grind your leaves into dust. Much like how rock becomes sand, I want you to crumble those leaves. Think you can handle that?"

They nodded.

"But first we're going to do water walking, so you can get a good feel of your chakra. That should make it a bit easier."

The genin gave him a mutinous glower. Tree climbing had been a pain in the ass before Hari had enough sense to ask Asuma for tips. Water walking might very well be worse!

As they watched him walk on the water with some trouble, Hari talked to them, walking them through the steps.

Once they had a decent grasp, and were walking on the lake with more grace than he had shown his first time, he talked to them. He kept their mind off the walking and control and on his voice, and it made it a little bit easier. If they could control it without thinking, then their regulation would be much better in the long run.

He had them ask questions which he would answer as best he could. He knew he was a decent enough teacher, after all he got Neville up to Fifth year level with a poorly adjusted wand and that took real skill.

Even Hermione had once admitted he made a better teacher than she did.

* * *

Kakashi, when he could finally walk without falling over, watched the training with interest. And what he saw honestly shocked him.

Hari was a natural teacher. He handled the genin with the ease of experience, and they patiently listened to him first. If they had a question they asked, and he answered them to the best of his ability and didn't care what anyone said. Even the really awkward ones like where children came from.

Two guesses who asked _that_ particular question...

While most jounin would have been annoyed that the kids paid more attention to the teen rather than them, Kakashi took it as a good sign. Hari didn't mind answering them, so long as it wasn't about his past. He didn't see the Uchiha heir, or the Kyuubi container. He just saw children who had an honest desire to learn from a good teacher.

Kakashi couldn't help but think he would get along famously with Iruka.

When Sasuke came up and asked how to do the lightning exercises, which Hari had admitted he had no idea what to do, Kakashi showed him. He had to say, he was impressed with how he got the kids to think of their element and try to come up with new ways to use it.

As it was, the second Naruto had a weapon to support his weight he was going to try flying. And Hari would be right behind him if the gleam in his eyes was any indication.

All Kakashi could think of was that this, at least, was a very good indication Hari wasn't as suicidal as he had displayed earlier with Zabuza. Though he did wonder where the hell that scythe came from, because Hari hadn't been carrying it and had already admitted he couldn't seal anything that big just yet. He could seal rations enough to feed an Akimichi for three days, but nothing that tall.

When asked later, Hari had almost no recollection after he had snapped, only the fact that Naruto had hugged him while he had apparently gone into animal form...and he had never had training on how prior to it.

The second he heard what it was, he paled and had said it was lucky no one had looked him in the eye, as the snake in question had a set of Mystic Eyes that killed when someone met it's gaze and was poisonous to give Anko orgasms.

Kakashi thought it was a little too descriptive, but had gotten a warning never to met the snake's eyes.

While the kiddies exercised with the leaves, Hari tried to turn into the snake again. Kakashi noted with some interest that ever since his first transformation his eyes sometimes went gold and green.

Kakashi decided to help the poor kid, in the hopes that he would continue helping the genin. They were already further along than he would have expected.

Hari had a rather soothing voice as he explained how things worked and why. When asked about magic, he didn't allow his personal feelings towards the other mages to come into the conversation, but rather explained how it worked. Needless to say he had a very attentive audience, and didn't mind Kakashi asking questions.

* * *

Hari had a habit of sleeping outside since the climate was rather pleasant and he didn't have to listen to the brat's crying over his father. Honestly, he didn't try to gain any sympathy and he was completely alone save for the Nara clan who had adopted mostly out of curiosity!

Though he mostly got along with Shikaku because he agreed to help with the animals and kept his wife off his case. Shikamaru treated him like an annoying older brother, and Hari treated him like a younger one.

It was because of this that Hari ended up meeting the same person who rescued Zabuza. He opened a single eye and gave the effeminate teen a look.

"Yo."

The teen froze, obviously not wanting to fight a shinobi who had nearly killed his master. Particularly when he was without a mask.

"Would you relax already? It's Zabuza's fault I went ape shit on his ass and nearly killed him. I have a bad reaction to the type of KI he was using and it caused me to snap," said Hari annoyed. There was no point in sleeping now.

"Your accent is odd," said the boy. Or was it girl?

"Not from the shinobi countries. Ended up in Konoha and spent three years just to become a shinobi. Frankly I prefer being in a village of murderers and killers than the pack of lairs and traitors back where I come from. So do you have a name?"

"Haku."

"Hari. You know if you're trying to help your master I can be of assistance. Kami knows how often I had to find plants to heal myself after my uncle took a swing at me," said Hari.

"Why would your uncle take a swing at you?" asked Haku, silently accepting the help.

"He hated me, and the fact I have a special kind of chakra only made it worse. I was practically a slave in that house. Here," said Hari, handing Haku a plant he recognized.

The two worked in relative silence. Finally Hari asked something that had been bothering him for a bit.

"Why does your aura feel like Ice? It's driving me nuts because I can tell you're a nice person, but I keep feeling the low hum of ice."

Perhaps it was because Hari was so much like himself, or the fact that he had given his word not to have a repeat performance like before that Haku told him it was his kekkei genkai...without going into specifics.

Hari seemed to recall an anime Dudley had absolutely loved that his parents didn't know about called _Yu Yu Hakusho_ that had a demon who could use Ice. When he mentioned a few things he had seen, Haku was very interested.

Finally the teen left, before informing Hari he was in fact a boy. Hari had laughed, and said that was the whole reason he had asked for his name, so he would quit trying to figure it out.

Haku left slightly confused but relieved. At least now he could warn Zabuza not to lace the area with so much KI, if that was what set off the green eyed teen's rampage and nearly killed him.


	7. Chapter 7

Hari stood in the clearing. By tomorrow Kakashi would be recovered enough to be of use, as would Zabuza by his reckoning. He was trying something with the Nara clan shadow technique. While he respected Shinobi a hell lot more than mages, he was a bit disappointed at how few of them actually tried to create something new.

At least they were more original than mages, who just stuck to the old ways and didn't try anything new.

What Hari was trying was throwing a large kunai or any weapon with a long thin chain tied to it and having his shadow follow it. He hoped to get it to a point where he could control the trajectory of the weapon with the shadow alone, which was mentioned somewhere in the Nara archives, but had yet to be successfully completed.

He stopped right as he was about to feel the pain of chakra exhaustion. Because he didn't want to lose his new body, he had become as acutely aware of his limits as an Aburame was.

He sat down to recover, snacking on an apple. He had already gained a reputation in Wave as someone who didn't tolerate the blatant bullying of Gato, and who would give children small baskets of food to take home. He knew far, far too well what the feeling of an empty stomach crying out in pain was. He grew up with it until he went to Hogwarts, and even then he had to eat small amounts before his stomach could properly hold the food.

He heard someone come up and a discreet pulse revealed it to be Naruto.

"Come on and join me fox boy. How's the leaf exercise going?"

"Slow. Every time I try to cut it on my palm the thing just spins like a top..." complained Naruto.

As if guided by another source, one which he wasn't familiar with, Hari decided to try another route. Something told him of a jutsu which created a ball of spinning chakra in the hand. He didn't know where it came from, but the source was fairly close.

As Hari described the jutsu, following the voice's instructions, he could see Naruto getting interested. It didn't take long for the blond to attempt it, only he didn't have any balloons to try it with.

Hari concentrated with his magic (which for some reason didn't drain him like chakra did) and created ten of them. He found his magic much more responsive since losing his wand and learning chakra.

He could create simple objects, but that was about it at this point.

Soon Naruto was trying to break the balloon with only his chakra. It wasn't until Hari mentioned currents that Naruto had the idea to make it go all over the place.

He could sense the pride in the voice, and not for the first time he wondered who it was. When it described the second part, Hari had him take a break while he healed the wounds the previous three hours had caused.

Then he had Naruto tree walk for five minutes before attempting the next part, which was to make the rubber ball pop. Naruto was still going at it when Hari told him it was time for supper.

* * *

"You're all going to die! There's no point in trying to win, because Gato's going to..."

SMACK!

Dead silence was heard in the house, as Hari attempted to get his anger under control.

"Brat, shut the hell up. You think you got it bad because your step dad had the balls to at least _try _to stand up to the tyrant and ended up dying? You don't know the worst this world has to offer. I've been beaten, starved, kicked and burned, and it was all thanks to my Aunt! All of that before I was even ten, and I was related to her by blood! No one ever stood up for me, and I had to learn the hard way how to take care of my own wounds. I would have killed for a family like yours, who actually gives a damn about you when I was your age. I swear to kami if you don't grow up and grow a pair, I'll strangle you bare handed," snapped Hari. His patience had finally broken.

Inari glared at him, holding his face where Hari had slapped him.

"Kid, you have it better than I did. At least you had someone to take care of you growing up. I didn't even have that. Hell, I was never even allowed to celebrate my own birthday or play with the other kids until I was eight. But I keep on smiling because I don't know how else to handle the pain," said Naruto seriously.

The two boys left the house, both fuming at Inari's attitude, when he still had a family who loved him.

It was Kakashi who told Inari what he knew of Naruto's life, and the kid started to realize how good he actually had it.

* * *

Hari came back near one in the morning with a tired, but very happy Naruto. A few hours and tips from the odd voice, and he had managed to get to the second stage of the odd jutsu.

The moment Hari crashed on the futon next to Naruto, he felt himself being pulled into the seal. It wasn't the first time, and Kyuubi enjoyed chatting with the mage.

Mostly because Hari offered constructive criticism and his own thoughts on torture.

This time was different. This time he was confronted by two spirits, one of a blond man with blue eyes and a woman with warm green and red hair.

He could tell immediately that they were Naruto's parents.

"Alright, what the hell? Why are you talking to me and not Naruto?"

"Simple really. You're more in sync with the seal than he is, and we're mostly fail safes at this point. As it stands, we barely have any time to chat anyway," said the man.

"I can fix that..." said Harry, hitting them with an Ennervate. Magic, he had come to realize, did wonders for him when he was running low on chakra.

The two stood up straighter, and it was clear the sudden rush of energy had given them a longer extension to talk.

"Right, now which of you two was giving me instructions for that odd jutsu?"

"That would be me. I didn't know whether you would hear me, but I figured it couldn't hurt."

"I know you're his parents, but what are your names?"

"I am Minato Namikaze, also known as the Yellow Flash."

"The Fourth Hokage. Don't be surprised if Naruto clocks you for the fox," said Hari dryly.

"Kushina Uzumaki. Nice to meet ya Dattebane," said the red head.

Hari chuckled. Apparently Naruto had inherited his mother's verbal tick as well as her personality.

"So how is it I can hear you? Is it because I already died or what?"

"No. From what I understand, you are descended from Shinigami-sama. We can talk to him, even if we can't speak to our son. He said, and I quote, that you are one of the three descendants who were granted a boon, and the only one who had any common bloody sense."

"So what do you plan to do?"

"Would you mind if we trained our son through you? At least that way he can be given his heritage no matter what the council says," asked Kushina.

Hari sighed.

"Sure. After all, it's not like I wouldn't have given and arm or leg just for a chance to learn about my parents at his age."

He was jolted awake when he sensed Naruto getting up.

* * *

Zabuza was slightly relieved the green eyed brat wasn't there. The look in his eyes quite terrified him, and for good reason.

People who had that look generally didn't stop until whatever was in their way died or they were taken out first.

As Zabuza fought Kakashi, he had to ask who the teen was. If only so he knew what to call him.

"Hari Nara, possibly the only adopted Nara who can use the clan jutsu. His nickname among the ANBU is the Nara Poltergeist."

"Poltergeist?"

"It's German for Noisy Ghost, according to him. He was a ghost long before he became a genin, and once he was made aware of his death he started causing all sorts of pranks. He's even pranked the Hokage."

Zabuza's eyes widened.

"How the hell did he get a Kage?"

"Dropped a bookshelf and revealed his _Icha Icha_ collection to a female ANBU. Most of the kunoichi were rather pissed when word got out the Hokage had the entire rare Platinum set of the series."

Zabuza couldn't believe what he was hearing. A Kage had the entire Platinum series when the things were more expensive than most B ranks?

"How did a Kage get the platinum series? Those things cost more than what the Midget is paying me to kill you!" complained the Mist nin.

As if hearing his master complaining about the expense of porn, Haku growled. He didn't like the series, as it was so full of plot holes and the raunchy bits were half assed.

He heard a chuckle from behind him, and his eyes widened behind the mask. Hari was by the ice mirrors watching him turn the Uchiha into a pin cushion.

"Do us all a favor and knock his ass out _before_ he gets those stupid red eyes of his. He's arrogant enough that he needs to train before he gets them," advised Hari quietly. Sasuke didn't hear the comment, but Haku did put him out of his misery with a few senbon.

"Naruto, don't go in there, as I am fairly sure Haku-kun would be obligated to skewer you and I'm not in the mood to deal with a Fuzzy induced attack," said Hari, still leaning against the bridge.

"Why aren't you trying to take me out?" asked Haku honestly confused.

"I just saw Gato heading this way with a large numbers of mercenaries about five minutes ago. I don't think he plans to pay your master, and if that's the case Zabuza is going to be pissed enough to want to kill the midget anyway as his contract is voided. And that being the case, it's easier to conserve energy so I can possibly kick some ass," said Hari bluntly.

"Gato is coming? Here?" said Haku sharply.

"Yup. With at least a hundred mercs. If he doesn't, then we can get to the obligatory fight. Sound fair?"

"About how far were they?"

Haku got his answer when the mist cleared, revealing Zabuza and Kakashi at a stalemate with a lot of dogs on the missing nin and Kakashi ready to skewer the nin.

"Oi Scarecrow! Don't bother trying to kill him, Gato's heading this way with a hundred mercs!" Hari yelled out.

"HE'S WHAT?!" said Zabuza pissed.

"Naruto just kicked some samurai wannabes who went to kidnap Tsunami...she's perfectly fine, no worse for wear by the way...and I noticed some odd chakra signatures in the east. Naruto and I went to check it out and overheard Gato gloating about how he was going to renege on the mission he gave you and how he plans to kill everyone on the bridge. He'll be here in a few minutes," said Hari calmly.

Sure enough, five minutes later Gato appeared. He didn't expect to see a pissed off Zabuza, an annoyed Kakashi, and an alive Haku waiting with an eager Hari.

Though Kakashi have time to ask why he had Haku knock Sasuke out before he even had a chance at gaining the Sharingan.

"Kakashi, I somewhat respect you as a teacher, but you clearly missed the signs this kid has been giving off. If he gained the Sharingan now, when he was completely unready to handle the responsibility of the eyes, there is a very, very high chance he would abandon the village the second he had a good offer on enough power to kill his brother. I, unlike a majority of the civilian council, am not a complete idiot. He can wait to gain those eyes."

Naruto snorted, but he was in complete agreement.

"Besides...this way we can bring up his skill level to the point where he _won't_ rely on his eye like most of his kin did. The Kyuubi has admitted that of the Uchiha who have gained the Sharingan, the only one who has even remotely earned his respect was Itachi," said Hari flatly.

"What about me?" asked Kakashi.

"Transplanted, not inherited. You don't count, because you got yours after it was awakened by a proper Uchiha. And by the way, the one who mentioned that was your teacher," said Hari amused.

Before he could ask what the hell he meant by that, Gato had already sent a good portion of his thugs to kill the nin on the bridge. Naruto had been given the all important task of protecting both Sakura (who was beyond useless) and Tazuna (who was a civilian and not trained to fight) while Hari and Haku took out the initial wave of mercs.

The two worked surprisingly very well together, as Hari blasted the mercs and covered for Haku while he struck with needles. When Hari somehow summoned the same scythe he had used on Zabuza (with no clear idea _how_ he brought that thing out when he didn't OWN a scythe to begin with) the mercs really began to sweat.

Zabuza gleefully took his sword and charged at the midget fully intent on killing him. Since he never really liked Gato to begin with, the fact the man was stupid enough to try and kill him (thereby voiding any contract he had) he was fully justified in slitting the man's throat. He only vaguely noticed Haku and Hari double teaming to give him a clear path.

The minute Gato's head rolled on the bridge, the mercs gave them dirty looks. They would have considered attacking the nin anyway, since it was obvious that they were all tired (with the exception of the blond, who didn't look that bright to begin with and the pink haired girl who was obviously useless)...except Inari chose that time to arrive with most of Wave carrying weapons. And it was clear they _would_ fight if pushed.

They wisely chose to give it up as a bad job, and went back to what they were doing before being recruited.

* * *

"So Haku, what's your opinion of Green Eyes?" asked Zabuza. They were back in their base, but had decided to meet up with the Konoha nin once the bridge was finally done.

Zabuza was very interested in Hari Nara.

"He's...strange. But in a good way. He didn't even react when I mentioned I could use Ice."

Zabuza's nonexistent eyebrows shot up. Haku hated mentioning his kekkei genkai to strangers. For him to reveal that much to an enemy on their first meeting was not only unusual, it was unheard of!

"Give me an honest answer. Like why, for instance, did the brat have such an extreme reaction to my KI?"

"Ah. Hari mentioned the reason he reacted like that was because he had been under a great deal of stress and had yet to vent his anger towards something he had no control over. The fact that your KI was psychotic and bloodthirsty in nature only made it worse. He also said that part of the reason why Kakashi even agreed to do a C rank with a team that can barely work together without violence is because he wanted to keep Hari from letting go inside village limits," admitted Haku.

"You've got to be kidding me. The brat was a time bomb until I accidentally pissed him off?!"

Haku nodded.

"Shit. What about those odd abilities of his? I think Kakashi mentioned his name was Nara..."

"He's adopted into the family, and even then there were mitigating circumstances. Something about possessing the clan heir by accident."

"You've going to be joking. A ghost can't up and get a new body!"

"He can. He has a knack for possessing others once he was made aware that he had been killed. Apparently he used this skill to prank his sensei into actually teaching him..." said Haku, trying not to grin when Hari had mentioned _how_ he had pranked Kakashi.

He fully planned to use that on Zabuza if given half a chance.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you TheBlackSeaReaper for betaing the updates I had loaded onto the site! You are officially my new favorite beta!**_

* * *

"How is it that you leave the village to finally vent whatever anger you have towards Mages and you came back with one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist and his apprentice with an almost extinct Kekkei Genkai?" asked Sarutobi rhetorically.

"Told Ibiki my luck was beyond odd. This sort of crap happens to me so often it's not even funny anymore," complained Hari cheerfully.

"If we can find another willing genin you would be able to have a team all your own," said Sarutobi.

"Yeah, but what are the odds someone would be willing to work with the infamous Nara ghost who caused so much hell over the years and a former Mist nin?" asked Hari.

* * *

Hari took one look at the Sasuke look alike and started banging his head on the tree.

"Why _(bang)_ do _(bang)_ I _(bang)_ tempt _(bang)_ fate _(bang)_ by _(bang)_ asking _(bang)_ stupid _(bang)_ questions?" asked Hari.

Haku was trying very hard not to laugh while Hari looked like he wanted to bang his head against the tree again. When Sai attempted to come up with a nickname for his new 'team' he nearly castrated the boy.

Just because he looked as much like a girl as Neji Hyuuga _(elsewhere the boy sneezed all over Lee, and caused Gai to drag him into a much longer Youth Inspired training session to his horror)_ did not mean he could call him Dickless!

Sai's nickname for Hari ended up being Ghosty, which he had no problem with.

"For the record Sai, I would recommend changing Haku's nickname to Icy or something similar. Otherwise you will have to deal with him turning you into a pincushion," said Hari.

Sai looked at Haku with all seriousness and asked "Will Frosty work?"

Hari nearly choked. He was calling Haku after a beloved children's solstice story?

Haku's glared dropped marginally and his senbon were lowered just a bit.

"Better."

"So who's the jounin sensei?" asked Hari, coughing to cover his amusement.

"Not Zabuza, unfortunately. Unlike Kiri, there apparently is a law about being the jounin sensei of close relatives, and since I happen to be his adopted son..." Haku left that hanging.

Hari perked up. Then he turned around...and found his new teacher. His grin was wide, and if it hadn't been matched by their new sensei it would have inspired real fear and trepidation while dealing with him.

As it was, Anko couldn't wait to cause all out havoc on the poor, poor village in the name of training.

"Dear kami...it's a female Zabuza..." muttered Haku.

"Whoohoo! We get the most awesome hottie in the Leaf as our sensei! Things are looking up!" crowed Hari.

* * *

Hari was the only one not trying to kill their sensei after a week of getting to know her. Anko was a hard task master and she expected only the best of her new students. Then again, Haku was seriously questioning Hari's taste in women because he kept flirting with the sadistic kunoichi.

And he was trying very hard not to cheer when he finally got the mission he had been waiting for.

They were to act as diplomats in an attempt to try and open a trade agreement with Kumo. Which meant they were going to be in Kaminari no Kuni, which had the Owl summons.

Hari really, really wanted to see if Hedwig was in fact there, because if she was his life would get infinitely better. He could only hope she didn't kick his ass too bad for falling through the Veil like a moron.

"So what has you so happy?" asked Haku finally.

"There is a very, very high chance I might be able to see my owl again. She was the only thing I would miss now that I'm free of those morons who dare to call themselves magic users."

"Yeah yeah. I still can't believe you didn't tell me you could turn into such a kickass snake!" barked Anko.

"Anko, I had absolutely no freakin' idea my animal form _was_ a basilisk. I assumed it would be a deer like my patronus," Hari explained patiently.

"I can't stand this. How the hell are you not giving her an intent to kill like us? You shamelessly flirt with the woman who has been giving us nothing but grief for an entire week!" said Haku, who looked ready to pull out his hair.

"Simple, my dear Frosty. You do recall that I was once a ghost, right?"

"As many have warned me about your little hijacking trick after what you did to Kakashi," said Haku.

"I've already died once. What the hell could she do to me that I would actually _fear_ at this point? Hell I used to deal with monsters that embodied fear and I mostly consider them an annoyance. Hearing my parents die gets rather tedious at some point," said Hari patiently.

"Hearing your parents die?" asked Sai.

"Dementors...the most foul and loathsome creatures ever created by Kami-sama, have this annoying as hell tendency to make you relive your worst memories whenever one is within a certain distance of them. In my case my parent's death and the time I failed to save someone who could have been a friend. Took me months to finally cast the spell to get rid of the damn things. Hell, when faced by another creature whose soul purpose is to feed on fear, which is called a boggart, it turned into one of the beasts."

"How bad is a boggart?"

"It's a sort of shade that turns into whatever you fear the most. They favor small cramp spaces like closets, drawers, and dressers. The best way to get rid of them is to laugh, or cast the counter spell which is 'Riddikulus'."

"Why do you want an owl summons anyway?"

"I like owls. Almost as much as I like snakes. Besides, Hedwig was the only creature back in the magical continents who didn't give a two shits about my lightning scar or my fame. She was the only one who stood by my side right up until I died," said Hari with love in his voice.

Sai made a note of that. This owl seemed to be very important to him. More so than his own life at any rate. Then again why would a ghost fear death?

* * *

Hari was impressed by Kumo. He was not, however, happy with their escort. Apparently the Raikage had a...quirky...sense of humor on par with Anko, because the jounin he assigned was annoying as hell.

He also happened to be the Raikage's brother and from what Hari could tell happened to be like Naruto.

Hari's eyebrow was twitching as the man rapped...horribly. When he couldn't take it anymore he looked at Haku and said "Take care of my body for a sec, will ya?"

"Why?"

"I'm going to shut him up in a way that can't be pinned on us," he said flatly.

"Done!"

Hari closed his eyes...and in a manner worthy of a Yamanaka, slumped. Seconds later their escort, who had been in the bar chatting with another Kumo nin, suddenly started punching himself in the groin.

Hari blinked, and hid an evil smirk.

Since his name was _Nara_ on paper, people wouldn't suspect he was the one to have done it. Besides, no one was suicidal enough to deal with a bijuu in their container's mind directly.

Unfortunately for Kira Bee, the Hachibi hated his raps as much as his collegues, and was more than happy to look the other way while Hari took possession long enough to make the man sing soprano for a week.

Anko cackled when she heard what they had done.

Best of all, when warned by his demon that there would be a _repeat_ performance if he didn't quit rapping for an entire month, the Raikage was happy enough to open a trade agreement...provided Hari include those wonderful silencing tags which were loaded with the Silencio spell.

Hachibi found it outright hilarious that a mage who had some common sense had found such powerful allies and was so pleasant to talk to. The fact he held a heavy undercurrent of his brother the Kyuubi didn't bother him one bit.

And seeing Bee punch himself _there_ had caused him to split his sides from laughter.

* * *

A snow white owl from the highest tiers of the Battle brigade looked up from her scroll. After her master went missing in that accursed Veil, she had stolen as many books as she could on senjutsu before escaping the castle. Beside her was a body of a fifteen year old with messy black hair held in permanent stasis.

The owls had rescued the body when they recognized the signature bound of one of their own. Only the most trusted and beloved of their kind ever got the signature of their adepts on leave.

And only those who truly bonded with their adepts were _ever_ given even a remote chance for a proper familiar bond.

When she appeared a week after the body was rescued and put into stasis where it wouldn't be killed off immediately by the frightening lack of soul, they didn't even bat a wing at the fact she kept a vigilant watch over it when not training or performing a mission.

So great was her love for her partner, that even when the lone Kumo shinobi who held the contract attempted to summon her specifically he failed.

There were rumors in Kumo of an owl summon so strong that she could perform Senjutsu better than Jiraiya of the Sannin ever had. But she refused to answer the call of a mere human, no matter how many times he passed out from chakra exhaustion trying to bring her out.

And now, now she was actually looking towards the village she barely tolerated.

"_What is the problem, Mahou-sensei?"_ asked her student. She decided to devote her time teaching the younger owls in an effort to keep them from the magical continents. With the rate they were returning via the reverse summoning, it was unlikely they would last the seven years required.

As such her...students...called her Mahou-sensei. Magic teacher.

"_I sensed...no, it couldn't possibly be him. Last I heard he managed to end up in the Leaf, inside the body of the Deer clan."_

"_You mean the Nara right?"_

"_Yes, I mean the Nara. It's easier to distinguish humans here by their summons these days."_

"_True. Huh?"_

"_What?"_

"_Sensei...the body..." _said the owlet in absolute shock.

The owl turned to find...the body had a distinct heartbeat again. She placed a clawed talon on it's arm, carefully. For the first time in nearly three long years, the body had a pulse. But more than that there was a very faint magical signature that she knew as well as she did her own.

And it was leading right back to Kumo.

"_I must consult the Elders before the signal fades!"_ she said in shock. The owlet bowed, and went to the large library to study. Every owlet who studied under her knew how important the boy who once lived in the body was to her.

By nightfall, she was out and in the air before the signal had even begun to fade.

* * *

Hari paused. He could sense a powerful and controlled magical signature coming towards them, fast. The only reason he hadn't mentioned it was that it seemed so damn familiar, but now it had a positively frantic tang to it.

He looked up and his heart nearly stopped.

Haku and Sai paused, wondering what had caused such a reaction when they saw the stark white silhouette of a massive Kaminari no Kuni battle owl with all the markings of a Senjutsu master on the vest. The thing was like a pale ghost in the night as it flew right at them.

Anko prepared to attack it, suspecting betrayal from Kumo, but backed off when she saw the look in Hari's eyes.

There was no mistaking the look of absolute love in those green eyes.

The owl nearly collapsed on him, her voice berating him for being a fool the entire time. Hari didn't question the fact she could talk, only held her tightly.

"Hedwig!"

For the first time in nearly three years...no, perhaps even longer than that, Hari smiled from the bottom of his heart.

* * *

Sarutobi sighed. This was becoming a habit of Hari's. Go on a C rank, bring back more than anticipated.

In this case a more portable version of the Kaminari no Kuni contract for Owl summons, and a very odd scroll which apparently held his original body.

Or as Hari called it, his back up in case he really screwed the pooch and lost the Perfect Clone that he used.

At least he always came back with a successfully completed mission. That was more than most genin could say after their C ranks didn't end as planned.

"Team 4, mission complete," said Anko proudly.

"And just in time to register for the exams," said Sarutobi dryly.

"We saw some foreign shinobi on the way here," said Hari happily.

Sarutobi didn't bother to hide his surprise at how cheerful the boy had suddenly become. He already planned to send him to Ibiki just to make sure a repeat of what happened in Wave never occurred during the exams.

This new, very cheerful and relaxed Hari put him on edge. He was used to the sarcastic and broken one. At least that one you could understand what his thought processes were. This one, not so much.

* * *

"Why am I here again?" asked Hari, quite honestly bored.

"Because you are giving people nightmares with that humming and smile of yours," said Ibiki flatly.

"You mean the one where I'm actually happy and not in the mood to slaughter people? How is that bad?" asked Hari slightly confused.

"Your normal mood is borderline murderous on a good day. This side of you is something we have never seen, and frankly it terrifies the lesser shinobi, since on others it means all hell is about to break loose."

"And you want an explanation for the abrupt change..."

"You bet your pale ass I do. People don't change like that unless there is mind walking or brainwashing involved!" barked Ibiki.

Hari grinned, bit his thumb and then went through the handsigns for a summoning jutsu.

Ibiki didn't bother to stop him, since he knew damn well the boy wouldn't try anything on a Konoha nin unless they were traitors.

And he found himself staring at a Kaminari no Kuni battle owl who wasn't very amused at the sudden summoning.

"_Really, Hari, I was in the middle of teaching some owlets," _ said the white owl with affectionate annoyance.

"Sorry Hedwig, but it seems I've been scaring the Konoha nin with my sudden change in attitude."

"_...Exactly HOW suicidal were you before I finally found you again that becoming cheerful for a change scares them?"_ she asked incredulous.

"KI set me off in a way that I made a Mist Nuke Nin crap his pants. Hell, I even terrified Sharingan Kakashi when I snapped."

"Hari, is this your..."

"Ibiki, meet Hedwig. She was the only thing tying me to sanity back in the Magical Communities."

Ibiki rubbed his temples. So this was what caused the sudden change. Now it made a lot more sense. With a proper stabilizing factor, even the most psychotic nin became sane for a long period of time.

And apparently Hari had been reunited with the same owl who had kept him sane before he was a ghost. This explained a great deal.

"Can I go now?"

"Let me clear the owl first...then you can show her the sights..." sighed Ibiki. Hari tried his patience faster than Anko on a Dango fix. Which was odd considering the boy never really tried to piss him off.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hari-nii! We were cleared for the Chunin Exams!" shouted Naruto cheerfully. Then he caught sight of the massive owl that was sitting on his brother's shoulder.

The owl looked at him amused, and for some reason Naruto figured out who she was without being told.

"Are you Hedwig-nee-san?"

"_Indeed I am. How odd that you are the first to figure it out without being told, unlike everyone else."_

"So that's why Hari-nii been humming more! He got his big sister back!"

Hari laughed. He did actually call Hedwig his bossy older sister a few times.

Hedwig held out a talon for the boy to shake, which he did carefully.

"So Hedwig, what exactly do you teach to those owlets?"

"_Senjutsu, or as we know it, Magic. I stole most of the books from the Restricted Section before I returned, and I used what little power in magic I had to retrieve your trunk. Your wand, however, is a lost cause."_

"Bah, like I want that old bastard to find me through Fawkes. Though I do wonder how the hell that phoenix found me without the wand the first time..."

Hedwig blinked.

"_Fawkes found you without your wand? How did you get rid of him?"_

"Grabbed him using chakra and drowned his ass. He recovered on his own and went back, but I made it clear that any attempts to nab me would be met with force," said Hari pleased.

Hedwig couldn't help her reaction. She started to laugh.

"_He always was a creep, following the meddler around. Just because he would have a harder time dying he loved to lord it over the rest of us. Serves that overgrown featherbrain right!"_

"So Hedwig, how would your owlets like to spend the day around Konoha? Naruto and I could show them the sights!"

"_An acceptable excuse for the Elders when they ask why I disappeared too suddenly. Just let me go tell them first, because most ninja wouldn't dare summon an owlet into battle," _said Hedwig.

An hour later Naruto and Hari were giving fifteen young owlets and an amused Hedwig a tour of Konoha. They even had a run in with the Konohamaru corps, led by the old monkey's grandson. The brat loved Hari and Naruto simply because they never once mentioned his grandfather and always looked at him like a normal kid.

Naturally he was very interested in summons which ended the day with an amusing class courtesy of Hedwig about summon creatures and Senjutsu.

* * *

The next day Naruto and Hari spent a few hours playing with Konohamaru and his friends, to the amusement of Hedwig who had decided to take a day off.

It was this reason alone that she witnessed the impromptu confrontation between the teens and the Sand ninja.

"Sasuke, get your ass down here! I can sense your irritation that I kept you from awakening your Sharingan from here!" said Hari irate.

Sasuke, when informed that Hari had known he was just about to unlock his Sharingan and stopped it before it actually happened, had not been happy. The Civilian council even more so. While he explained his reasoning to them, the Shinobi at least took his side of the argument. Even Shikaku agreed it was a better idea to wait for Sasuke to grow into his own style before letting him gain the bloodline.

Particularly when Hari pointed out rather bluntly the signs of traitorous intent. He had seen plenty of them when dealing with Ron before fourth year, but hadn't had the experience to recognize it.

When pointed out, Hiashi stepped up to the plate and admitted he had noticed the exact same things, but that he had never known what it had meant. There weren't many main branch Hyuuga in the Interrogation Department, only Branch, and he would have some difficulty explaining why he needed to know those particular signs.

There hadn't been a traitor in the Hyuuga for nearly fifty years after all.

Sasuke dropped from the branch annoyed.

"Nara."

"Uchiha. Still got the stick up your ass I see," said Hari levelly.

Hari looked back at the tree with amusement.

"Oi, Tanuki-san! If you want to join the party you can come down too!" he shot at the same tree Sasuke was on.

Without warning a red head appeared looking rather cross at the nickname.

Particularly since he actually looked like a human tanuki, sans the ears and tail.

"Why did you call me that?"

"I am a bit of a sensor, and I've already come into contact with the Bull Headed Eight tailed bijuu and my pseudo little brother here has the Nine. Your aura just screams raccoon, and as far as I'm aware the only Bijuu with that particular signature is the First one," he explained patiently.

Judging by the panicked look in the other two's faces, that wasn't supposed to be known.

"Like I really give a rat's arse about those creatures. I'm more interested in why you look like you haven't had a decent night's sleep for nearly a decade, if that and have such a psychotic gleam in your eyes."

"And what keeps me from killing you?"

"The Kyuubi himself never gave a second thought on trying, and frankly if you did this runt would pop a clone out and I would just continue to annoy you anyway. Ghosts don't fear death. Not anymore."

"Nii-san here is hijacking a really weird clone!" confirmed Naruto with a chirp.

"Yeah, he's known all over the village as the Nara Ghost, because he used to possess the heir of the Nara clan. You can't kill the dead, only exorcise them," said Konohamaru.

"Hold up. How the hell is a ghost still around? I thought the common policy for all spectres that bothered shinobi was to exorcise them at almost any cost?!" demanded the blond kunoichi.

"It doesn't help when said ghost is very well aware of his surroundings enough to go on a walk about at the first hint of a priest capable of exorcising them, or the fact that he not so subtly told the Hokage that if he tried he would expose him as a pervert to rival the guy who makes that half assed _Icha-Icha_ novels, despite the fact that said Hokage was actually that idiot's sensei," said Hari pleasantly.

"The Hokage was the teacher of the one who makes _Icha-Icha_?" asked the cat eared nin, who wore far too much make up to be completely straight.

"Jiraiya of the Sannin writes them, and last I checked Sarutobi Hiruzen was the teacher of the Three," confirmed Hari.

"How do you know that Hari-nii?" asked Konohamaru.

"I got bored and happened to see the seal on a special delivery to the Hokage, which turned out to be a brand new, yet to be released _Icha Icha_ from the exclusive Platinum series, signed by the author himself. I just looked up who used a toad print for a seal and put the two together."

Naruto was trying desperately not to laugh. It was common knowledge among the perverts that the Hokage had a complete set of the Platinum series, and that the perverts in question would pay big money just to own one. Having a signed copy, however, was not known to very many.

"Since we're airing a bit of the village's not so secret secrets, anyone up for lunch? I just got back from Kumo and I'm in the mood for ramen," said Hari.

"RAMEN!" cheered the blond.

The red head gave him an odd look before saying, "I will join you."

His teammates gave him a really odd look before walking with him. And it wasn't hard for Hari to guess why either.

This poor kid had a pissed off demon whispering in his ear all the time, and couple that with a lack of sleep...well it just made him a time bomb worse than Hari when reminded of his past and a stressful week.

On the plus side, he could let the kid get a good hit and let him vent enough to relax a bit, even if it meant he had to allow the current body be destroyed.

For a clone, it had lasted a rather surprisingly long time. It was no wonder the thing was labeled forbidden when a ghost simply had to jump in one and they were effectively alive once more. Especially since it copied all the acts associated with living right down to the reproduction bit without letting people know that it was a clone unless the chakra that made it self sustaining ran out.

Not that he ever bothered to worry about that, since A) he had already died and at the moment had his original body waiting as an 'oh crap I royally screwed the pooch and don't have time to make a new clone' back up and B) he was on the good side of a massive demon fox who didn't mind sharing chakra if asked the right way.

And from what he understood the fox really, really liked him because he screwed other humans over in such a way that it left them gnashing their teeth in fury and at the same time terrified them just as thoroughly as Shinigami-sama himself could.

It just cracked the fox up every time he thought about it. Strangely enough, because of that seal of approval (the Hachibi sure as hell noticed it and had even commented on it the second he went into Bee to give the guy a peace of his mind) most of the other Bijuu he ran into liked him as well. It didn't hurt that even though he was a mage, he treated them like sentient beings capable of thinking for themselves. Even the Nibi liked him and she barely tolerated her container!

Though that had led to a rather interesting conversation with a hot Yugito Nii, which lead to her eventually flirting as shamelessly as he was.

It didn't hurt that Hari had learned all the best ways to make a cat purr from being stuck with Mrs. Figg for days on end, and he honestly loved animals...save for two cats.

(The two felines in question were Mrs Norris, even if he did feel sorry for her the one time he saw her petrified and Filch acted much like he would when he learned his beloved pet was nearly killed, and Tora the Fire Daimyo Wife's cat.)

* * *

It turned out that the red head's name was Gaara no Subaku, and the two were his brother and sister respectively. Hari didn't waste any time getting on the boy's good side as he kept making no so subtle references to Kankuro (cat boy with make up) being gay and flirting with Temari the blond.

Gaara seemed to find the fact that Hari was a ghost in a clone rather fascinating, and the fact that no matter what he did to the boy he would simply come back and annoying him amusing. He had honestly never encountered someone who qualified as immortal who had actually gained the ability purely by accident, trial and error.

His amusement only grew when Hari demonstrated his 'hijacking' technique as he called it, on a random shinobi who made the very poor choice of glaring at Naruto for being the container of the Fox. He would be recovering from nailing himself in the nads for a few days. Not that anyone would care, since it was his own fault.

Hari had long since set down the law when it came to Naruto. If you can't be at least neutral or civil, then ignore him or leave him be. If not, then you're the one paying for the resulting hospital bill courtesy of a not so amused dead teen. The fact the Hokage was willing to enforce that unspoken rule only made it official.

Once they had parted ways, with Hari heading towards his apartment next to Naruto's (with Shikaku's blessings, he might add!) and Naruto going off to play with Konohamaru some more. Possibly to help them plan a prank on Iruka.

Hari didn't want to know, since he fully intended to hit the bathhouses with Hedwig for a proper pampering. If there was one thing that owl loved, it was the fact he treated her like a princess and didn't mind cleaning her feathers _just_ right.

Hari blinked. There was a pervert spying on the women in the other bath. One who was sitting on a toad that made Hedwig stiffen a bit.

"_Hari, that's Trevor. He came to see me a year after your death."_

"Seriously? Might as well go say hi...in the loudest voice possible..." grinned Hari.

The man didn't turn around when he sensed someone behind him, though he did wonder why the kid was talking to the toad he was on. Or why the toad answered him in the same weird language.

It wasn't until much later he finally recognized as English.

Unfortunately the boy didn't bother to tone down his voice, and as such the women were made acutely aware of the fact someone was far too close to the fence to be pleasant. They couldn't tell if it was a pervert or not, but they were definitely too close for comfort.

Jiraiya eventually turned around and glared at the boy, who finally paid attention to him and not the toad.

And he got an unamused glare from the absolutely (bleeping) massive Kaminari no Kuni Battle Owl, sans outfit. And a senjutsu high adept one at that.

"Who the hell are you kid?" he asked. He noted that at least the brat had a Leaf hitai ate on his head.

"Me? I'm the one who exposed the Hokage's Platinum _Icha Icha _to that female ANBU by dropping a bookcase behind her," he said smugly.

Jiraiya could hear the toad under him laugh.

"_That was you? Oh the look on the Elder's faces when they heard about that was hysterical!"_ said the toad amused.

The kid took a mock bow, and it amused the toad even more.

"Gamashi, how do you know this kid?"

"_I was training in the same tower as the owl on his shoulder when the kid was still alive. I gotta admit, you get into the weirdest situations Hari_," said Gamashi.

"Thanks Trevor. I just happened to be here to give Hedwig some pampering. Certainly didn't expect to see an old friend helping a half assed writer peep on the ladies while I was here," said Hari amused.

"Half assed... I'll have you know my work has been read by millions!" protested the Toad Sage.

"Yet never given a single literary achievement. There is a very good reason I have never bothered to finish the first one. Your porn scenes are barely soft core, there are plot holes you could send a kunai through, and there are so many misspellings and grammatical errors that it looks like it was written by a six year old Academy student who saw their parents going at it in the bedroom and only barely understood was what going on," said Hari flatly.

Jiraiya sputtered, not used to someone blatantly telling him why his books weren't any good.

"So Trevor, how was the funeral? Or did they even bother?" asked Hari bitterly.

Gamashi sighed. He knew that out of the entire class Hari had come from, only his master had been his friend.

"_There was one. But only a few actually showed any real emotion during it. Your godfather and werewolf Uncle for one, as well as Neville and that blond girl who everyone dismissed because she was so odd,"_ he admitted.

"What of the others?"

"_Hermione and Ron put on a good show, but anyone who bothered to look would have seen it was an act. Dumbledore seemed to be very pissed about something, not sure what and that hag who put us honest toads to shame just looked like she had eaten a particularly tasty first year. The oddest one was Snape though."_

"Snape?" said Hari surprised.

"_Yeah, while he was a greasy git and a total jerk, he actually showed real sorrow for your passing. I heard later from some of the toads who had been in the school around the same time as him that he had been close to your mum," _said Gamashi.

"How bad was the war before you pulled out?"

"_Not good. Before I was pulled out by Gamabunta-sama, I overheard rumors from the owls that the headmaster planned to put Neville in your place as the boy-who-lived. At lot of people were dying because he wasn't acting on the information and only used nonlethal attacks on Death Eaters."_

"Trevor, what would happen if hypothetically, Neville and several others vanished without a trace and ended up here?" asked Hari with an odd expression.

"_If anything that would draw their attention to here. They know you didn't die because of the goblins, but from what they understand you're either in a coma or have lost your memory,"_ said Gamashi.

"Bah. Unappreciative philistines! Like I would cater to their pathetic delusions after the hell they put me through! If I saw Tom right now I would tell him to kick the old mumper's ass and thank him for it! I am through dealing with those fools!" said Hari vindictively.

Gamashi (formerly Trevor) gave Hari a hard look, as if sizing him up.

"_You've changed. Most of the people who knew you or claimed to know you wouldn't notice, but it's clear you have. It's almost as if you lost the shackles that were on your mind or something."_

"I did. Dying opened a hell of a lot of options for me, not the least of which happened to be the chance to unleash my rage on any poor sap that pisses me off. The first time I met Zabuza Momochi, formerly the Demon of the Mist, I made him literally crap his pants from fear. Even if it means I have to kill a few people in the name of a village I wasn't raised in and hold no actual loyalty to aside from a clan who was willing to take me in once they knew why I was in their heir, I don't care. I'm free of the bullshit those people subjected me to, and if I were to meet my so called aunt and uncle again they would not survive. I like it here, and I damn well plan on staying even if it means the other party ends up dead by my hand," said Hari flatly.

Gamashi chuckled.

"_I never said it was a bad change. If anything you look better now that you no longer have to worry about the weight of the world against you,"_ said Gamashi.

"Thanks Trevor. When I do drag Neville and the others here, I'll have Hedwig send you a note so you can come see him and give him a good surprise," said Hari.

"_And that is one of the reasons why most of the summons like you kid. You know how to treat us like people,"_ said Gamashi.

Gamashi poofed away to tell Gamabunta the news that Harry Potter, now Hari Nara, was back into play and on their side. Gamabunta had been wanting to meet the boy who outed Sarutobi, which had Enma laughing his furry ass off when he learned of it.

And so the wheels of fate turned...


	10. Chapter 10

Jiraiya ended up stalking Hari for a good day before the boy forced him to meet Naruto. He personally didn't care, because at least Jiraiya admitted he was curious as to who Hari really was if Gamabunta knew of him.

But he nearly had a heart attack when Naruto displayed his recently completed jutsu that Hari had been teaching him with the Fourth's advice. Learning his parents were stuck in the seal was a bit of a shock, but he at least accepted the fact that they could speak through Hari. The fact they used him to train their son in the clan arts was only a bonus.

So it was only natural that Jiraiya have a freak out when Naruto unwittingly recreated the Rasengan without actually knowing the name of the jutsu. And he really had a nasty surprise when Minato Namikaze borrowed the clone Hari used to chew out the Sage for leaving Naruto all alone for these years. The boy who claimed the clone as his own was on the side laughing his ass off in ghost form. It most certainly didn't help him when _Kushina_ was added to the mix by borrowing the kid's senjutsu to stay anchored!

Jiraiya...honestly had no idea that senjutsu could be used to anchor ghosts to bodies like that. And he was the Toad Sage, trained by those who learned it straight from the mages themselves!

At least he got to know his godson for a change, and offered to train him if he made it to the third round. Even if the brat who caused this mess had glared at him for leaving Naruto all alone until now.

* * *

The first part of the exams...was a paper test. Naruto would swear himself blue that somewhere up there a kami was laughing at him. Mockingly at that.

Fortunately, he had a backup plan that involved his big brother who didn't mind helping the moment he learned what the test was about.

As soon as Hari finished his test (mostly the math portions and saying to hell with the rest) he turned over his paper and to all appearances went to sleep. In reality he just turned on a small tape recorder that was set to a certain volume and made it sound like he was snoring lightly. Neither of the genin next to him even noted that he wasn't breathing at all.

Naruto could feel Hari next to him, as his sense of ghosts had gone up considerably since Hari had first made his presence known in Shikamaru. Naruto was one of the very, very few people who ever noticed that whenever Hari was in ghost mode, the air around him dropped by a degree or two. When he mentioned that to the boy, Hari had informed him that all ghosts tended to have that effect.

Hari took over and did most of the math portions and one of the logic ones before returning to his body. He was surprisingly very good at math and excellent in logic.

His job done, Naruto simply sat back and watched the fireworks. Since Hari didn't want to get into trouble for pestering the other genin, he initially planned to wait it out...until he saw the look Ibiki shot him with a quick and almost impossible to see smirk.

Hari grinned evilly. So Ibiki _wanted_ him to freak out the other teams? So long as he didn't get kicked out of the exams for it he would play that game.

Before long Naruto was trying his best not to laugh as Hari started to 'ghost' some of the other genin. Most people tended to react badly when things went flying for no apparent reason. The teen with silver hair and glasses got nailed in the face with a dusty eraser from the chalk board, and Naruto had to bite his tongue to avoid laughing.

Only Naruto saw that the odd cards Kabuto had brought out went missing without the boy even noticing.

When the clock hit the forty five minute mark, the disturbance abruptly stopped, as if the strings were cut. The proctors kicked out ten teams who were so jittery that they were careless. It all ended with Hari snorting once, and yawning widely.

Say what you will about the adopted Nara, but he could put any Yamanaka's mind technique to shame when he actually cared to. Inoichi had once admitted the boy was better at stealing information and getting out without a trace than he was. And that his control was by far superior.

Of course he always added that the boy was certifiably insane afterwards, but at least they had some control on who he went off on. And the fact that he would always attack traitors.

Fortunately Hari didn't mind at least trying to maintain a semblance of sanity to keep the civilians from freaking out, though his humming and grins sure as hell covered for the effort.

Ibiki did his best to break the remaining genin there, surprisingly after having to deal with Hari's rather amusing assault with the chalkboard eraser Kabuto and his team were kicked out after one too many kunai to the things, and when they proved more resilient than he anticipated he declared the first part of the exams over.

And thanks to Naruto a larger than usual portion remained. The boy was a pain, but he could come up with an inspirational speech on the fly if need be. With him it was either go with the flow or break trying to oppose such an immovable force of nature.

Once Ibiki explained the exam to the bewildered rookies, Hari broke the tension by laughing, hard.

"Damn Ibiki, you sure know how to throw a good party!" cackled Hari.

Ibiki tried not to shiver like the other proctors. He handled Anko's brand of insanity, he would not break to this.

The second exam proctor, which wasn't Anko because she was the jounin sensei to Hari's team, appeared in a haze of KI and the slightest genjutsu of a demon behind him.

Haku face palmed, because he hated it when his father/master made such theatrical entrances that looked so tacky.

"Hehehe...25 teams survived? And I heard you were a hard ass Morino," said Zabuza.

"There would have been five more if a certain pain in the ass hadn't joined in the fun and scared them out. Pansies," said Ibiki.

"Listen up brats. I'm the second exam proctor Zabuza Momochi. I hope you're prepared, because by the time I'm through with you there will be half of you left, if that. You have an hour to get to the next exam stage or be disqualified," said Zabuza leveling his KI at the genin.

* * *

Zabuza was waiting not in the Forest of Death, which was where Anko usually had the second exam, but in a lesser used bunker that once belonged to the Uchiha clan and was recently released solely for the second exam.

Sasuke wasn't pleased by that tidbit, but then again he would have had trouble getting in to start with so this was an excellent excuse to raid it. It was still his, but he would have to pay for any damages caused anyway.

Hari was actually a bit twitchy, but not for the reasons the genin assumed.

He could sense someone amongst the brats. Someone who felt damn familiar and infinitely worse than before. Someone who had the same tang about them as the self styled Dark Lord who still wanted to kill him.

Though to be frank the look on the snake bastard's face when he realized Hari considered his favorite killing trick a mere nuisance nowadays would be hilarious. The fact was that he could throw off all three Illegal Curses and not even blink.

And the only person he knew of that could remind him that strongly of the idiot known as Tom Riddle...was Orochimaru. The snake bastard who screwed Anko over and gave snake summons a really bad name.

Fortunately, the Owl elders were more than willing to allow him to have two summons...provided he never, _ever_ bring them both out at the same time. Unless it was toads. Those were the only summons they could stand to work together with.

Too bad he hadn't noticed it before coming, otherwise he could have warned Anko.

"This...is an Uchiha bunker that was released solely for this part of the exam. There is a veritable labyrinth in there, so if you get lost we'll only come to help you after the exam. Since this is a survival test, we have restocked the various small kitchens which are spread at random intervals with food. Finding them is your best bet. In order to pass you must capture the opposing scroll of another team, and make it back out the other side. If you come to the wrong exit, you will get your ass disqualified along with your team. Open the scrolls before coming out the right door will also get you kicked out. Coming out with less than everyone in your team will get you taken out. You have five days to locate the second scroll and make it out alive. Since I would get my ass in trouble if you died, you have to sign a paper that keeps the village off my case before you get a scroll. If you don't like it, you can leave and forget advancing during this exam. Any questions?"

Hari raised his hand.

"Just out of curiosity, which direction is the correct exit in?"

"It's in the southeast end. And that's all you'll get from me. Anything else?" asked Zabuza.

No one said a word. One by one, the teams signed the paper and got their scroll. The inside was near pitch black. There were multiple hallways right off the bat, so the teams wouldn't be ambushed the second they went in.

Sai became the most valuable member of the team, as his ink summons scouted out the area ahead and ended up finding one of the kitchens Zabuza mentioned.

They immediately claimed it and booby trapped the area around it so Hari could go ghost form and scout the entire bunker. It was larger than he had expected, and it took an entire hour for him to even get half of it done.

But it did help that he found all the teams with the opposite scroll.

Hari opened his eyes, and told them which teams had what, and what their last general location was. Sai sent his summons to steal one of the closer ones so they could head towards the exit...which Hari hadn't bothered to find just yet. He knew the point me charm, and it wouldn't take that much time to figure out which way was south east.

It wasn't until he heard Minato, his wife and the fox all shrieking at him that Orochimaru had come after Naruto that he started to freak out and dragged his team out of the area, after raiding the pantry of most of the food just in case.

* * *

"Oh dear kami, he's the more annoying cousin of Tom Riddle!" said Hari in exasperation.

Orochimaru glared at the newcomers annoyed.

"I don't know who this Tom Riddle is..." he started.

"The self styled Dark Lord in the magical continents. The one who puts honest snakes to shame with his looks and thinks those little soul pieces of his will keep him alive once the backlog Shinigami-sama has from all the deaths he caused is gone," said Hari dismissively.

Orochimaru twitched. This brat had just compared him to that hack mage _Voldemort_? The guy was more annoying than Sarutobi was when it came to all that 'Will of Fire' crap and that was saying something considering the many times the foolish mage had tried to steal the snake summoning scroll.

Orochimaru really, really didn't like mages after having to listen to the guy monologue and attempt to get him to help kill those first gens that he hated so much.

Even the infamous Snake Sannin had _standards_. Killing for the sake of killing was beneath him. Experiment yes, because he was a scientist after he was a shinobi.

Orochimaru glared at Hari as if he had just insulted him, which in a way he had.

"I have _some_ standards, you little brat, unlike that four bit hack of a mage," he snarled.

Hari gave him a long hard look before he chortled.

"Oh that is _rich_! A guy who could pass as that idiot's cousin agrees with me that he's an idiot! Please, please tell me you gave the old goat a disease of sorts!" he cracked up.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I was the one to lace his damn lemon drops with a few lesser known STDs I happened to have on hand," he shot back.

"Yeah, unfortunately from what I could tell about them the only disease the promiscuous get from too much lovin' is an extreme case of inbreeding and stupidity. For some annoying reason anyone with magic or a proper chakra core can't get all those fun diseases from having a good time. Probably why that half-assed Toad Sage has yet to die from dysentery," snorted Hari.

Orochimaru cackled. He couldn't help it.

"I like you brat. When I burn this place to the ground I will make your death quick and painless."

_(Props to anyone who recognizes this gag, Orochimaru-style!)_

"Why do you even want Naruto anyway?" asked Hari.

"I'm not. I'm after the Uchiha," replied the snake sannin bluntly.

"Dude, seriously? He's got a stick up his ass that rivals the Hyuuga, he doesn't even have his Sharingan yet, and he's a whiny bitch," said Hari bluntly.

Orochimaru blinked.

"He doesn't have the Sharingan yet? But my reports said..."

"Yeah, I kept him from getting it. He's not nearly ready to get it, since it would take him longer to get to a point where it would actually be effective."

Orochimaru looked over said teen, who shivered in disgust, and privately made the same assessment. Clearly this mage was a better judge of ability than his kin.

"I can still mark him though."

"If you want to waste all that effort just for me to erase whatever influence you might have, go for it. Kami knows I won't lose any sleep over it," shrugged Hari.

Behind him, Haku and Sai gave him an odd look. It was the look of _'Why do we have the crazy one on our team?'_. It was something Anko got every time she partnered up with anyone on a mission.

Had he been paying attention he would have grinned at them both.

As it was he continued with his semi-civil conversation with the Snake Sannin, who was rather amused to find a mage who didn't have his head up his ass so far that he could see light.

Realizing that any attempts to claim the Uchiha at the moment would be pointless, he left. But not before dangling an offer for the boy later.

Naruto tackled Hari with relief.

"How did you do it? I didn't think anyone could convince someone like that to go away!" asked Naruto.

His teammates were very interested in a similar answer.

Hari chuckled.

"You'd be surprised how many powerful people who many consider villains enjoy a civilized conversation without someone bowing or trying to attack them. If they don't find one they tend to monologue quite a bit, which is rather annoying. Thankfully for us, it seems Orochimaru has someone who at least talks to him like an everyday person, otherwise that might not have gone so well."

"Is that why you opened up what would be considered a rather weird chat?" asked Sai.

"Yup, though that reminds me of something I want your opinion on later Sai. First let's make sure these runts can survive the exam," said Hari.

As it turned out, Orochimaru had placed a seal on the Kyuubi one, so Hari had to reverse it before it became a real problem.

Pinky was still in shock and Sasuke couldn't believe he had just had a run in with Orochimaru of the Sannin of all people. And as Hari liked to point out, he was at least at the same level as Itachi, which meant that if he couldn't handle _Orochimaru,_ who by all accounts got his ass kicked by said Weasel, then what made him think he was ready for his brother?

As a result, Sasuke was more than willing to do some very heavy training for a while. Hari cheerfully directed him to another jounin so he could bring his taijutsu up, since from what Hari could tell Sasuke was a bit of a 'speed and strike' type, instead of Hari's 'speed and endurance while heavy hitting' type.

Outside the compound Kakashi shivered, as he felt the apocalypse come early. Something horrible had just occurred.

Since Hari wanted to be sure they survived, they helped direct them to a weaker team close by that had the opposing scroll, and the general direction of the exit. If that failed they could always have Naruto find him and their team would give them some help, provided they already had their scroll.

It really helped that they had had the same scroll, or it might have gotten complicated.


	11. Chapter 11

"So what did you need my opinion on Ghosty?" asked Sai with his painful smile on his face.

"Drop the smile for a moment. It can be really, really annoying. Anyway I snagged some cards off that glasses-wearing pansy Kabuto during the cheating portion of the exam, and I need your opinion on it."

"Why would you ask me and not Haku or those other genin?"

"Because unlike Haku or Team Kakashi, you're ROOT. And don't give me that look, I've known it from the day you were assigned and didn't care. But I know part of the training you go through is reading BINGO books and memorizing certain aspects of spying. And Kabuto doesn't sit right with me, especially after I found out about these. Only a fool or someone trying to get something brings out something as good as these in full view of all those other countries," said Hari flatly.

Hari channeled his chakra, which he saw Kabuto do earlier. The first card was on Gaara, and he went through the deck and found Sai's.

Sai looked at the card and his face went blank. The card had far too much information, and he had memorized what his own Ninja ID had said beforehand to keep up the illusion.

"I see why you wanted my opinion. The information on this card is too accurate."

"Like I said before, I knew you were ROOT the minute you were assigned and didn't care to bring it up. As far as I'm concerned you're a go between for me and the old war hawk, and Kami knows that multi-eyed old geezer has been wanting to put someone on me the minute I got a body."

Sai gave him an odd look.

"How do you know about...?"

"What? Did you really think I wouldn't explore all the nooks and crannies of the village with my ghost form? There are extremely few things that can keep a ghost out when they're particularly determined. I happened to come across your base and watched you guys train. For a group of brainwashed kids, you do have some good training ideas," said Hari dismissively.

Sai made a mental note to inform Danzo of this. Possibly. If he remembered.

"This card has far too much detailed information. I suspect Kabuto is either a spy or he got this directly from Danzo-sama."

"Or both. If he is a spy, then chances are he's had ROOT training. It would certainly explain why no one has noticed him going through record vaults to supply information. The only question is who is his master?"

"Possibly Orochimaru," said Sai.

"You might be right. Anyway I won't spread about the fact you're ROOT so long as you don't try to pull a fast one on me or Haku. Fair?"

"Considering Mages have a one-hit kill technique, it's fair."

"One-hit kill, one that controls the mind and one that causes pain like a thumb screw in your brain. Though the mind control can be thrown off if you're stubborn enough."

"Speaking from experience?"

"One of my old teachers used it on me until I could throw it off completely. I was the only one able to do it."

"What do you plan to do to him?"

"Well that will rely entirely on you Sai. You're the infiltration specialist, Haku's the assassin and I'm the planner. How can we expose Kabuto as a traitor without getting busted as the ones who did it?"

"Hari, don't take this the wrong way, but you scare me sometimes. You really do."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're more devious and inventive than Naruto?"

"My minion will learn the ways of the Marauder well," said Hari sagely, nodding his head.

"Minion?" said Sai quietly.

"I am the Ultimate Pranking Overlord of Evil, with Naruto and currently Konohamaru Sarutobi as my minions. What does that tell you?"

"That you need to lay off the coffee," said Haku flatly.

"I don't drink coffee, and I could barely tolerate Pumpkin Juice."

"Who makes a juice out of pumpkin?"

"Mages. They also have an alcohol that when consumed in mass will make your clothes literally BURN off. They call it fire whiskey. Frankly I always preferred a good stout tea or some butterbeer to that."

Haku looked at their third teammate and said flatly "From now on we are so monitoring his sugar intake."

"Agreed."

"HEY!"

* * *

The next day they managed to get their second scroll, and Hari found another kitchen which had yet to be hit. That could be due to the snakes in there though.

Hari wondered how Sasuke would react when he found out that snakes had infested this particular bunker.

Then he spotted the large tome and the note. He forgot all about an infestation.

_'To the little Mageling,_

_I rather enjoyed our little chat, especially since you are one of the rare few who showed SOME common sense when it comes to the old goat. Perhaps you could find this of some use to you, since I took it off the rotting corpse of the last idiot who tried to steal my Snake Summon scroll._

_Tell Anko I will see her soon,_

_Orochimaru.'_

Hari blinked.

"Okay, I didn't expect him to take that much of a liking to me."

"Why would he leave something like this for you and have those snakes guard the entrance?" asked Sai confused.

"I think this is his way of trying to tempt me onto his side. Either that or he really wants someone to talk to. Even guys like him need someone to vent every once in a while. My guess is Voldemort and Dumbledore really, _really_ pissed him off, and I'm the best person to complain to who won't try to kill him."

"I don't know whether to be worried or relieved that Orochimaru of the Sannin likes you," stated Haku flatly.

"Eh. He knows I won't take it personally if he tries to kill me just like I won't go out of my way to kill him for what he did to Anko-chan. Clearly he has heard of me through a mutual unpleasant acquaintances who we would both love to murder in the messiest and most painful way imaginable."

"And who would they be?"

"Voldemort, AKA Tom Riddle, and Albus Dumbledore."

Sai blinked. Ever since Hari showed up certain mages had become required reading along with the standard BINGO books. Those two were notorious rivals for power and had no qualms about forcing others to do their dirty work.

"How do you know those two?"

"Voldemort came after me because of a prophecy which I think is a load of bullshit and Dumbledore has been trying to mold me into his pawn all in the name of some dubious 'greater good' crap that he believes in. There's a reason why I prefer shinobi to mages."

"And that is?" asked Haku.

"While you people kill, you don't blame some dubious 'greater good'. It's either business, pleasure or other. And you don't try to manipulate the governments to claim people are evil simply because of a genetic disposition or you were generally unlucky at the time. Most of the Forbidden techniques are that way for a damn good reason, and even then you will still allow others to learn it even if it is considered cruel or evil. I can tell you right now that if you were to look at the mages curriculum from five hundred or even a thousand years ago, you would find the mages were a hell of a lot stronger and they wouldn't have their heads up their asses like today."

"And what level are _you_ at?" asked Haku amused.

"Damn Troublesome. Fortunately I have an awesome owl who is used to training owlets in senjutsu and magic. She stole a good portion of the forbidden section just in case she found me again."

"I've been meaning to ask, but how did she know you were still around?" asked Sai.

"Hedwig was my closest friend and confidant, and she treated me like a nestling. From the books I read, that kind of love generally tends to create a true Familiar bond, and those allow the Familiar to always know the status of their partner. Hedwig knew I was still alive, technically, but since she could only find my body she chose to guard it for me until we went to Kumo and she could follow my magic signature."

"So what do we do now?"

"Now you two wait while I find the exit and check on the minion's team. I'll be back in a sec."

Hari slumped onto the table as if asleep and Haku looked at Sai.

"You know for an adopted Nara he sure uses that ability of his like a Yamanaka. Makes you wonder if he was adopted by the wrong clan."

"From what I hear, all three of Team 10 think of him as an older brother, so it really doesn't matter. And we've seen him use the same shadow techniques the Nara are famous for."

"Yeah, but he only uses that when he's feeling vindictive or just cranky we woke him up too early," Haku pointed out.

"I can use the Nara techniques, but it's easier to keep them as a surprise. I'm already known as the Ghost of Konoha, so why not use it?" yawned Hari.

"How did it go?"

"We're about 400 feet from the exit, and once the Kyuubi sensed me he passed the message on to Naruto as to which direction it was in."

"How can we be sure it's the right one?"

"Easy. What Zabuza neglected to mention was outside there is a tent with all the sensei waiting for their teams to come out. In case you haven't noticed, Anko has gotten rather good at telling when I'm around, because she left the tent for a bit and told me that only three teams have successfully escaped with both scrolls."

"Good to know," said Haku.

"Anyway, we have a choice. Do you want to wait for the kiddies or just head on out?"

"How bad was Naruto's team?" asked Haku.

"Pinky got nailed pretty good in the arm, so she should really get checked when we leave. Sasuke's suffering from minor chakra exhaustion when I looked, apparently he'd been spamming Fireballs quite a bit earlier. Naruto's still got that seal, which for some reason was unusually stubborn. We might have to get the Toad Sage to look at it later."

"We'll wait for them," said Haku.

"I'll let the minion's furry friend know, so we can head out."

An hour later Team 7 showed up looking rather tired, but not too worse for wear.

"Right. Now Minion, you and your team will follow my lead until we get out of this place. But before that...ramen anyone?"

"RAMEN!" Naruto cried, and practically tackled Hari. Sai and Haku laughed.

* * *

"You ran into Orochimaru...and didn't kill him?"

"Out of my league, Anko-chan. I'm insane, not borderline stupid. Besides, from the note he left in one of the untouched kitchens, he likes me," shrugged Hari.

"He likes you," she said deadpan.

"Apparently we have a mutual hatred and dislike for two mages. Something about Voldemort's attempts to steal his snake summoning scroll and Dumbledore pissing him off. He knows that I won't take the fact he's trying to kill me personally."

"And since you're borderline immortal anyway..." she left hanging.

"Yeah. So you can see why he took an interest. I intend to have Hedwig look over the book he left, but that's about it."

"I don't know whether to hate you or agree with you. I can understand not trying to take my personal grudge against him as your own though."

"He's after Sasuke, but left him alone when I pointed out the kid wasn't worth his time, and marking him would be pointless at the moment. Oh, and he said he'll be seeing you soon enough anyway."

Anko quirked a grin.

"I can see why he would like you. After all, I got a good portion of my insanity from _him_. Trying to tempt a mage who's just as cracked must have appealed to him greatly."

Hari was the one to notice the so-called Sound Jounin gain a pained look. Unknown to the disguised Orochimaru, Hari knew it was him and he enjoyed the look he had on his face.

Hari decided to tactfully _not_ mention the fact that Orochimaru was five feet behind her.

"That reminds me! I have a silver-haired toy for you! All we have to do is catch him!" said Hari cheerfully.

"Oh ho?"

"He's supposed to be a Leaf but from what I can tell he's more of a snake fan! Imagine all the fun we could have by bringing out Manda!" said Hari cheerfully, enjoying the look of annoyance on Orochimaru's face.

"How do you know he's a snake in the Leaf?"

Hari brought out Kabuto's cards.

"Sai confirmed that these have too much confidential information in them for a mere genin, no matter _how_ good he is. You would think a medic nin would know better than to showcase such private information like mission completion records for jinchuriki and the last Uchiha in a room full of foreign shinobi. Or better yet think to seal them away before they could be pick-pocketed by others next to him," said Hari flatly.

Orochimaru could only think _'If Kabuto survives I will have to be sure to point out his rather foolish attempt to get to know the Uchiha. The mage is right, only an idiot reveals sensitive information in front of that many people, particularly genin.'_

"So the ROOT brat confirmed it?" said Anko.

Orochimaru nearly choked. That was even worse!

"Kabuto was a dumbass. Why is it that supposed geniuses can be such idiots? I mean he had the real records of Sai's abilities on those cards! Only an idiot would allow that kind of information out!"

The Snake Sannin wanted to bang his head on something. Kabuto was an idiot alright. He put the wrong information on those silly cards of his! And to bring them to this particular examination! If Anko didn't kill him, _he_ would!

"Why are you smiling brat?"

"Just imagining the look on the Snake Sannin's face if he were to hear how badly his favorite infiltrator screwed up in a room with the Head of Konoha's Interrogation Unit."

Anko laughed hard. She didn't know Orochimaru was behind her trying not to growl. Or the fact that Hari had risen in his estimation, because he was absolutely right about Kabuto. The silver-haired genin had screwed up royally and had become complacent simply because no one had caught him yet. If he survived what was to come and managed to return to Sound, Orochimaru fully planned to chew the boy out about it.

Kami knows Kabuto would at least _remember_ this particular lesson. He was only lucky Hari hadn't immediately brought it to the attention of the old Monkey yet.


	12. Chapter 12

Kabuto was sweating big time. Ibiki and worse, ANKO, had come looking for him. They didn't say why, but considering the department they worked for it didn't take a great leap of imagination to figure it out.

At least now he knew where his Ninja Info cards had vanished to. He hadn't had time to seal them away...not that he was very good at sealing. It was a miracle his cards even _worked_.

Kabuto was rather quick to run from the hospital, wisely assuming his cover had been blown, though _how_ he had no idea.

He found Orochimaru waiting for the Kazekage and informed him about his cover. Orochimaru then did something that had him gaping.

He whacked him upside the head annoyed.

"I already knew your cover had been blown. I was there when the green eyed Ghost boy informed Anko that you were a traitor."

Kabuto gaped.

"How?! How the hell did he know? I haven't felt any temperature drops around me since he first starting coming out!"

Orochimaru held up the Ninja Info cards, Chunin deck.

"You were stupid enough to show off your precious cards in front of a room of _genin_ and to top it all off you informed others about a jinchuriki's mission record. Though from what I can tell about this Hari, he probably stole them out of curiosity. He only figured it out when he showed his teammate the card about him and was informed that you put the _wrong_ information down like an idiot."

"Which one? I haven't got hardly anything on the Ice user... Oh hell no. The Uchiha-look-alike?! But I put down his ninja info like I always do!"

"You put down his _ROOT_ information you fool! This Sai had a doctored version put in place of his real one to keep the old monkey happy. Of course he'd recognize the difference!"

"Orochimaru-sama, how do you know all this?"

"I was standing five feet from them while they discussed it you complacent idiot! What were you thinking, bringing those cards to the exam hall and showing them off like a rookie genin?!"

Kabuto blanched. He was thoroughly cowed by the way Orochimaru took pleasure in ripping him a new one for blowing his cover because of the fact he had brought cards that by all means shouldn't exist, and had information no genin would ever get no matter _how_ connected they were.

The only time he let off was while he killed the Kazekage in a fit of annoyance and dumped the body.

Unknown to them, Hari was watching the entire thing with a grin on his face while he sat on a nearby outcropping of rock. Too bad he couldn't record anything, because he knew Anko would _pay_ to see this one.

He paused, and grinned even wider. Perhaps Hedwig could help him get his hands on a pensieve?

* * *

Anko couldn't help the cackle as she watched the traitor get ripped a new one. When she saw the Kazekage get killed, her eyebrows raised.

"Why kill the Kazekage?"

"Probably to take his place. Why, I have no idea. Now if you'll excuse me I have a minion to train," cackled Hari.

"Brat, you only have one more day before the next exam begins. What sort of training could you possibly do in that time?"

"Introduce Sai to pranks and the best damn stamina exercise ever created?"

"Ah. Carry on then. Just give my clones the route so I can record it," said Anko.

"Sure, Anko-chan!" said Hari with a silly grin.

* * *

"DAMMIT ALL! GET BACK HERE YOU PESTS!" screamed an irate ANBU team.

The insane cackle that was heard after that sent shivers of DOOM down the spines of anyone unlucky enough to hear it. All they could think was 'Thank KAMI it's not me!' as Hari, Naruto and Sai ran along the rooftops while the ANBU team chased them after being hit with a rather creative use of paint...and what appeared to be adult toys.

Several mothers quickly covered their children's eyes from the sight, despite the fact that this was a regular occurrence since Anko didn't feel the need to stop this kind of behavior. As far as she was concerned, the ANBU needed someone to keep them on their toes inside village limits, and if Hari wanted to step up to that plate, then why not?

The fact he was slowly gathering minions to help him didn't bother her one bit. Nope, not one little bit. Neither did the fact that the Hokage was quite willing to send someone to find Tsunade so she could deal with this crap instead of him. Or if Kakashi's team passed, the perverted Jounin. He wasn't above dropping someone in the deep end if it meant he didn't have to do the accursed paperwork again!

Sai was currently trying to come to terms to how the hell he had been roped into this. Because he certainly didn't plan on helping Hari prank the ANBU, or becoming his accomplice in pissing off the ANBU.

Yet here he was, doing something Danzo would certainly be angry at him for and possibly throw him back into basic training to beat the emotions out of him. The fact that Hari would take offense to this and do something even worse in return also crossed his mind.

But the thing that threw him into a loop was this. He was actually _enjoying_ the chase and the yells of the ANBU. And this confused him. He was supposed to be a perfect Shinobi, one who had no emotions. He could barely feel anything after his 'brother' died. Hell, he still didn't know why he even looked at the odd books Hari gave him claiming it would be good for his paint attacks.

Books that had some of the greatest art pieces in the world, like those done by Vincent Van Gogh, Michelangelo, DaVinci and many others. Sai enjoyed looking at those paintings.

In fact Hari fully planned to hire his team to go to the Louvre on what was listed as Sai's birthday on his registration card as a present, not that the teen knew that.

When they escaped the team behind them, Sai took a deep breath and accepted Hari's water flask.

"I must admit, I was a bit...skeptical...about the validity of your statement," said Sai.

"Told ya pranks were one hell of a workout. After eating as much as Chouji does when he uses his clan techniques, it's managed to completely shatter my old body weight. I no longer look like a skinny scarecrow," said Hari.

Sai couldn't help his reaction. He laughed. Hari beamed at him in triumph!

"Ha! I knew pranking would do it! Pay up Naruto!"

"Huh?"

"Nii-san said that pranking might be able to break your mask. I think your grin now suits you better," said Naruto, handing over a few ryo.

Sai didn't even realize he was smiling. Yet somehow he didn't care. All thoughts of Danzo's programming and brainwashing never even came to his mind. All he knew was that he enjoyed this moment.

At least until he got to his apartment and found the note that Danzo wanted to see him. Apparently he had heard about the prank and wasn't too happy.

Normally Sai would immediately go to the base. But something inside him told him to make a pit stop first.

Months of being around Hari had done something Danzo never expected. It had given him a mind of his own, something outside of missions.

He went to see Hari at the ramen stand, and if asked he would say he had made plans and didn't want to blow his cover with his team.

"Hari, I would like to ask you a favor..."

"He heard about the prank and wants to see you right?"

"Yes."

"I'll meet you at the tea stand. Just give me time to go to Naruto's house so no one sees me ditch the body."

Sai nodded. The tea stand was on the route he planned to take and was very close to the base itself. Fifteen minutes later he was on his way to see Danzo.

He felt when Hari jumped into his body, but he kept up the charade that he was alone. He had heard that Hari was impossible to find when he hid in Shikamaru's body, because the temperature didn't drop.

Sai crawled through the sewer, noting that Hari didn't even flinch at the smell or the sight. He made his way into the office where Danzo was waiting.

"I have heard a report that you pranked a senior ANBU and his team. While I understand that you must maintain your cover, that doesn't mean I approve such...frivolity. You are one of my soldiers first and foremost. Is that clear?" he growled.

_**Yeesh. What crawled up his ass and died?**_

Sai was glad of his training, because his mouth never twitched once, though he agreed with Hari.

"If I hear you've pranked again I will have you sent back for retraining," said Danzo annoyed.

* * *

Hari left Sai and followed Danzo at a good pace. He didn't even notice the odd cold air on the ceiling...or the fact that Hari waited until he left before unraveling a scroll to reveal his clone.

By the time morning had come, Hari was gone, and he had copied something very interesting indeed.

It was the counter seal to the one placed on the ROOT agent's throat to keep them from talking. And the second they were done with the next part of the Chunin exam Hari was going to apply it to Sai.

He could tell the artist's natural personality was being subdued, much like his own had thanks to the Dursleys and the weight of the Magical Communities expectations. And that was something he would never allow to continue.

Sai was already trying to break free and removing the seal, he hoped, would make it a lot easier.

At the very least if Danzo tried anything he could bust him by telling Ibiki and the others all the exits to the ROOT base and the counter seal.

Danzo had pissed him off, and if there was one thing people had learned once he became alive (in a sense) again was you don't piss off Hari Nara and expect to get out unscathed.

* * *

The first hint that something bad had happened was when Danzo had gone in to the small room to put in some new files. He paused, and realized something was very, very wrong. All the files in the cabinet were put exactly back into place in the same order he had had them in a thousand times. Not a single paper was misplaced or in the wrong order.

Yet he knew someone had been in here besides him.

Danzo was a war veteran, and paranoia was something he had cultivated over many years. If something was wrong, he was determined to find out what.

Hari had left that room exactly two days ago, and any traces of his ghostly self had long since disappeared after six hours had passed. Hari knew about his little problem with ectoplasm, and as such had done extensive tests with Inoichi and Shikaku to determine how to minimize the presence of it. As a result, he had cut the amount of time it took for the stuff to go away by half.

There wasn't anything to prove that he was there, and because of his unique nature, there wasn't anything to _disprove_ it either. Then again as far as Naruto was aware, Hari had fallen asleep on his couch while watching the recently imported movie '_The Lord of the Rings'_.

While the battle scenes were cool enough, the rest of the plot easily put Naruto to sleep.

Finally Danzo left, unable to figure out what the hell was off about the room. He could find nothing out of the ordinary, and it bothered him.

Anyone who could come into his Base and steal information without leaving a trace was worthy of a promotion, if they weren't jounin level already. It took real skill to pull something that difficult off without letting anyone know you had been there.

* * *

"Alright brats! Those of you who survived the bunker labyrinth, here's your reward! Since too many of you passed, we get to have a tournament style free for all in which the winner gets to proceed to the next round!" yelled Zabuza.

25 teams had gone in, only 10 remained. It was still a higher number than the last time it had been held in Konoha, in which barely five had survived the forest. Then again, this time the kiddies had a much better chance of actually living through it since there were kitchens with a day's worth of food for an Akimichi and no animals seeking to eat you alive if you went the wrong way.

The only real obstacle was the labyrinth, but any shinobi who couldn't find a way to tell which direction was south east when you were coming in from the northwest wasn't worth being a chunin. It spoke volumes that all the rookie teams survived along with Anko's team. Gaara, the rather stoic redhead, had also passed with his team, following the Kyuubi's chakra signature. One team from Taki, Iwa, and Kumo had passed. Though from what Hari understood the genin from Kumo sensei was the same one they had to deal with during their mission, and he was akin to Might Gai in Konoha.

He couldn't wait to arrange a meeting between Kira Bee and Gai.

There was something to be said that Hari was Chaos incarnate. Sarutobi was quite sure the boy was attempting to recreate the Four Horsemen from the West, but Hari would neither confirm nor deny such a statement. As it was, Naruto was considered Famine solely because of his ability to devour countless bowls of ramen and never getting sick of it.

Sarutobi really, really didn't want to meet Pestilence, War and Death. The thought of Hari with more 'minions of Chaotic destruction' gave him heart palpitations, and he was already on thin ice with the medic nin in charge of that!

The computer generated random pairings, and one by one the number of genin dropped. A few times there was a double knockout.

Out of the rookies, only a few teams passed intact.

Hari's team beat their opponents easily, though the Iwa and Taki nin weren't happy. Naruto passed, as did Hinata and Shikamaru, Gai's team got through intact, though it was a close call for Lee. Gaara and Temari won their matches, but Kankuro was taken out by Shino who's termite colony decimated his puppets. Kiba had been taken out by one of the Kumo nin, Sasuke had his ass kicked by Hari, Sakura was beaten by an annoyed Ino who was mad the girl she once proclaimed was her rival was so damn weak.

Ino had taken to training with Hari, who said her mind transfer jutsu was acceptable at best and piss poor at her worst. Considering it was the by now infamous Ghost who said this, she took it to heart that she needed to work more. Inoichi was just glad the boy had knocked some sense into his daughter so she dropped the silly dieting.

In the end there were only 13 genin left out of fifteen pairs.

"Those of you who passed, come up and get a numbered slip. You'll fight whoever gets the one after yours."

The match pairings were:

Hari VS Kamui

Gaara VS Haku

Hinata VS Ino

Shino VS Sai

Neji VS Lee

Temari VS Shikamaru

Naruto had a bye and would face whoever won the first match.

"I advise you to train, and train hard. The next part of the exam is considered the hardest, since one of the surefire ways to get promoted is to win the tournament...if you don't display that you are a dangerously unstable person anyway."

Haku had to do it. He raised his hand.

"Yes?" asked Zabuza.

"If being dangerously unstable is a bad thing, then how the hell did you and Anko both manage to become Jounin?"

Zabuza twitched. Trust his surrogate son to ask something like that.

"When I took it I was in Kiri, and I had already had a reputation as a mass murderer. Besides, they tend to overlook things like that when you wield a sword this big," he said flatly.

"And Anko?"

"I passed in Kiri brat. If they can overlook _his_ insanity and bloodthirsty nature, they can overlook mine," said Anko annoyed.

"In that case, how in the hell did GAI pass?"

"He was in Kumo," said Sarutobi amused.

Kamui facepalmed, because after seeing the way Gai acted around his clone, he could tell the man was like his teacher Kira Bee. And He had already started rapping by that time...so someone like Gai _would_ be considered borderline sane by Kumo standards.


	13. Chapter 13

**I fully blame the idea for Hedwig being a battle owl on another story I happen to love called Auryn by Araceil. (Yes people, I HAVE read that story.) I would provide a link but the editor won't let me.**

* * *

In the end, Hari found a teacher in the most under appreciated of all people.

Iruka Umino, the only teacher to give Naruto half a chance. Kakashi had mentioned off hand to the man about Hari's ability to teach even Naruto something like elemental manipulation and water walking. Iruka, while in disbelief someone like Hari could teach the hyper Naruto anything without lecturing, had withheld that opinion in favor of seeing for himself.

This was eventually proven by Hari showing Konohamaru and Co how to properly sharpen a kunai so that it didn't become dull to the point where it became Academy standard. Since, by law, Academy kunai and shuriken had to be blunt.

After that Iruka decided to see how he would teach basic chakra control to the students, and paid Anko's team to teach at the school for a week so he could take a vacation.

He came back to find the students more eager to learn and slightly traumatized because of Anko. On the plus side, they could properly walk on walls (a variation of tree climbing) and at least make it to the ceiling. They were also more attentive towards history, which put shinobi to sleep rather quickly. Some of the students even learned how to draw properly.

When he asked how they managed to get the students interested in history, Hari had laughed hard. He then told Iruka the secret to keeping an eight year old interested in the past.

Read the history book like you were telling a really interesting bed time story, and they will be hooked. Particularly if you back it up with declassified mission reports and explain how it effected that particular event.

Iruka had dropped his jaw at the idea, which when he tried it turned out to be more interesting than if he had read the history book straight.

As a result the Hokage found that most of the declassified mission reports had been copied and given to the Academy to aid in teaching history. If it happened to make the class more interesting and the kids actually paid attention, who cared? At least they weren't gathering dust and being put to really good use.

It was Iruka who ended up being his training partner during that month, and Hari couldn't have been more surprised.

Iruka had stamina, practically had the entire Academy curriculum in his head, and was loyal to a fault. He was also a prankster, which appealed to Hari greatly. But the reason why he had accepted the man's offer to join him in training was rather simple. It was a fact that had gone completely unnoticed and forgotten even by the Hokage.

Iruka had magic. And he had undergone training once he made chunin, devoting his spare time to learning the under appreciated art. When introduced to Hedwig, he had surprised both of them by introducing them to his familiar Karasu, a raven.

Hari spent the entire month sharpening his disused magic ability and reacquainting himself to attack spells. He had been horrified to realize that he could barely remember most of them.

Between Iruka and Hedwig, Hari could safely say that if he were to take the NEWTs right that moment he would have passed them with flying colors...the practicals at least.

It was thanks to Iruka that he learned one important fact. The basilisk _wasn't_ his animagus form like he assumed. The basilisk belonged to the Slytherin side of his mind, which took control whenever he snapped. He decided to call that part of himself Shin.

His true animal form wasn't a cat, a wolf, or even a stag. It wasn't even four footed!

It was something that had Hedwig laughing in disbelief.

Hari's animal form was an owl. A midnight black one who looked like Hedwig only without the specks. It took him a week to finally get the hang of turning into his animal form, and three days to build his wing muscles up to Hedwig's satisfaction. After that it was difficult to keep him on the ground, because he was seen flying all over Konoha.

Unfortunately the discovering of his real animal form and eventual ability to fly caused the biggest headache in Sarutobi's long career.

Hari had Sai and Naruto pile up balloons filled with paint, glue, toilet water...all sorts of humiliating things. One was even filled with blood, though Anko had nearly skewered him for that one, because she had been talking to Kurenai at the time and he had nailed both by accident.

For the rest of that month Hari improved his flight skills by dropping random balloons and avoiding angry nins. The paperwork was horrendous, and Sarutobi couldn't blame Hari because he had found a way to put a genjutsu that made him look like a hawk instead of an owl.

And everyone knew he had the owl contract, or a variant of it.

Hari tried not to grin when he heard the scream of absolute rage from the Hokage tower.

* * *

Hari insured Naruto made it to the arena on time with a simple bowl of Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto awoke early to the smell and once the bowl was consumed, the boy got ready to go. They left early enough that they completely missed a few people who had placed bets on the fights.

"You know it's a really, really good thing that your arrival depended on me. I bet ya 1000 ryo that if Kakashi had been training you, you wouldn't have made it on time," chuckled Hari.

"That's a sucker's bet, and only Tsunade would have been dumb enough to take it," said Naruto flatly.

The proctor in charge of the fight chuckled. Originally it would have been an ANBU named Hayate, but his sickness suddenly got worse so he was placed on hospital leave.

Hedwig, when she heard of his illness, went looking through some potions texts to find anything that could help. A diagnosis spell revealed that the illness the man had was tuberculosis.

His lungs would be weak for a while yet, but once the potion was found he wouldn't cough anymore. Fortunately for him, the owls loved books, and had a tendency to hoard them. That included medical texts.

The Third, when he learned of the Kazekage's death, had wisely laced a few jounin on the roof hidden under a very strong genjutsu so Orochimaru wouldn't notice them. Much like Hari, Orochimaru didn't have a knack for genjutsu and his sensor ability was sub par at best.

Sarutobi gave a short speech, and everyone but Hari and the kid from Kumo went up to the box set aside for them. Hari still grinned after introducing Gai to Bee. The two had hit it off rather fast, and everyone near them looked on in absolute horror.

Gai had found a kindred spirit, and the man's rapping skill was worse than his Youth rants.

Hari had cackled like a mad man, and the ANBU felt true horror that day.

It was only made worse when a few hours later Hari remembered that Kira Bee was the jinchuriki of the Eight Tails, and then introduced Naruto and Gaara to him. It had been a rather...odd reunion for the Bijuu that ended with them discussing the strangeness that was the mage who inadvertently brought them together.

Even Shukaku, who was certifiably insane and wanted to kill anything in his path, liked Hari. He seemed to have that effect on any tailed beast he came across, and not even _he_ knew why that was.

All he cared about was the fact that they often made better conversationalists than humans did. They seemed to find that fact rather amusing.

* * *

Hari stood silently waiting for the match to start. He planned to hit hard and fast. Speed was one of his best qualities and it didn't hurt that Gai had told him where to find weights like Lee used.

Though he was quick to burn the jumpsuit Gai had tried to give him.

Kamui glared at him, because thanks to him Kira Bee had been even _more_ annoying than he had thought possible.

Hari grinned as Kamui charged him, unaware that the sun was _behind_ him at the moment, meaning his shadow was going to be quite long.

Hari's hands flew through the hand signs for the Nara specialty. Just because he didn't like using it didn't mean he wasn't capable of the clan techniques.

"You're in range of my shadow."

Kamui suddenly stopped, his shadow connected to Hari's. The ghostly presence of his hands went up to the boy's neck.

"Do you really want me to use that on you?" he asked.

The boy was _pissed_ that he had been caught so easily, but not so much that he didn't use his head. What most people didn't know was that the shadow bind went two ways, and the kid managed to angle his sword in a way that the sun hit Hari right in the eyes.

Hari blinked, but the sun was too strong. He dropped the jutsu and jumped before the kid could get any ground on him.

He wouldn't catch him like that twice, so he didn't bother to try. Instead he tried another tactic.

Hari was a master of annoying people to the point of royally pissing them off.

Kamui was frothing with rage by the time Hari was done with him. And when he eventually hit the guy with a full body bind, he was pissed off!

"Winner, Hari!" said Genma. He had to admit, Hari was a master at annoyance.

* * *

Hari walked up, carrying the other guy to the fighter box.

"Finite."

"Asshole."

"Bah. Kid, word to the wise, don't insult someone who can make a Kage cry in less than five minutes for the hell of it."

"Uh...what?"

"I can get the old man up there to cry and wish for death in five minutes flat, and then outrun him," said Hari.

"How the hell would you do that?" asked Kamui in disbelief.

Hari grinned evilly.

"Paperwork. I can get him to give me the good missions by agreeing to unleash the paperwork demon of pranks on another village for a week."

He could _feel_ the other jounin sensei wince.

"Besides, only an idiot would anger someone who can get the tailed beasts to like him enough to chat."

Kamui's eyes widened.

"How many?"

"1, 2, 8 and 9. Every one of them, when they first meet me, has sat down to chat quite calmly. Apparently they like the fact I treat them like they happened to have a brain in their head."

* * *

Hari finally paid attention to the fight below. Haku was having fun with Gaara, and it appeared that the container for the insane tanuki was enjoying himself too.

It didn't hurt that Jiraiya had placed a new seal on the poor kid so he could get some sleep...in exchange for Hari not torching his research notes.

Since Hari had seen the Kazekage killed, and then the man show up anyway, the Hokage knew there was an invasion about to happen. Or an attempted assassination.

He was leaning towards invasion, with the absurd number of Suna nin in the crowd.

Eventually Gaara got tired of playing with Haku, as did the icy boy. The two went for broke, and Hari was almost certain Haku had earned a chunin vest with his moves. Gaara would advance, but Haku had only done enough to become a chunin, and still had chakra to spare.

The minute Hari realized there was going to be an attack on the village he lived in, he had done something that absolutely terrified Sai and Haku to the bone.

Crazy Hari they were used to. What they weren't used to was a cold, tactical and downright ruthless Hari who planned to do everything in his power to keep his home and loved ones safe.

It hadn't taken long for Hari to realize that he had a multiple personality problem. Fortunately he accepted that and had even figured out how to tell them apart.

**Slytherin** Hari was the one who loved using a scythe and could turn into a basilisk. Probably a parting gift from the one he freed by killing, or an after effect of the venom in his blood.

**Hufflepuff** Hari was the medic, the one who volunteered at the hospital and soaked up new healing tricks like a sponge. He was the caring, gentle one. You crossed him at your own death.

**Ravenclaw** Hari was the researcher, the one who drove Shikamaru to read a random subject for an entire week and played shogi against the father and son regularly.

**Gryffindor** Hari was the mask, the prankster and insane one. He had been Gryffindor Hari so long that it was easy just to allow his more brash and bullheaded side show and hide his true nature. Everyone assumed Gryffindor Hari was the real one.

But they were all him, aspects of himself that he had been forced to split apart to remain even remotely sane thanks to Dumbledore and the Dursleys. You don't go through years and years of abuse, neglect and that kind of pressure and come out intact. Something had to break, and in his case it was his psyche.

* * *

Hari gave Haku a light pat on the back for a show well done and the boy grinned at him.

Gaara grinned at him, and accepted the dango that he had bought to snack on.

Hinata against Ino...it was just pathetic. Ino's main attack was her mind switch trick, and against Hinata's faster moves it was useless. Hinata quickly took out Ino by blocking her chakra and the blond forfeited with little struggle.

Hari cheered her up by telling her that he would help train her in a few other moves so she wouldn't be so easily beaten. The next match had just started, and Sai decided to really lay down the law.

Ever since Hari had given Jiraiya the counter seal to the ugly tattoo on the back of his throat, Sai had been much more open. There was something to be said of the fact that Hari had actually broken Sai's emotional programming.

Sai actually acted...well, human now. He smiled more and he realized that he enjoyed painting for more than just his ninja techniques.

The Hokage couldn't be happier, because it meant there was still hope for those who had been brainwashed by Danzo.

Though Hari had recommended putting the people he wanted freed in the same squad as Naruto or him for a few months. It was kinda hard to not love the blond ball of inexhaustible energy.

And Hari...well, enough said right there. He would either make them crack from sheer anger or they would attempt to kill him first. Either way, that emotional training would be shot to hell.

Shino was having trouble with Sai's constructs...for some reason the ink seemed to have some sort of insect repellant and as far as Hari knew the boy hadn't switched out the jars.

Eventually Shino displayed common sense and forfeited, because at the rate he was going it would be hours before Sai ran out of chakra and his hive was getting antsy as it was.

"Winner, Sai!"

Finally Hari paid complete attention to Lee and Neji. Neji annoyed him so much that it wasn't even funny, and he took sadistic pleasure in dropping balloons on the pretty boy's shiny hair and watching him look up in absolute murder filled fury. Like most Hyuuga, Neji took far too much pride in his shiny hair.

At least Hinata showed some common bloody sense and had it cut short. It was still a little too shiny and clean, but it was shorter than most of the Hyuuga.

"GO LEE! KICK HIS FATE OBSESSED ASS! THROW SOME MUD INTO HIS ABSURDLY LONG HAIR!" shouted Hari from the box. Neji gave him a murder filled glare that spoke volumes about how much he would enjoy killing him.

Naruto did the only thing he could and started laughing. Then he loudly pointed out how girly Neji looked and the fact that he most definitely _had_ to be mistaken as female at some point.

If Neji were right there at the moment, Naruto would have gotten a jyuken strike to the nads, without hesitation.

It didn't take long for Neji to realize neither boy was going to let up taunting him, so he took it out on Lee. In the end, Lee kicked his ass because Neji kept allowing the two to get to him. Rather embarrassing really.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Just to clarify people, I did **_**not****_ get the idea for Broken Shadows from Araciel's Auryn! The idea came from an anime I recently purchased called 'Ghost Hunt', which is a series about ghost hunters. While I admit that I did get the idea for the battle owls and the summons from her story, I am not trying to copy her! I honestly did NOT notice the similarities until people started to point it out._**

* * *

Naruto was really, really eager for his turn. Shikamaru couldn't care less. Either way he knew something was up and he really didn't want to face Temari.

She had challenged him to shogi and nearly beaten him, but was annoyed she lost to him and kept asking for a rematch. Hari had laughed and said that he could see the two dating in the future.

Age really didn't factor in as heavily as it did for civilians. Ino was already giving _Sai _speculative glances.

Hari took a nap while Shikamaru played with Temari. Because of his possession, Shikamaru had a very large amount of stamina and his laziness was at a minimum. Once Hari had his own body, the boy started to act like a normal Nara male again.

In the Nara clan, Hari was the oddball because he had trouble staying still. However he could beat Shikaku _and_ Shikamaru at Shogi, had a large amount of intelligence, and could cloud watch for hours and not fall asleep. Oh, and he could use the clan techniques as well as any of the clan. Plus his animal spirit was a stag, which always went over well with the clan, since they raised deer.

Two hours later, Naruto kicked his brother awake, and handed him a bowl of Ichiraku ramen. Apparently they had taken his advice to heart and dragged a portable kitchen and stall and were selling bowls like hotcakes.

Naturally Naruto had gravitated to it once he became hungry and had nearly bought them out on stock.

"~Yawn~ What's the score?"

"Temari is giving him a run for his money and he's being lazy. Shouldn't last much longer though," said Sai.

"Guess I should wake up then. Our match is next," yawned Hari.

"I can't wait!" said Naruto.

"WINNER: TEMARI!"

Hari blinked.

"Well that settles that. Did Shika give up?"

"Yup."

"_We will have a fifteen minute break before the next match. As a reminder, the next match will be Hari Nara against Naruto Uzumaki. Both of Konoha."_

Hari and Naruto spent that time devouring their ramen, unconcerned in the least. Once that was done they waited for the proctor to announce the time was up.

"Will Hari and Naruto get down here to start their match?" announced Genma.

The two immediately appeared in a Body Flicker, which mostly jounin used.

"BEGIN!" yelled Genma, who immediately ran to the side.

* * *

Sarutobi kept a close eye on the 'Kazekage' who was paying far too much attention to Hari for it to be normal. When Naruto unleashed the Rasengan without even knowing the proper name for it, he gaped. Where the hell did he learn that technique? Jiraiya only told him that he showed the kid how to summon toads!

He heard Hari's indignant shout.

"OI! I thought we agreed no swirling balls of death!"

"You agreed! I only nodded!" said Naruto cheerfully.

Sarutobi covered his eyes. This was beyond bad. If any of the Iwa nin in attendance took notice of the Fourth's signature jutsu being used by a boy who looked almost identical to him, it could start a war. He only hoped neither of them started summoning...

"SUMMONING JUTSU!" came the twin cries.

_'Someone kill me now...or better yet Hari, because I know he's responsible for this mess...'_ thought Sarutobi.

Gamashi and Hedwig joined in the fray, both acting as though this was a sparring practice. Hari showed an uncanny knack for knowing how to help his owl summons. The two were in perfect sync.

Suddenly feathers started to fall on the audience, and the two stopped. Sarutobi saw the Kazekage kill his guard, and then drag them both to the roof as Hari had Naruto send his clones to the stands to wake anyone with a headband.

The invasion had begun.

* * *

Hari quickly rejoined with the other genin. Gaara had been taken away by other Sand shinobi to transform, even though he really didn't feel like destroying the village. Hari immediately dropped into his Ravenclaw side, who was the strategist. The other genin looked somewhat worried about the change, but looked past it since they had bigger problems.

Soon each of them were helping civilians, waking anyone with a Leaf headband (Naruto wasn't that great at dispelling genjutsu), and generally staying out of the way.

Sai, Haku and Hari went after Gaara in the hopes that Hari could persuade the red head to not unleash Shukaku.

Hari only saw a wave of orange before he jumped into the forest.

* * *

_**Hah! The baby Shinigami isn't pleased.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**Your mage friend is heading this way with murder in his mind. You're safe, but the people around you aren't.**_

_...What do you mean I'm safe?_

_**The Shinigami brat likes Jinchuriki too much to consider attacking them. **_

_Who is the Shinigami brat?_

_**The mage kid. The one all the Bijuu happen to like for some reason.**_

_Oh, you mean Hari-nii._

_**...When did you start calling him that?**_

_When he handed me a book on torture devices through the ages and suggested some new techniques that cause more pain when people die. I didn't know you could get people to scream more when you use tentacles to rip them in half from their..._

_**ACK! For the love of the Sage, no mental images! The Shinigami brat is a bad influence on you.**_

_Really? He suggested that since I get a kick out of freaking others out I should be a Tokubetsu nin because I could terrify anyone I wanted and get paid for it._

_**...That...is actually a valid point. Who knew your murderous impulses were a good thing? Even I never considered that idea...**_

_So I should bring it up later?_

_**Absolutely! Can you imagine the look on cat-boy and four tail's faces when they learn you were accepted as a torture specialist?**_

Gaara actually grinned, and freaked out the nin around him. This was because the grin wasn't his standard '_I'm about to murder someone without a second thought_' grin, no this was the universal grin of someone who had just come up with an unholy prank that would cause mass humiliation for the target.

It should be noted that any Bijuu who came into contact with Hari Nara ended up being nicer to their host. Or learned how to prank them, in the case of Hachibi. Hari had no idea what caused this odd side effect, but he didn't complain.

* * *

Hari saw the Sand Nin waiting for him, and knew he couldn't take them out on his own. There were simply too many. However, he was suddenly struck with an absolutely _evil_ idea.

"Haku, Sai, get ready to retrieve Gaara. I'm about to unleash something that will cause nightmares."

"Why do I suddenly get a feeling of dread when you say that?" asked Haku.

"Because I'm about to introduce those Chunin and Jounin to something even demons fear... It's the song that never ends!"

Haku got a strange look on his face.

"Hari, if you ever use that on me or Sai, I will freeze all of your boxers for a week."

Hari snickered.

"My dear Frosty, do you really think that will stop me? My aunt and Uncle used to throw me out in the middle of winter for days on end. Frozen bits don't faze me at all!"

Haku twitched. Sometimes it didn't pay to wake up in the mornings...though the fact no one would complain if he killed his rather annoying teammate did have some perks.

Especially since said annoying teammate could simply hijack a clone to return to duty. It was very...relaxing.

Sai took a long look at Haku before asking "Clone Stress Release?"

"Clone Stress Release."

"Uh...what?"

"Your hijacking technique is very...soothing...to use when stressed out," said Haku.

"...I should tone down my annoyance techniques for a while, shouldn't I?"

"Only if you don't want Frosty to skewer you while I bind you with my paintings," said Sai.

_O-kay...once this invasion is over I think I'll let Hufflepuff out more for a while..._ thought Hari with a sweatdrop.

* * *

The Sand nin stared. They couldn't help it. A giant purple and green dinosaur was coming up to them singing the most asinine song ever conceived. More than one tried to dispel it thinking it was a very bizarre genjutsu, only to discover to their horror that it wasn't.

But that wasn't the strangest thing of all.

Gaara, their weapon, started to hum along with the dinosaur's singing. And it was freaking out everyone who knew him. The worst part was that the song was only a few lines, and the damn thing kept repeating them over and over!

Baki twitched. If he didn't know any better he would swear this was the song that never ends. But the question was who the hell came up with this?!

When the dinosaur came up to Gaara and hugged him, every Sand nin there twitched. When Gaara actually hugged him back, quite a few face vaulted.

And then they heard the song growing louder...and looked behind them in horror when they realized the dinosaur had suddenly multiplied!

When the explosions started (the 'clones' were the exploding kind) none of them even noticed that the first dinosaur had grabbed Gaara and fled. They were too busy trying to kill the purple and green monstrosity.

* * *

_**What...the...hell?**_

Shukaku watched the odd purple thing come up to his host and hug him. Gaara decided to annoy his bijuu by humming along to the tune, which worked rather well. When the dinosaur managed to nab his host and run, he was twitching quite a bit.

When said dino turned into Hari, the twitching became a spasm.

_**Gaara, can you tell that brat I hate him?**_

"Shukaku wishes me to inform you that your technique annoys him greatly," said Gaara blandly.

"Good! It's supposed to annoy people. Have you ever had to watch that show? It's so...nice...that it's sickening."

Shukaku blinked.

_**Where the hell would you have watched a show like that?**_

"He wants to know where you've seen it."

"It's a television program for toddlers and it's supposed to teach them how to be morally conscious adults. It's called '_Barney and Friends_'. Frankly I could never stand it because the show was so dumbed down."

"The song is rather...catchy..." admitted Gaara.

"It's one of those songs that never ends, and is so annoying that you never really forget it. And judging by the looks those Sand guys were giving you, it would be a great interrogation trick."

"Does it bother you that you are really freaking out the One tail?"

"That just makes it even better. So what do you say Gaara? Do you want to unleash the Shukaku or not?"

"...You mean to destroy Konoha? Not particularly. It's the only village that has people willing to treat me like an actual person and not a weapon or a monster."

Hari grinned. He could see from where they were that the Sand nin who had grabbed Gaara was either incapacitated or dead at this point.

"You do realize that your refusal to unleash your bijuu on an allied village and controlling him even when he was annoyed has almost guaranteed a promotion, right?"

Gaara perked up at that.

"And that we can insure that you actually get it by helping out in the invasion. It doesn't hurt that we already knew Orochimaru had betrayed you guys."

"Is it wrong that I'm starting to develop a distaste for snakes?"

"Only so long as you still like serpents."

"There's a difference?" asked Gaara.

"About as much as there is between toads and frogs," admitted Hari.

The two quickly made short work of the Oto nin, since the Sand wasn't too enthusiastic about pissing off their jinchuriki who had no qualms about killing them if they interfered.

By the time the sun went down, a few things had happened.

One: Sand had learned that Orochimaru had killed their Kage and had turned on their allies. It also kept them on the good side of their Jinchuriki, who made it clear he was firmly on Konoha's side.

Two: Orochimaru had nearly killed the Hokage, if not for the last minute save of Hari who happened to break the barrier before Sarutobi could use the same seal Minato used on the Kyuubi by accident. Who knew the barrier was so weak to the presence of ectoplasm?

Three: Naruto and a few others managed to display enough Chunin-like decisions that the reports made their chances at promotion much more favorable.

All in all, the invasion wasn't a success for Orochimaru at all. He barely did any damage and the Third was still alive. However he did leave with one thing in his favor.

If he ever needed an accomplice to kill the pests that were known as Voldemort and Dumbledore, he would have a very willing accomplice in the deed. The fact it was their rival/pawn only made it all sweeter.

Well, that and Hari practically admitted he didn't mind chatting with him so long as Orochimaru didn't try to place a curse mark on him, kill him, or attempt to make him an experiment. At least now he had someone who could use those silly books he kept getting from the corpses of the Death Eaters who tried to steal his Snake Summons scroll.

* * *

Sarutobi looked like he was really feeling his years. It didn't help fighting Orochimaru and his predecessors. However this was one thing he didn't mind getting out of the hospital to do.

It was something that he had to do before the council tried to ruin things...again.

"Sai, Momochi Haku, Nara Hari, Nara Shikamaru, Uzumaki Naruto...congratulations. Because of your actions during the invasion and the reports from the exam, I am proud to announce that you have been promoted to Chunin. Wear these vests with pride."

Naruto took his new vest and grinned so brightly it was a miracle they weren't blinded.

Hari merely grinned evilly.

"Alright, what's with that grin?" demanded Haku.

"Oh nothing. Just that now even if the magicals do figure out where I am, the council can't really justify handing me over. Now that I'm a chunin, you guys are officially stuck with me," grinned Hari.

Sarutobi blanched and held back a curse. Hari was entirely correct. The council could have handed him over while he was a genin, but now that he was a chunin it would be almost impossible to get rid of him. Sometimes he hated his life.

"Just for that, you're going with Jiraiya and Naruto to find Tsunade. I am not dealing with this paperwork any longer than I have to dammit!" growled Sarutobi.

"Tsunade, as in the Slug Princess?"

"Yes."

"Count me in!" cackled Hari. He could always get her to play poker against him and Naruto. That should prove highly entertaining!


	15. Chapter 15

Hari blinked when he opened the hotel door. So far the trip had been dead boring while Naruto read the books on seals (with Hari keeping him from crashing into things). But now things looked to be picking up.

Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki were outside their door. Both of them wearing very tacky coats and looking just as surprised to see him as he was to see them.

"Uh...what's with the tacky cloaks? Are you trying to be mysterious or something?" he finally asked.

Itachi twitched.

"I mean seriously, they look ridiculous!" he continued.

"Where is Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Fox Boy? I sent him out on a ramen run. He'll be back in an hour. Why?"

"We have been sent to capture him," said Itachi bluntly.

"You want to capture...Naruto. Good luck with that. You're more likely to try and kill him within ten minutes."

"What makes you say that brat?"

"Because my minion has learned the ways of annoyance well. He will piss you off in ten minutes at least," said Hari sagely. Kisame and Itachi stared.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" asked Kisame.

"Nara Hari, the Ghost of Konoha. Also known as the Male version of Anko Mitarashi who annoys everyone and can't be killed," said Hari cheerfully.

"Can't be killed huh? Then why are you called Ghost?" asked Kisame.

"Because I'm already dead," said Hari with a grin.

Kisame looked at him in disbelief.

"But you're alive."

"Actually, I'm not. Technically anyway."

Kisame grinned.

"Well there is always one way to find out."

He drew his sword, and the second it touched Hari, the look on his face made his day. Samehada devoured all the chakra in the kid's body...and then the body popped like a balloon. There wasn't even a trace of the kid left.

"_Now why the hell did you destroy my clone for? Do you know how annoying it is just to make another like it?!"_ complained a voice.

Itachi's eyes widened greatly...as he stared at the incorporeal form of the kid Kisame just killed.

Apparently there was a reason why his BINGO book listing was _Ghost_ of Konoha.

"_Whatever. See you later...Akatsuki."_

And with that, Hari went invisible to find Naruto.

* * *

Jiraiya was a bit annoyed at how Hari informed him that there were currently two Akatsuki in the city. He simply went through the pervert and left a large mass of who-knows-what all over his clothes. Then there was the fact that he had to use Naruto's shadow clone just to get around like normal.

Though he still wanted to know _why_ Hari still had everything on him when he possessed the clone. He even had the scroll with his actually body still in his pocket.

Hari's reply was even more infuriating.

"I have no idea how it works, but I'm currently operating on the basis that it's magic, and therefore does."

Sadly the Toad Sage couldn't dispute this theory, as magic was inherently unpredictable at best.

This meant they had to vacate the area immediately before they found Naruto. So much for his plan to relax.

* * *

Itachi was annoyed. Ever since they destroyed that odd clone with Samehada, they had seen neither hide or hair of Naruto. And to make things even more frustrating, they were starting to hear rumors of someone fitting Jiraiya's description leaving town with a sixteen year old and a fourteen year old. One of which matched the description of the same kid who Kisame just killed...in a manner of speaking.

When they reported what happened, it was Kakuzu who berated them, not their leader Pein.

"_You idiots. Did you even THINK to check his BINGO book listing before you tried anything? He's well known as the Ghost of Konoha for a reason!" _snapped Kakuzu. The ancient miser was greedy to the bone and hated anything that cost him money.

"_We don't bother with the C listings,"_ said Itachi blandly.

"_HE ISN'T IN THE C LISTINGS! The Ghost of Konoha has recently been upgraded to an A ranked since the invasion! Haven't you looked at the newest Book?!"_

Itachi glared at him.

"_We haven't exactly had time to GET one since we were in a rush to find the Kyuubi jinchuriki, and our currently book only lists him as a C rank which we skimmed over!"_ said Itachi, losing his patience.

Kakuzu settled for a glaring contest before Pein finally said _"Enough. Itachi has a valid point, and that book only came out three days ago. The chances he would have gotten one while traveling are remote, since the area he was in before didn't even have a bounty office. Not everyone has the dates when they come out with new BINGO books on their calendars Kakuzu."_

The greedy relic growled, but dropped it. To be fair, Itachi and Kisame weren't the only ones who skimmed the C rankings. At best they only looked through them for some quick and easy cash. Hell, the only reason _he_ had noted the kid was the fact his bounty was unusually high for a C rank.

* * *

(Back in Konoha)

Sarutobi was really, really wishing Jiraiya and his group had found Tsunade already and conned her into the job right now. Why? It wasn't because of the evil demon that was paperwork.

Mages had come to Konoha in search of someone they thought dead. Any idiot would point them in the direction of the Nara clan if asked.

Fortunately for Shikaku, no one had the presence of mind to ask a shinobi if they had seen a teen fitting Hari's description around the area. And only licensed shinobi or bounty hunters were allowed to buy the BINGO books.

Albus Dumbledore was a headache and a half on his own.

"I don't care what you want, I am not handing over any of my shinobi just so you can continue to play god on your side of the world. We just came out of an invasion for Kami's sake!"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, and Sarutobi had half a mind to jam a senbon in the damn things.

Unknown to the old mage, Hari had made a point to create mage proof cells for the T and I division from some books his summons had lent him. Now there wasn't a chance a mage could escape through the usual methods to avoid non magical prison...unless they were as crafty as Naruto and developed a new way, which was very, very unlikely.

"As it stands, we have a great need for our missing friend."

"Pawn you mean. And for your information the only person who even remotely fits the description of a scarecrow with green eyes and black hair is currently on a mission, and they won't be back for quite some time. Even if that were the case, I'm not about to have one of my brightest and best chunins running around Europe to kill this Dark Lord of yours. They were quite clear on their opinion of mages."

"I was of the opinion that few of your people even knew what mages were," said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling even more. He silently cursed the hat, which obscured the Hokage's eyes.

What Dumbledore was unaware of was that his instructions to teach the missing Harry Legilmency had backfired on him spectacularly, because Hari had informed everyone Chunin and up to avoid eye contact with mages at all costs. It was rather easy to do, since all the shinobi had to do was act as if the mages were Uchiha about to cast a genjutsu on you, and they didn't have to be so careful about their aim either.

Hence the reason why the old Hokage was wearing his hat, even though he had been planning to just do paperwork today and he usually left it on the chair.

"Mages are in the Academy curriculum. After the last debacle with those Ministries of yours, we don't leave anything to chance. I particularly didn't like the way that _woman_ called us subhuman," Sarutobi growled.

Inwardly Dumbledore cursed Umbridge. The ministry had labeled shinobi subhuman because they used chakra instead of magic and didn't mind killing people.

"As far as I'm aware the Shinobi Continents are not part of most wizard's vacation plans."

"They may not be, but the chunin that fits the description had been in Europe once, and he had a rather bad run in with the Malfoy family and your precious Ministry. Ever since then his opinion of mages is rather poor, and any thought of going back is simply out of the question."

Hari had a few contingency excuses for the Hokage in case the wizards showed up while he was gone, and Sarutobi was glad he had thought ahead. Blaming the Malfoys and the Ministry was a perfect excuse, since the odds of running into both (or simply the second one) was very high. Plus both parties were known for being bigots and quite nasty, so no one would blame him for avoiding the area altogether.

And since Sarutobi was already avoiding eye contact with Dumbledore, he wouldn't know that the old man was feeding him a half truth with a bit of a spin.

Dumbledore eventually went back to the small hotel, completely ignoring the clear reconstruction going on around him. It was pretty obvious that no real military leader would let one of their chunin, who by all accounts were currently in very high demand and off on missions, go off gallivanting around the mage continents without a damn good reason. Even less so when they needed all hands on deck just to avoid their rivals attacking them when they needed to be allowed to recover.

After a month Dumbledore left, but the only other people who had come with him stayed behind and were actually helping out with the reconstruction.

Sirius and Remus were in no mood to return to Europe. Both were wanted by Death Eaters and the Ministry and frankly they were tired of being hunted like criminals. Besides that, Sirius had finally gotten a lead on something he had been investigating.

Dumbledore wasn't aware that Sirius had learned of the Nara clan, which was the last thing he found while searching for his missing godson. Shikaku had been rather surprised and suspicious when Sirius asked about someone used a silvery stag to deliver messages.

Once he learned the man had no intention of taking him away, he told him exactly where his godson was.

Sirius had finally found Hari, and there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to leave without at least seeing his godson alive and well.

* * *

Tsunade was more amused than anything when Hari started to flirt with her. It probably didn't hurt that he didn't give off the pervert vibe that Jiraiya did. The fact that he was flirting as shamelessly with her as he did with her apprentice was simply amusing.

It had the benefit of softening the blow that Sarutobi wanted her to take his position as the Fifth Hokage.

Hari also presented her with an interesting research idea.

He was a ghost, who by all means shouldn't be able to live. Yet his original body was essentially vacant and by all known methods was a shell. Yet it was still alive even without a soul to keep it going. According the Hari, he was in a state of a perpetual astral projection and possession, which was something similar to what the Yamanaka used in their family technique.

Yet the only thing that kept his body from being 'hijacked' (as Hari coined the term for the trick) was the fact that his body was in a stasis scroll and had been guarded almost religiously by the Owl summons since it showed up.

He was very reluctant to jump back in consider the state of his original body. It looked like a skinny scarecrow with multiple scars and injuries that never properly healed. Something that he was thankful never transferred to his ghost form and by extension his 'possession clones'.

Hari really shouldn't had bought that _Ghost Hunt_ show. It was what brought on the idea to possess a clone in the first place. No matter how fascinating the anime was. Though he fully blamed the episodes with the doll for giving him the idea to possess a clone.

(Episode four through six of _Ghost Hunt, _**The Doll House.**)

Unfortunately, according to the scan Tsunade did at the Hotel, he would have to possess his original body sooner than he would like, since by all the signs it was starting to die without a soul inside. From what he could tell it was similar to what would happen to a victim of a Dementor's Kiss.

Which was why Hari reluctantly debated on when to return to his own body. He already had an idea on what to do if his new features didn't pass on to his emaciated form. It looked like Sirius did when he first broke out of Azkaban for Kami's sake!

Though he was sure the Hokage wouldn't appreciate a pranking spree just so he wouldn't look like a living corpse.

* * *

Hari blinked when he ran into Orochimaru alone with Kabuto. The silver haired spy glared at him pretty impressively, considering. Too bad he was well inoculated against such glares.

"I take it this isn't a social visit?"

"Came to visit Tsunade in hopes that she could fix my arm," admitted Orochimaru.

"Lord..."

"Oh do shut up. The only reason I even brought you is because I needed to insure she didn't try anything."

"Let me guess...he's the best medic you have and the others are bloody fan boys?" asked Hari with a grimace.

"Pretty much."

Kabuto watched the two banter with something akin to disbelief.

"I thought you were Anko's student? Why aren't you trying to avenge her?"

"Avengers, by and large, are complete morons. Besides, she would kick my ass if I took him out before she had a chance to. Not to mention the fact he's less annoying than most villains I've come across."

Orochimaru actually grimaced as he said "Ranting?"

"Ranting. I don't know why, but every time someone who people claim is an evil psychotic super villain finally captures the hero, they always start ranting which gets old rather fast."

"There's a reason I'm a scientist before a heartless villain," said Orochimaru.

"If you ever need bait to capture some Death Eaters, let me know. Moldy Warts pretty much hates me and I know he'd send some flunkies to try and take me out. And frankly I could care less if you captured and turned them into lab rats for the most inhuman experiments you could ever create."

Orochimaru looked rather interested in such prospects...he didn't often have a chance to capture a mage and they tended to stick in their own communities. Going to Europe was simply too much of a hassle just to kidnap a few fools.

"That reminds me. How did you like the book I left you?"

"Interesting, though I had to have my Summons double check it for curses. Chakra based inspection has a lot of trouble picking up the more nasty ones."

"Completely understandable."

"Care for some tea?"

"Delighted, so long as my old teammates don't find out."

Out of the three of them, only Kabuto seemed to care about how surreal this all was. Hari was a Konoha nin who had outed him as a spy to the interrogation unit, yet here he was having tea with one of Konoha's worst traitors. He was even giving Orochimaru tips on where to find a stone that could keep most poisons from bothering him!

When they left, he finally asked Orochimaru why he didn't capture and use the boy for experiments.

"Why would I bother? He's a ghost who hates the same people I do. Besides, do you know how hard it is to find someone who's willing to complain about the same mages and doesn't try to kill or betray me at the first chance they get? Not to mention the fact I finally have someone to give the trash I keep taking from the corpses of the fools who insist on stealing my Summon Scroll."

Orochimaru never threw away what he took from the corpses. He just sealed them away and forgot about them until the next idiot showed up. He had about fifty wands alone.


	16. Chapter 16

Hari was completely neutral during the fight, which Orochimaru found rather refreshing to be honest. Kabuto, not so much. Much to the amusement of the wayward mage, Orochimaru managed to slip the scroll with all the trinkets he took of the corpses of wizards who insisted on stealing his Summon scroll. With instructions on how to open it attached to the outside.

It seemed Hari had come to an agreement with the Snake Sannin. He would act as a contact with Orochimaru so long as he didn't try to betray or kill him. It seemed he found the prospect of a mage who was willing to pop in just for a nice chat amusing.

In exchange Orochimaru wouldn't try to tempt him over and Hari didn't have to tell anyone where the Snake Sannin was at the moment. An agreement both could live with.

In the end, Tsunade agrees to be the Hokage (is a bit put out that Hari and Orochimaru had come to an agreement but isn't about to look a gift in disguise) and Hari goes home to find two of the few mages he was willing to deal with.

Even if Sirius was very surprised to learn his godson was now a ghost taking over a clone.

* * *

It was after one of his little chats with Orochimaru (who was beyond amused that Tsunade had figured out a way to benefit from his association with the little mage) that he ran into something he hadn't expected.

It was a relatively low B rank mission to the Mist, near one of their numerous lakes, and he was in his original body to boot. To the relief of more than one, the changes carried over to his original like it did the clones.

Which meant he no longer looked like a living corpse.

What he hadn't counted on was his odd luck reacting like Naruto's brand of luck. Halfway across the lake he was water walking on (it was surrounded by dense forest and it was easier to walk on the water instead of going around) he felt a disturbance under his feet.

His eyes widened as the Three Tailed Turtle appeared from the deep end of the lake he was on. It's eyes were crazed and Hari's only guess as to why it appeared was the fact that Kurama's chakra had irritated it.

(Even after he retook his body, the Kyuubi's chakra lingered. It didn't bother him a bit, though it amused the fox. As a result, he told the boy his actual name.)

Since the mission was supposed to be a solo one (a way to gauge how strong he was chakra/magic wise) there wasn't anyone to help him.

Which meant he had to play this right or he was screwed. Even he wasn't stupid enough to take on a bijuu solo.

So, he did the one thing he could think of.

He left his body on the shore under a strong shield charm...and jumped into the bijuu's mind. One of the perks of chatting with the Kyuubi, Hachibi, Nibi and Ichibi was that he was more or less immune to their chakra while in astral form.

He didn't expect the Sanbi to be less coherent than the Ichibi though.

Just a light touch to his mind nearly made him reel back in shock. All that the Sanbi could think of was pure rage. Even the Kyuubi wasn't this bad. So he gathered up his Gryffindor courage, and did something that most people would whack him upside the head out of stupidity for.

He yelled at the thing to shut the hell up.

The Sanbi paused in his mindless ranting to actually look at the one who dared to yell at him like that. It had almost been driven as insane as his brother Ichibi from the man who controlled his last host. Seeing the little mage who reeked of his brother Kyuubi, he snarled.

"_**Who dares to tell ME to shut up?"**_

Hari sighed with relief. Finally a coherent voice.

"Sorry, but it was the best way to get your attention without managing to piss you off more than you already were."

"_**What do you want Mage? And why do you reek of Kyuubi?"**_

"What I want is to know why you're here. I wasn't planning on running into you until you came out of the lake. And I talk to Kurama regularly," he replied.

"_**I am here because that damn Uchiha killed my last host, and the scent of my brother enraged me. Wait a minute. How do YOU know my brother's true name?"**_

"Like I said, we talk frequently. I also know the Hachibi, Nibi and Ichibi. Though Shukaku is still pissed I taught his host the song that never ends."

The Sanbi stared for a moment before cackling.

"_**How interesting. Well little Mage, I'll spare you for now..."**_

"Spare me? I'm already dead! Even if you destroyed my body over there I would just hijack a clone and come back more annoying than ever! My own team uses the fact that I can be killed repeatedly and not care as stress release!"

Both were aware that someone was bound to take notice that the Sanbi was back sooner rather than later. Which was the problem. Hari didn't mind talking to the Bijuu directly, and they rather liked him because he treated them as if they were regular thinking beings. He didn't want the Sanbi to be abused like he had been before.

Which begged the question. How could he help him without getting caught?

"_**This is most irritating. Someone will had noticed the chakra spike so close to the Mist, but I don't want to deal with them again. Not after that man controlled my last host."**_

"Why not Konoha then? No one would suspect you being there."

"_**Why should I trust you? For all I know you would just use me like so many others."**_

"For one thing, no one would suspect it. For another most people can't seem to gauge my magic accurately here, so if I start showing odd power spikes no one would be able to disprove it. I'm already known as a strong mage. And I don't have to inform the Hokage you're there at all."

"_**Oh? So you aren't a good little soldier."**_

Hari snorted.

"I regularly chat with one of Konoha's worst traitors, and Tsunade could care less if I act as a go between for Konoha and Orochimaru. I already know about the Akatsuki, and what better way to keep you safe from them than by joining forces?"

"_**I must admit, your proposal is intriguing. But what do I get out of this?"**_

"I like to hijack clones. As far as anyone knows, you're just a split off from one of my personalities walking around. The Yamanaka are still in shock that I have four distinct personalities controlling my actions, and they really don't want to try and invade my mind."

"_**Interesting. But what sort of seal will you use to keep me in your body?"**_

"Why do I have to seal you in me? Can't you just jump in anyway? You don't exactly _have_ a physical form to begin with, and common census is that bijuu are just manifestations of pure chakra."

The Sanbi looked at the body. It was true that it was already used to Kyuubi's taint, which was far stronger than his own. He could easily hide behind it.

He looked at Hari again.

"_**You have a deal mage. But if you try to betray me..."**_

"What would I have to gain from that? As far as Tsunade is concerned, I stopped to take in the sights."

* * *

By the time he returned to Konoha, the Sanbi had settled in quite nicely. It seemed his stint in the clone filled and often boosted by Kyuubi had made his spirit (and by extension his actual body) rather adapted to Bijuu chakra. Not a single person noticed the change, not even Tsunade.

The only one who did was Naruto, and that because Kurama informed him. Considering how people treated Naruto and Gaara because of what they carried, it was little wonder Naruto said nothing about the fact his older brother now had a bijuu running around inside of him.

After the debacle near Mist (in which Tsunade was glaring at him for not mentioning the run in with the Sanbi, who by all accounts vanished without a trace) Hari found himself on near constant B rank missions outside the village.

And he quickly learned a perk to associating with Orochimaru. Quite a few of the stronger missing nin heard through the grapevine that he chatted with Orochimaru, which made him a larger threat than most were willing to deal with. Apparently being on equal enough footing to even talk to the Sannin without being killed or used as an experiment labeled him as a genuine threat on par with Sasori of the Red Sand, Orochimaru, and any number of assorted S ranked ninja.

The fact he had yet to display any similar behavior or abilities didn't matter. It was only a matter of time before he showed his true ability, and they didn't want to be the ones who it was unleashed on.

As a result, many run-ins with the stronger shinobi often ended favorably...for Hari anyway.

* * *

Dumbledore wasn't pleased. Upon his return to Konoha (and he was still annoyed Sirius and Remus had abandoned the Order, cutting their ability to fight back by a quarter) he found that the new Hokage was just as difficult to convince as the previous. Only she was quite well aware of how dangerous mages were, since the chunin that Sarutobi had mentioned happened to be one of her best...and he was a mage.

Like Sarutobi, the second he was a confirmed mage, she hid her eyes behind the hat. Which meant mind reading was impossible. And he really didn't want to anger her too much after the demonstration of her strength when he walked in. They had replaced the desk quickly enough, but it was the fact she broke it with only one hand that worried him.

It seemed his luck was finally in, however, since the chunin in question happened to be on leave for a few days after a long string of missions.

"Bring Hari Nara here."

Dumbledore could only hope the boy didn't cover his eyes. He sincerely doubted these...shinobi...were immune to legilmency.

Hari only asked one question of the Cat ANBU who requested his presence.

"Is there a mage present in the Hokage's office?"

"Yes, and he doesn't seem to have a clue on how to dress normally. Even the dog and wolf weren't this bad."

Hari had a bad feeling.

"Does he happen to be an old man with a long beard and annoying twinkle in his eye?"

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess. I'll be there in a minute...I just got out of the shower."

Which was actually true, he hadn't expected to be called on right after he got out."

Hari put his hair up in what was considered the official way for the Nara males. It made his hair look like a pineapple, but he could live with that. He also put on his chunin vest, and a pair of mirrored sunglasses to hide his eyes. The scar had faded years ago and it never carried over to his ghost form, so it was gone as well.

Looking into his mirror, nothing suggested he was Harry Potter in the slightest. He had lost his wand years ago and his previous weight had been shattered when he retook his body. The only real issue was that his eyesight was still crappy, but that was fixed with some colored contacts. Now instead of green eyes he had a more sedate dark blue.

He went to the Hokage's office and was more than annoyed by the sight of Albus Dumbledore waiting for him.

Time to channel Shikamaru and Shikaku.

"You called?"

"This is..."

"Dumbledore Albus. I know of him. What is a mage doing here?" asked Hari. His accent was not British, but rather that of Naruto which was tinged with the area he lived in. If someone from Japan were to say, it was a bit akin to an Osaka accent.

Dumbledore frowned at the mirrored sunglasses, which made Legilmency almost impossible.

"Dumbledore, this is Nara Hari."

"Are you sure his name isn't Potter Harry?" he asked.

Tsunade resisted the urge to growl at the sharp tone. The sooner Albus saw it wasn't his missing pawn, the sooner he would leave and never return.

Time for a little misdirection.

Hari removed his sunglasses and let Dumbledore see his memories which he borrowed mostly from his time in Shikamaru. He no longer looked like a carbon copy of James Potter, and he carried quite a few of the Nara clan traits because of the clone he used until Kisame destroyed it. By the time Dumbledore left his mind, satisfied it wasn't the same boy, he was glaring at the man.

"That was beyond troublesome. Don't you know it's considered extremely rude to force yourself into other people's minds without asking? Even the Yamanaka clan knows better than to try that."

Tsunade glared at Dumbledore sharply. He had forced himself into Hari's mind just like that?

"I will make this clear, _Dumbledore_. If I EVER hear that you've forced your way into one of my soldier's minds like that again, I will castrate you barehanded without anything for the pain," she snarled.

Considering she was the best medic in Konoha and the Shinobi continents, this was a very real threat.

"I apologize. However this was the last area he was seen in and the boy bears a remarkable resemblance to Harry."

It was blatantly clear he didn't mean a word of that apology. And that more than anything angered Tsunade and the ANBU in the room.

It was clear Dumbledore believed himself above the law.

"Can I go now?"

"Wait outside the door," ordered Tsunade. At least now she knew why Hari had gotten along with Orochimaru. Apparently Dumbledore had a way of making his enemies ally against him.

This would not end well for Dumbledore. One way or another, his power over the mages would fall.

The only question was whether or not it was Hari or Voldemort who would do the pushing.


	17. Chapter 17

Once the old mage left, Hari walked back in. Tsunade sealed the room, and slowly let out the fury she was feeling.

"Now do you see why I'm able to chat with Orochimaru without wanting to kill him on sight?"

"It certainly clears up a bit. The only question is what to do with the old man. He is too manipulative to leave be, and it's clear he thinks himself above the laws in others place."

"Might I make a suggestion?"

Tsunade made a motion with her hand, and he continued.

"Let's give those who don't follow either side a place to stay until the whole war blows over, and then help them clean up the mess. By the time the war ends the winners will be too weakened to handle any resistance and we can clean out all the corruption that they've allowed to fester in their society. At the very least it will keep them from getting any ideas of trying to control shinobi again, and it will force them to come out of the shadows and grow up."

"And if the ones led by the pureblood supremacists win?" she asked.

Hari's smile was cold and it was clear his Slytherin side was in full force.

"Then we send those we capture to Orochimaru and let him play with them. The minute they find out there's someone stronger than Voldemort, they will crumble under their own fears. By the time word gets out they'll be helpless to the reform. I am not about to let the society where purebloods rule over everyone else continue without a fight. They have to learn that they aren't superior to everyone else. Otherwise they'll fall just as hard as the Uchiha clan. Unless you want an entire society of people with attitudes similar to the Hyuga clan to continue."

Tsunade weighed their options. With the arrival of Hari and his subsequent rebirth, it was pretty clear that neither side of the mages war would allow Konoha to stand on the outside. The only question was how to deal with that fact. Hari's idea seemed to be the most appealing.

And he wasn't exaggerating about the mages attitude to anyone not born a mage from a family several generations magical. They were like a bad combination of Hyuuga and Uchiha.

Something had to be done, and soon. But there wasn't a chance in hell they were going to interfere in a war they had no involvement in, especially since Hari had renounced the mages world altogether.

* * *

Remus was on a mission. One he never believed would be given to him.

He was to make rounds to all those known not to agree with either Dumbledore or Voldemort and encourage them to leave Europe. It didn't hurt that the neutral families refused to get involved.

His first target was the Longbottom family.

He quickly gave them the standard greeting and proved he wasn't a Death Eater, and when allowed inside told Augusta exactly why he was there.

"There is a safe zone for those who want out of this war. Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, which is in the middle of the Shinobi continents, is offering sanctuary to any wizards or witches who wish to leave this war until it blows over."

"This sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?" asked Augusta shrewdly.

"The catch is that you have to be neutral to both sides. They don't want anyone loyal to Dumbledore or the Dark Lord coming into their village. From what I heard Dumbledore really angered them by using legilmency on one of their people without so much as a by-your-leave. They fully intend to keep this war from repeating itself and plan to come back in once it's over to clean up the mess."

"How do they intend to do that?"

"By ending the pureblood stranglehold on our society. By the time they are finished those with creature inheritance, muggleborns and even dark creatures will be treated equally."

"And why would they even do that?"

"Because it was something Harry Potter suggested. The one Dumbledore used Legilmency on was none other than his former Gryffindor Golden boy. If you don't believe me I can show you the memories."

"Potter is alive?"

"And thriving now that he's out from under Dumbledore's manipulations. I didn't want to believe it was true, but after seeing how much better he was doing away from here I can't help but think Dumbledore is getting too old to lead our world."

"I will have to think about this. Do they want us to swear allegiance to them?"

"Not at all. All they want is to be left alone once they've helped us out...and to make a trade agreement. Apparently the appeal of our abilities and potions is too good to pass up. Particularly the ones that heal."

"Is there anyway to meet with their village leader?"

"I can arrange a port key for you."

A week after Remus left, Tsunade was surprised to see Madame Longbottom appear in her office via port key. Tsunade couldn't help but applaud the woman's caution and suspicion. Once assured that Konoha had no intention of taking over and was simply offering a place to hide until the whole thing blew over (and the offer to see if anything could be done for her son and daughter-in-law) pureblood magicals started to arrive.

Others, like the muggleborns, hid in America for the most part. When informed of the new side in the war, anyone who didn't follow Dumbledore blindly or agreed with Voldemort left Europe behind.

Neither side seemed aware of this fact.

* * *

Neville was beyond surprised when Hari came to see him once he was settled in. He had become an accomplished healer, never joining Dumbledore's side.

While he disagreed with Voldemort, he didn't trust Dumbledore at all. Harry had mentioned that the man didn't give his allies all the information they really needed, and Harry had trusted him when he found out Hermione and Ron had tricked him since fourth year.

When Hari had Naruto summon a toad, Neville was shocked...then overjoyed when he finally learned what happened to his beloved Trevor. Seeing him hug the toad that was easily over half his height made Hari grin.

"How much you want to bet I had a similar look on my face when I saw Hedwig was alive and well?"

"No bet. Sai could paint us a picture."

Hari laughed. Tomorrow Alice and Frank would be examined by Tsunade and one of the best Yamanaka who had experience with trauma and was well acquainted with torture victims.

That the person in question had inflicted said torture as head of the Interrogation unit at one point was just icing on the cake.

* * *

Inoichi activated his jutsu, and barely noted that Hari was right beside him. Since he was well acquainted with Neville and was a mage himself, the logical assumption was that he could help Inoichi figure out what was wrong with the two Longbottoms.

From what he understood, both had been in a catatonic state and barely able to handle day-to-day activities like using the bathroom and eating. Both had been tortured extensively without pause, and according to Hari the method used felt like thumbscrews in the mind.

Once in, he could see why they had yet to snap out of it.

The memories and associated thought patterns had all but been shredded to pieces from the pain. It was a miracle they could still recognize Augusta and Neville.

Hari winced at the damage.

"_I knew that it was bad, but I didn't expect this. Can they be healed?"_

"It will take some time, but it is possible. Some things may need to be relearned and a few memories lost, but there is a good chance they may recover. We'll need Tsunade-sama's assistance to prevent an aneurysm though."

"_Let's get out of here and inform the others. This is going to take a while to fix."_

* * *

"Well? What's the status?"

Inoichi cricked his neck, feeling it pop as he did so.

"Chances of recovery are marginally high, but there will still be some damage. We'll have to take it slowly so that the mind won't shred itself while we reattach everything. Whatever spell was used shredded associated memories and thought patterns. It's a miracle they can still function even slightly or recognize the grandmother and son."

"Some people can handle pure pain, some can't. As far as I'm aware, the Lestrange trio used the Crucio curse, which causes massive amounts of pain akin to a thumbscrew in your brain. No one is aware how long they were under it, but you can see the result," said Hari.

"Right. I will inform the Longbottoms about what we are going to try, but I want a medic that specializes in brain injuries on hand at all times until you come out. I don't want to lose a patient just because we aren't being careful. If you start to falter, take a break and continue on later. We'll keep them under a stasis seal to insure they don't wake up during the middle and panic."

"Yes Hokage-sama," said Inoichi.

Either they succeeded or they didn't. Either way the Longbottom family would finally have a hope that the two would recover...or they would be put out of their misery.

* * *

Alice and Frank Longbottom were placed in a specialized stasis seal made personally by Jiraiya. Once inside, they were essentially comatose until the seal was removed. Hari left his body just outside and Inoichi piggy-backed onto his astral form. It was an unusual sensation, but somehow it worked. Once inside, they went to work.

Hari helped to sort out the memories, using his keen eyesight to figure out what went where. Once he was done, Inoichi put them in the appropriate position and used a little chakra to keep them in place. It was something like putting together a jigsaw puzzle and trying not to smash the pieces together in the process. It was very slow going.

Some pieces fell together naturally, others slide into their original place if put in the incorrect position.

Frank's unconscious mind _knew_ what memories went where, he just needed help putting them into place. It seemed his subconscious figured out what was going on, because right after Hari placed the first year of his Hogwarts schooling together, a mental image of Frank at eleven years old appeared and helped him to sort out the memories. It didn't bother him one bit that Frank kept calling him James.

The work went faster with the help of Frank, because soon they were going through fifth year. Inoichi just barely kept up with the two mages.

Once the last memory went into place (which happened to be when the first 'crucio' was cast on him) the rest of the memories became too hazy to work with.

But that was alright, because by that time Frank was aware of what was going on, and was able to sort through it himself. Hari and Inoichi left him alone to sort out the missing years.

Hari and Inoichi drank greedily while they ate a large lunch. It was almost the size of the average Akimichi size one.

"So how did it go?" asked Tsunade.

"By the time we reached first year of Hogwarts, Frank's subconscious came to help out. Judging by how his mind reacted, he should be able to handle the strain. He didn't seem to mind the fact we had invaded his mind, since he recognized me as my father," Hari informed her.

"It seems your likeness to your father helped you more than we thought. Do you think she'll react the same way?"

"Most likely. Frank and Alice went to school the same time as my parents, and were familiar with James Potter. Both of them were Hufflepuffs, which was why he didn't seem to think I wasn't James since I know that my father was also a Gryffindor. A friendly presence seems to help out exponentially."

"When can you continue?"

"Just give us a chance to recover, and we'll be back to clean up the woman's mind in a few hours."

"Good."

Hari and Inoichi went back to work, this time on Alice after a brief nap and another large meal.

Like before, when they reached Alice's first year at Hogwarts, a younger version of herself appeared and believe that Hari was his father. Since he did nothing to dissuade her, the work went smoothly. In less time than it took to work on Frank, they were out and letting her finish what they had started.

Hari was a little surprised when after the hospital scene (which had Lily in the bed next to hers), Alice took a long look at him and called him by his actual name. She had come to the conclusion faster than Frank had. Trust a mum to notice it before a Father.

Neville was beyond nervous. Augusta was just praying that this unusual idea actually worked. Once Hari and Inoichi left to refuel, they waited another day before undoing the seal. Several medics who specialized in healing torture victims and brain injuries were on hand at the first sight of trouble. Tsunade wasn't going to lose them because they weren't taking precautions.

An hour after the seal was dropped, Frank woke up. Five minutes later so did Alice. When they saw Augusta waiting (they had Neville outside just in case, since Hari didn't want to dash his hopes for nothing) the first thing they asked was the date and where they were.

When they showed no sign of relapsing back into their previous state, they allowed Neville inside. To say it was a touching reunion was an understatement.

Hari was happy for his friend. Alice and Frank would be under watch for another month, just to make sure, but after that they would be cleared to leave the hospital. And they were told to come back at the first hint of anything wrong.

Neville gave him a very strong hug and a heartfelt thank you for bringing his parents back.

And if Hari walked out of there with a bit of a spring in his step...well, no one was going to comment on it, now would they?

* * *

Five months. That was how long it had been since several neutral families, muggleborns and even the hospitalized Longbottoms had gone missing. At first he had ignored it, planning his next move against Tom.

But now, now he wondered where they went. Rumors flew that Voldemort had learned the location of his missing pawn, but it was never confirmed because every Death Eater sent to find out the truth went missing and was never heard from again.

Port keys, Apparition, even brooms were useless. Something was happening, and for once he had no idea what it was.

Even the Order members he sent never returned. Snape always gave him the location. When it was his turn to retrieve the boy, something finally clued him in that something was up.

Snape was the only person to return from the attempt. His voice trembled as he began to describe what happened to the others.


	18. Chapter 18

_Snape apparated to the spot where Potter had been spotted. Beside him were ten others, including Lucius. They were the seventh group sent to find and kill Potter. Reliable reports from one of their spies sent to steal the snake summoning scroll from the one called Orochimaru had actually returned and spoken of the fact that Potter was alive...and near the same man who thwarted Voldemort's attempts at the scroll._

_When they landed, they didn't find Potter._

_What they found was a trap. Orochimaru was waiting with an amused boy who bore a very strong resemblance to Potter, except his eyes were wrong and his hair looked like a pineapple. Behind him was a massive snake, with it's head resting on the boy's shoulder._

_The snake appeared to be laughing at them._

"_**These mages are fools. Why do they continue to come here if they all end up dead? Don't they know any better?"**_

"_I blame inbreeding, to be honest. The more pure bloods we capture, the better off they'll be. Though I have a personal interest in the one who doesn't appear to have washed his hair recently and reeks of chemical fumes," said the boy._

_Everyone but Snape was captured, tied and stripped of everything but their skivvies. They weren't taking a single chance that they could escape from a hidden port key. Snape was bound, but he was left alone with the boy and the snake._

"_Now that we're alone, we can have a little chat. Depending on your answers you may be allowed to leave with your life and freedom."_

"_Who are you?"_

"_Hari Nara. If you want to blame someone for the fact I'm clearly unhinged, blame Dumbledore. He should have known the kind of pressure he subjected me to would break my psyche eventually."_

_Snape paled. Now that he looked closer, it was clear the resemblance to Potter wasn't a coincidence at all._

"_Why did you spare me?"_

_"Like I said, I wanted a chat. Don't bother worrying about the others...they'll be wishing for death soon enough."_

"_Why are you doing this?!"_

"_I hate Dumbledore, and Voldemort is too stupid to allow free. It still amuses me that someone who could pass as his cousin is so much more tolerable to be around compared to someone who tortures others like a spoiled child whenever things don't go his way. Helping him find new test subjects that have pissed me off in the past is just a bonus."_

"_What happened to you?"_

"_Long story short, I died. I found out that fact, learned how to use it to my advantage, and then discovered that by possessing clones I could move around like everyone else. Now I make a living killing others. Luckily for me, my familiar rescued my body so I can still live again. Now Severus, I have some questions for you."_

_Snape wisely answered everything Hari asked. If he hadn't, he would have died very painfully or worse, given to Orochimaru as a test subject._

_When he left the shinobi continents, he felt like he had narrowly survived a brush with death itself._

* * *

"_You are the only one of my minions to return. Care to explain why Severus?"_ _said Voldemort, petting his snake on the head._

"_My lord, I have only one thing to say about the mission you sent us on."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Even if you were to crucio me into insanity, kill me, or make me wish for death, I would not make a second attempt. I have encountered someone far worse than you."_

"_Explain Severus, and I may let you live."_

"_Potter...he is by far more cruel and dark than you will ever be. He sent everyone who went to capture them to their deaths, and he did it with a smile on his face. The only reason I was allowed to escape was because he allowed it."_

"_Impossible! Potter is dead!"_

"_Potter lives. The Veil separated his soul from his body, but he possessed another before he found it again. He still lives. I have no idea how he accomplished this, but I say to you now Harry Potter lives. And he is stronger than before. There is more."_

"_What?"_

"_He no longer sides with Dumbledore. If anything, the old man signed his death warrant when he refused to tell Potter the prophecy directly. Once Potter was aware that he was no longer under Dumbledore's control, he broke. His mind is so fractured that he no longer has a single personality controlling him. Potter is insane."_

_Voldemort laughed, cruelly._

_"So the Goat's precious Golden Child has broken. And has gone dark! How amusing indeed."_

"_He has also sided against you by joining forces with Orochimaru of the Shinobi continents. Every Death Eater you have sent to retrieve the scroll is either dead or worse. And from what I can tell, Potter has signed the scroll as well. He has lead every single one of the people you have sent to their deaths."_

"_I must congratulate the boy...before I kill him of course."_

_Snape left, realizing that Voldemort wasn't paying attention to him at all. He didn't realize that Potter was now far worse than anything he could ever be._

* * *

Once he was finished, Snape drank himself to sleep. When he woke up, he left the Order behind, went to the Goblins and had his Dark Mark removed permanently.

He refused to allow Voldemort and Dumbledore to lead him to his death. He had heard rumors that Konoha was offering sanctuary to those who wanted no part in the war...and he knew that Orochimaru was considered a traitor to the village, which meant Hari couldn't possibly be there. He was gone before Fawkes could retrieve him for Dumbledore.

When Snape reached Konoha, he received the shock of his life.

Hari Nara, the boy who sent Death Eaters to their doom, was walking around freely and no one seemed to care. He nearly had a heart attack right then and there.

It wasn't until he went to meet the Hokage that he learned why.

* * *

"I have multiple personality disorder, and Slytherin Hari gets along with Orochimaru best," shrugged Hari.

"Slytherin Hari?" asked Snape faintly.

"He's about as pleasant as a Jashinist, and he likes blades. His animal form happens to be a basilisk. He's a bit of a sadist. Of course Hufflepuff Hari does try to keep him in line, but generally it doesn't work unless Gryffindor and Ravenclaw gang up with him."

Snape blinked.

"You...have four distinct personalities and you named them after the houses?"

"Why not? Made it easier to group them anyway."

"And which one are we speaking to now?" asked Snape, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Gryffindor. He has the most experience dealing with the outside, so they generally let him handle the day-to-day affairs. Unless they are in a specific environment anyway."

"What sort of... On second thought, I don't want to know. My sanity is already in question..."

"Hari, as amusing as it is to see you make people snap, could you please restrict it to the Interrogation division. Hari...?"

"_**I'm Sorry, but the personality you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please wait to try again,"**_ said Hari suddenly.

Tsunade, the ANBU and Snape paused and looked at Hari.

"Uh...what?"

"_**I'm Sorry, but the personality you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please wait to try again,"**_ he repeated.

"Could someone please explain...?" asked Snape.

"I have no idea," admitted Tsunade.

The dial tone in his voice repeated again twice, before he blinked.

"Sorry, Gryffindor and Slytherin were playing poker and suddenly started arguing over whether Slytherin was cheating or not. Hufflepuff was in the kitchen making cupcakes and Ravenclaw was reading another scroll on seals. They wouldn't shut up until someone yelled at them to knock it off."

"Cupcakes?" said the Cat ANBU.

"Cupcakes. With rainbow sprinkles and colored pink with red food dye number four."

"That does it. Hari, you either pick a long term mission to return to normal or your on psyche leave for the next week. Either way, any paperwork is on you."

"What missions are available?"

Hari picked one that was a mission to Ame, and left within a few hours. When asked, Tsunade only said it was either that or deal with the paperwork he would incur while on leave. No one said anything after that.

* * *

Kakazu watched the bored Hari hunt down some random missing nin, and his mouth started to drool at the thought of the kid's bounty.

When his new partner Hidan went to sacrifice him to Jashin, two things happened.

One, Hari's personality did a one eighty, and Two, Kakazu found a new source of nightmares.

Why? Because Slytherin Hari and Hidan ended up bonding on pain, scythes and sacrifices people who annoyed them. Hari even listened to the pale skinned priest talk about Jashin, and nodded in all the right places.

It wasn't until the two started to debate the best ways to torture people that Hidan noticed his partner leaving them alone.

"Where the fuck are you going you greedy miser?" asked Hidan.

"To get drunk. Very, very drunk."

"Oh. Have fun then!" said Hari insanely.

The two went off to find sacrifices for Jashin, and ended up sending ten Death Eaters (how they got there, Hari didn't know, but he enjoyed the screaming) to the insane god. Hidan absolutely loved the kid, and even helped him get his own pendant which for some reason looked like the symbol for the Deathly Hallows.

* * *

"I don't want to know, and any report you're about to give is liable to make me want to drink," said Tsunade when she saw the pendant.

"Um...probably."

"Just file the report, and I'll pretend to have read it. Deal?"

"Yes ma'am. Before I forget, if you actually do read it this will help."

"What is it?"

"The strongest sake legally available."

"For that you don't get gate duty. Now get lost."

Hari ran.

* * *

"Hari-nii, why are you coming with us?" asked Naruto.

"It was either go with you or wait until another mission opens up that will make me leave the village for over a month. Tsunade really doesn't like filling out the paperwork for my missions. She prefers other villages dealing with the headache that is me," said Hari smugly.

"So why the hell were we stuck with your annoying self?" demanded Sasuke.

"Because Naruto is about one of the few people who can handle my insanity, and because my own teammates were starting to come up with some very creative, if disturbing, ways to kill me in the messiest way possible. Besides, it was either you or Gai, and I for one don't want to be anywhere near him and Lee at the moment."

"And where's Kakashi?" asked Chouji.

"Did I forget to mention that I'm the one in charge of this mission...?"

Sasuke glared at him.

"I hate you right now. I hope you realize this."

"Oh blow it out your ass sparky. No one cares what you think. Not even Naruto."

Sasuke looked at his teammate.

"Dude, I'm on his side. What do you think?"

He looked at Chouji.

"Don't look at me. I've long since been trained to listen to the crazy one by Ino. Besides, his cooking owns my soul," said Chouji.

"This sucks."

"Look at the bright side to being around me."

"There's a bright side?"

"All the insane ninja are generally stronger than the sane ones."

Sasuke brightened...then his face fell.

"But I still have to listen to someone who's barely sane enough to qualify for the shinobi ranks."

"Life is a bitch. Deal with it," said Hari.

"I know that already. My question is why the hell are you able to kill someone so easily when you're the same age as we are!" complained Sasuke.

"You mean the ability to produce enough KI to make grown men piss themselves? That's easy."

All three boys looked at him expectantly.

"You know that talk civilian children get about how people's lives are actually worth something and shouldn't be snuffed out just because they annoyed you? I never got that talk. I was treated worse than a slave until I was eleven, and then I was being trained to become martyr before I turned twenty. Once I was free my psyche snapped, and with it my inhibitions about killing people. Add to the fact that the village I live in doesn't even bat an eye to that sort of behavior, but instead directs it to others, and you have one psychotic ninja who doesn't worry about the afterlife."

"Am I the only one worried he'll one day snap and kill us in our sleep?" asked Sasuke.

The other two nodded.

"Sasuke, what you have to realize is that I've already snapped. The question is, are you willing to piss me off enough that I actually consider you my next victim?"

Sasuke paled, then shook his head rapidly.

If there is one thing no sane or relatively sane person wants to do, it's piss off someone as unhinged as Hari enough that he actually considers turning you into his next victim. That's just _asking_ to be humiliated.

Something Danzo will learn very shortly when he tries to reclaim Sai.

One week later they were back in the village, and Sasuke looked like he had seen a ghost...so to speak. He would not speak of the mission again unless it was in therapy, but when he did, the poor doctor ran out screaming about hearing things no mortal man was meant to hear.

Hari would consider it a very productive week indeed.


	19. Omake: Sai's Birthday

There is something to be said about sanity. Some people go to great lengths in order to keep what little they have of it.

(CoughTsunadeandSnapeCough)

Some go to absurd lengths to avoid it.

And some...some just point and laugh at those who claim to be sane.

(_**ME! *cackle***_)

If one were to ask any shinobi about whether or not Hari Nara was sane, they would laugh and look at you like you had lost your marbles.

It was for this reason Tsunade had finally had enough and quite literally punted Hari into the Interrogation division and told him that if he attempted to take any missions near Konoha for the next year she would kill him barehanded. Anko couldn't have been happier with her new apprentice.

Traitors in the Land of Fire shivered in unison, feeling as if all hell were about to break loose on their heads. In a span of a month, the Hunter nin suddenly found any nuke nin over C rank missing from the area.

During this time, Naruto and his team went to the Land of Snow and came back with a few new toys for the research division. Hari was still cackling over his autograph from Princess Kazehana and the books Naruto had gotten him.

(The personality Naruto had talked to before leaving was Ravenclaw Hari, as Slytherin Hari had Gryffindor in a headlock while Hufflepuff attempted to get them to stop. Hence the books.)

Which lead to an...interesting...predicament for the village.

"I'm bored," declared Hari.

Anko looked at him. What no one knew was that sometimes her favorite apprentice scared her. And few lines terrified her more than hearing said apprentice declare boredom.

Bad things happened when Hari was bored. _BAAAAAD _things. Slytherin Hari was considered the evil, psychotic one. Bored Hari, on the other hand...was considered a devil worse than anything the Kyuubi could do and was to be avoided at all costs. It said a great deal that whenever Hari gave into boredom, Tsunade usually won big at gambling and thus elected Homura and Koharu to be the paperwork tamers for the next week and a half while she went into hiding.

It was also to be noted that after such incidents (which were thankfully rare because Tsunade generally gave Hari interesting missions far from Konoha whenever he started to even LOOK bored) people tended to be openly nice to Naruto in hopes that Hari wouldn't target them.

People still spoke of the peanut incident.

"How bored are you?" asked Anko, almost nervously.

"Bored enough to take a port key and make Europe into a living hell."

Anko let loose a breath she had been holding.

"Kid, I will help you find someone to give you that thing, and you had damn well better bring back pictures."

"I have a better idea. Let's petition Tsunade for a vacation and not mention the destination."

(In the Hokage's office)

Tsunade's sake class cracked and spilled what was left of her drink. She looked at the paper and paled. She had won the jackpot.

"FUCK!"

(Back with Anko and Hari)

"TO THE HOKAGE'S OFFICE!" the two said in complete unison.

* * *

"Let me get this straight. You two want a vacation to an undisclosed location for an unspecified amount of time. Am I right?"

"Yes Hokage-sama," said Anko.

"Am I to assume Hari is bored again?"

"Bored beyond belief!" said Hari cheerfully.

"_APPROVED! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE VILLAGE!_ I don't want to see either of you until that unholy demon of chaos is out of my sight or at least calmed down!" roared Tsunade.

There is something to say that a bored Hari terrified even Tsunade.

But I don't know what it would be.

"Can we take Naruto with us?"

"Take whoever you want! Just get away from me and from the village!" said Tsunade fervently.

Bored Hari away from the village for an undisclosed amount of time? Who do you want to sacrifice to Jashin and when?

* * *

"How did you convince Tsunade to agree to this?" asked Sai.

"Apparently certain signs tell Tsunade that I am bored and she really hates dealing with the paperwork from the aftermath. And after the second time she caught me and tried to make me fill it out, she learned never to do so again as paperwork only bores me even more and makes the resulting pile quadruple in size."

"Uh...what?"

"Tsunade's unleashing a Bored Hari on someone else, even though we never told her _where_ we're going. She's allowing it only so she doesn't have to deal with a bored Hari Nara," translated Naruto.

"Ah. And how did you manage to snag two extra chunins and Anko?"

"I need accomplices for my madness, and she wasn't brave enough to ask questions as to why I would need you," said Hari.

Already his boredom was abating. Ah, the miracle of Chaos. Now he just needed Famine to help him find Pestilence and War.

Gaara, to his permanent amusement, had been labeled as Death by Naruto and Hari. Sarutobi nearly had a heart attack when he found that out.

Hari had only found one person who fit the criteria, however that brief and rather irritating meeting wasn't good enough to make the persona minion.

On the way to a random village, they ended up running into Deidara and Sasori.

Sasori ended up leaving five minutes later when for some reason Hari clicked with his young partner and started talking about bombs.

Long story short, Deidara ended up going on vacation with Hari and co since Hari didn't give a shit whether or not he blew up England at this point.

Kakuzu allowed it, so long as Deidara got his destructive tendencies out where he didn't have to pay for it, which was what Hari told him to say.

* * *

Anarchy in the UK. That was all that could be seen. A bored Hari was dangerous and feared for one reason and one reason only.

Bored Hari let his Marauder side out at full blast, and thus pranked people far worse than anything Naruto would ever come up with. And considering the fact that the Twins downright worshiped the Marauders and he was Naruto's official pranking idol...

Yeah, all hell broke loose.

Explosions, paint bombs of all sorts, and copies of the Fire Daimyo's Wife's cat Tora were all set loose on Europe in the span of less than a week.

Of those affected, only a few were left unscathed and two of those were the suppliers of most of the magical firework Deidara and Naruto had fun setting off on Death Eater hideouts.

It took said Death Eaters a week to figure out that if you heard the scream of a firework at close range to take cover.

Still didn't save them from Deidara's clay creations though.

He was highly surprised when that pair of twins practically adopted both blonds. When they found out his specialty, the rest of the Akatsuki all had a collective shiver go down their backs.

An unholy alliance had just been formed, and they could do nothing to stop it. To make matters worse, Deidara was still gone and Sasori honestly didn't care to find him.

He would come back on his own if only to get his paycheck for the month.

* * *

Sai watched the carnage and barely hid a wince.

"Why exploding cows?"

"'Do not ask why the exploding cow, ask instead, Why Not?' Besides, it was either cows or I try to imitate _Robot Chicken_ and that's just asking for trouble with lawyers."

"Okay, but why are we in Europe? Wouldn't Iwa be easier?"

"I have ulterior motives, I'll admit."

Sai looked at him.

"Tell me, what is the date of today?"

Sai mentally went over his calendar and blinked.

"Oh. You have got to be kidding me."

"Happy Birthday Sai!" said Hari cheerfully.

Sai pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You did all this...for my birthday?"

"Oh-ho, not just your birthday Sai. Your birthday _party_. Ain't it a blast?"

Sai looked around him at the chaos. And then admitted to himself that it was fun and a hell of a lot more interesting than what he expected from the insane member of his team. Not to mention the fact it was the first party he had ever had thrown for him. Even his brother Shin hadn't done something this bizarre.

"So why are we in France?"

Hari grinned.

"Oi, Deidara, you ready to go to the Louvre yet?"

***BOOOOM!***

"You bet!"

Hari had a long talk with Deidara to convince him to go to the world's best art museum. The blond had been unconvinced until he heard the passionate speech Hari gave about different arts...and the way he spoke of Sasori's art only convinced him it was worth his time.

_Flashback_

"Art isn't just fleeting. It's a moment in time that can never be captured twice! It's an explosion of color and emotion that no one can recreate faithfully!"

"Art is a blast, Un!" Deidara nodded.

"The place I plan to take you guys has the largest collection of art created by people who's lives were so fleeting that it wasn't appreciated at the time for what it was. One went insane after creating a small fragment of what he could have created and died! Another cut off his own ear! The explosion of colors and creativity they had at the time should be savored properly, and not destroyed!" said Hari.

"Fine, I leave this art museum alone. But you'll have to convince me it's true art, Un!"

"Fair enough!" said Hari with a grin.

It spooked people how well he got along with Deidara. Hari was seriously considering calling him War, and making him one of his personal minions of Doom.

_Flashback end_

* * *

Sai was suitably impressed. And not just by the art exhibits. (Hari was giving him copies of everything for his new apartment.)

It wasn't because the sheer creativity it took people to make these pieces was enough to do the impossible...even if this was achieved by giving Naruto new ideas on how to decorate the Hokage mountain...for the fifth time that month. It was because the art itself managed to make Anko, Naruto _and_ Hari act like sane people for longer than five seconds at a time.

They were actually being quiet, friendly and not acting like a squirrel on crack.

It was a miracle.

When they left, it was business as usual, but Sai would forever remember the only thing that would calm down the hyper, insane and absolutely bat-shit crazy people he dealt with frequently on a daily basis.

Needless to say their team ended up crashing at Sai's place more often than not, since it had become a place of zen for Hari. Anything that could calm _him_ down had to be powerful.

* * *

Tsunade didn't ask for a report. She just punted the two crazy ones to the Interrogation division, which had developed a backlog because the Hunter nin had been working overtime catching people while the crazy people were gone.

How the missing nin knew they had left the country, no one knew. Tsunade speculated it was because Orochimaru let be known. Either that or Kakuzu mentioned it at the bounty office.

When Sai mentioned the effect the art pieces had on Hari, she immediately ordered several of the best (copies, not the actual paintings) to be plastered in her office and a few hospital rooms.

The result? Crazy ninja calming down in the office long enough to give reports and not headaches or migraines. And the people on sick leave finally had something to look at instead of hospital white.

In unrelated news, Voldemort was left in tears as almost all of his forces had to undergo some form of therapy to get over their fear of fireworks, and Dumbledore learned once and for all that Harry was in fact alive...and that he didn't give two shits about the war anymore.

He had pranked everyone indiscriminately. The Ministry had a warrant out for his arrest...and not just England. Almost every magical Ministry had one out...except for France. Aside from a few minor pranks, they were pretty much left alone.

Why, they had no idea, but when they asked all they said was that their art museum calmed the crazy ones down long enough to do paperwork without pranking others. Nothing more was said on the matter.

* * *

"So the pervert is going to take you on a training trip? I'm going to have a word with him before you go."

"Make him better than Kakashi and you can do whatever the hell you want with him," said Naruto immediately.

"You know me too well Famine. Coincidentally I have a candidate for Pestilence."

"Who?"

"Itachi."

"The Uchiha!? Why?!"

"Pestilence is another name for disease. And according to War, Itachi coughs up blood for no apparent reason whenever people aren't looking. Kisame mentioned it to Deidara, since he was one of the few that gets along with Sharky."

"But the Uchiha are total pricks! Just look at Sasuke!"

"Yes, but Kyuubi said that out of them all, only Itachi has ever earned his respect. Plus according to Deidara, Itachi occasionally pranks his partner when he does the cooking for the base."

"Hmm...possibilities. We will have to make him do a test first you understand," said Naruto.

"Indeed Famine. If all else fails we can enlist the Gemini as a stand in."

"The Gemini are AWESOME."

"Agreed. Too bad Tsunade banned them from the village unless they had no where else to go," said Hari sadly. He liked the twins.

"So any word about that odd letter Kumo sent to Granny?"

"All I know is that Shikaku was giving me odd looks after he read the missive. If I didn't know any better I would swear it was a mixture of pity and horror."

"Pity?"

"Tsunade said she wasn't going to tell me as payback for the hell I've caused. Knowing my luck it's a marriage contract."

"Better you than me!"

"This coming from the kid who's probably going to end up with either a harem or the Hyuuga as in-laws?"

"What?"

"I said nothing!" cackled Hari as he booked.

"COME BACK HERE!"

* * *

Jiraiya left with Naruto...and found out the hard way Hari was an excellent proofreader completely unaffected by the sheer perversion that was _Icha Icha_. It really didn't help that Hari read Sci Fi Hentai more than he did Jiraiya's work.

Or that he was currently attempting to get Kakashi to join the Sci Fi side and abandon _Icha Icha._

It would be two years before they saw Naruto again. Naruto occasionally kept in contact with the Leaf by mailing Deidara with prank ideas, who passed it on to Itachi. How this worked, no one knew, but Tsunade still cursed the fact Naruto was helping his surrogate older brother prank people without actually being in the same village.


	20. Chapter 20

"I'M _WHAT?!_"

The shout was heard all through the village. Normally people would look for the cause, but everyone knew that voice through experience. Hari was just given some surprising news by the Hokage.

The fact none of the ANBU went to see what spoke volumes about how they felt about the matter.

"Kumo has sent one of their jounin here as a way to create ties between our villages. According to your own reports you have had contact with this...Yugito Nii...from your first trip to their village," said Tsunade with a particularly evil smile.

"Any reason why they sent her _here_ and not one of the others?"

"Simple. For some reason the Kumo council doesn't like her and sending her was more appealing than letting her go on missions with piss poor back up with the Akatsuki running around."

"And what the hell does this have to do with me?!"

"The Raikage has suggested a marriage contract between the Nara and Kumo. Yugito is one of their best and most loyal. Naturally I thought of you, since you're one of our best."

"FUCK. There's nothing I can do to get out of this?"

"Not unless you want to start doing paperwork for the next year and a half for me."

"Where is she again?"

"Speaking to the woman who took the fact you were possessing her son well enough to adopt you."

"You mean Yoshino?"

"I'd hurry if I were you. She's had time to help plan the wedding with the wife of the Akimichi clan head."

"EEP!"

Hari booked.

* * *

Yugito was actually enjoying herself. She had met Hari a few times during the resupply run for those special tags he made that kept Bee from rapping for months on end. He always flirted with her and was a gentlemen, never straying to her bust or looking anywhere but her eyes while they talked.

Plus he always treated her and her bijuu like they were intelligent, rational beings and not a demon and it's container. It was so rare to find someone who would do that when informed of the demon.

The fact she was a few years older than him didn't factor into this at all. In the shinobi world, age only mattered when a few decades separated the two, and even then so long as the people were compatible it still didn't matter much.

So when the Kumo council wanted her to take a mission with substandard back up, again, she had such a bad feeling about it that she asked the Raikage for another option.

Since he had just gotten another report from his spy in Konoha about Hari Nara, the infamous insane Ghost, he decided to kill two birds with one stone.

Yugito liked Hari well enough, and he didn't want the kid to one day end up in his village while bored out of his mind. So he sent a suggestion to Tsunade, who had been looking for ways to make Hari's life miserable.

A marriage agreement with a Kumo jounin and her newest jounin in exchange for never sending him their way was more than she expected, but she wasn't going to pass it up.

So Yugito went to Konoha, pissed off the council who had been bribed by Kakuzu to send the Nibi container with substandard back up to a specific location, and went to met the one person who treated her like an actual human being without being forced and wasn't a blatant pervert.

She did NOT expect to be taken in by Yoshino and Machiko and put under what was the most bizarre interrogation of her life.

The wives of the Nara and Akimichi clan heads were not pushovers and they had practically adopted Hari when they were told of what his childhood had been like. The same went for Inoichi's wife, but she was currently pregnant with what Tsunade had said would be a boy.

It amused a great many that the wives of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio had all but adopted the misplaced mage. And the fact that Hari let them.

Why? Because as much as they mothered him (no where near as bad as Mrs. Weasley thankfully!) they also pushed him to be stronger and do better. And they never acted like he was made of glass, which he hated more than anything.

Too bad the minute Shikaku brought up the news about the Raikage's idea of marrying Yugito to Hari Yoshino jumped on it like Naruto on all-you-can-eat free ramen.

Ever since the Chunin exams, Shikamaru had expressed an interest in the former Kazekage's daughter. She had despaired actually marrying Hari off until this point.

The fact said girl had a bijuu inside her didn't matter to her. Or the fact that said boy's godfather decided to help conspire with them provided they help him hook his werewolf friend up with a nice lady who liked dogs. Yoshino had been teaming up with Machiko to fatten up Naruto without resorting to ramen. They learned one very simple trick to doing so.

Add noodles and he'll eat anything you put in front of him, even if it has vegetables. As such Naruto was at a respectable body weight and not suffering from malnutrition anymore.

Hari took one look at the scene before him and went running for the Forest of Death screaming about the apocalypse.

Considering the fact he was doing the screaming, several people flew the village for the next week.

Anko later dragged him back cackling evilly about payback.

* * *

"Just to be clear, this wasn't my first choice in alternate missions," said Yugito.

"I know, but at least you're someone I can tolerate on a daily basis. Word to the wise, if people start asking you to rein me in whenever I get bored, I'd start running someplace under heavy seals instead. Otherwise I'll turn you into an accomplice to my evil mind."

"You can't be that bad."

"Tsunade, the Legendary Sucker, _wins_ BIG every time I get bored enough to do something about it. Last time she kicked me out with my choice of accomplices until I got the urge out."

Yugito blinked. Tsunade had this weird quirk of winning large sums whenever something phenomenally bad was about to happen. So for her to win whenever he grew bored...

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad are you?"

"Worse than the Kyuubi on a rampage bad, so about 13."

"And you're still allowed to remain a ninja? And allowed to walk around freely?" she said incredulous.

"Let me put it this way. Which would be scarier for an enemy nation...unleashing a jinchuriki stocked up with high powered jutsu and actual skill, or unleash something that can cause psychological trauma that will last for years and can't be spoken of except in whispers?"

"I would say the jinchuriki."

"Now imagine that force occasionally gets S class nin to join in his terror filled rampage, Nin who regularly use explosives and who will leave scars that never fully heal. And he goes by the nickname of the Five Horsemen of Apocalypse."

"That's you?! Do you have any idea how often nin over B rank speak of your exploits in hushed whispers?!"

"We had a backlog when I took my team to Europe for one of their birthdays. Apparently they thought it _safe_ to come out of hiding," said Hari cackling.

"And they expect me to keep YOU entertained and away from the pranking supplies?" she said in disbelief.

"At least I'm not like Bee. I have an outlet for my darker tendencies and generally make the prisoners lives miserable. If they can handle Anko, they can handle ME."

"True. But what's with the weird rumor that you have four distinct personalities?"

"Five. Four are me and the fifth is someone who didn't want to deal with idiots anymore. He says that listening to my different personalities is the most entertainment he's had since his brothers tag teamed a certain monkey about his personal hygiene."

(Elsewhere in the Land of Earth)

Roshi sneezed heartily three times. It was something he had gotten from the monkey inside him. Someone was either talking about him...or the shit thrower he had inside him. Considering the swearing he was hearing from said monkey, he was betting it was the bijuu.

(Back in Konoha)

"Who are you talking about?"

"A very amused turtle who has one more than the kitty does."

Nibi heard that comment, and reared up in Yugito's mind.

"_**THE SANBI IS IN YOU?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!?"**_

**Hello Sis.**

Yugito winced at the volume.

"When did you..."

"I merely offered him a place to hide to prevent a repeat of what happened to his previous host. A perk to having four distinct personalities is that placing a genjutsu on me is damn near impossible. Whenever something looks off, one of the others take over and break it."

"Does the Hokage know?"

"She's long since given up reading my reports, as have the council and anyone else, if they happen to mention something strange. According to the shinobi council and Shikaku, there isn't enough sake in the Shinobi lands to get through even ONE of my more interesting reports. Naturally this means that they can honestly claim to have no knowledge of the fact should Kiri actually figure out where he went."

The Sanbi cackled, telling his 'younger' sibling exactly what Hari meant, and Yugito paled.

"And they expect me to keep you under control?"

"Look at it this way. You can pin the blame on any weird situations on me, and I hear from my old team that killing me while I'm in clones is _very_ good stress release."

"And suddenly I'm starting to reconsider the idea of this alternate mission."

"Look at it this way. You're one of the few people I actually respect."

"And?"

Hari rubbed his head rather embarrassed, "Well in general, those who I respect I will actually listen to. Even my Slytherin side, which is the one who acts like a Jashinist and uses a scythe by the way, will listen to people we respect. So you might have more control than you think."

"What about your sensei? I thought she would have some control over you?"

"You're kidding me right? She's usually ENCOURAGING me to do even worse!"

"You promise not to force me into any of your outlandish schemes and actually listen to me?"

"To a point, yes. You've been a jounin longer than I have, and you know more about the shinobi continents. And despite what other say about me, I do listen to other people's opinions."

Another, more painful thought occurred to her.

"I'm going to be stuck with the paperwork from our joint missions since I'm going to be your new partner aren't I?"

"Want to learn a trick even Tsunade has yet to come up with?"

"What?"

"I know how to kill paperwork...without actually doing it."

(Elsewhere in Konoha)

Tsunade felt a disturbance in the Force. Someone had just spoken the magic words to her private hell...and she wasn't there to hear it. She must find this person and make them give her the secret to this damn paperwork so she could get drunk without Shizune confiscated her sake again...for the third time today...

(Back with Hari and Yugito)

_Why did I just get a shiver down my spine like I'm in for a world of hurt soon?_

_**Because chances are Tsunade sensed you saying the magic words... Paperwork without actually doing it.**_

_Damn!_

"TELL ME!" Yugito was shaking him now. She hated doing paperwork, since she usually ended up having to do Bee's as well as her own.

"Two words. Shadow Clones. And considering how many jinchuriki can make because of their bijuu..."

Yugito face palmed. It was so damn obvious that most people would never think of it.

"For that you get to keep your manhood the next time you do something phenomenally idiotic in my presence. Thank Kami you aren't a pervert as well..."

"I am, I just don't parade it like Kakashi does. There's a reason why _Icha Icha_ has suddenly stopped sucking so much."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad are you and don't even think of lying to me."

"About a 7. It would be higher, according to Anko, but since I actually treat women with respect and have a healthy fear for them enough not to even consider looking through the holes Jiraiya leaves in the hot spring wall for the guys she gave me a 7. Kakashi, by the way, barely ranks an 8."

"Good to know. What about the Third Hokage?"

"Ten. _He's_ the one who trained Jiraiya after all. And he has the complete Platinum editions of the _Icha Icha _series signed by the author himself, free of charge."

* * *

The news that Hari was being married off to a Kumo nin was meet with mixed reactions. On one hand were the civilians, who hoped this woman would get him under control or at least curb most of his impulses.

On the other were the shinobi, who were trying to look underneath the sudden news that he was getting married. Most saw it for what it was, a political move and a request from the Raikage not to let Hari anywhere near their village when bored. Considering his reputation as being crazier than Anko when drunk and twice as insane, sacrificing a skilled jounin to Konoha was a small price to pay. Others looked deeper and learned that the two had previously meet on his initial trip to Kumo (the one where he first got the portable Owl Summon scroll) and had hit it off. They could only pray that she calmed him down enough that his mission reports could be read again without copious amounts of sake after each paragraph.

Even _Anko_ wasn't that bad.

The fact she was a jinchuriki of a lesser demon than Kyuubi, however, had yet to reach them. Considering how they originally treated Naruto before Hari made it clear the boy was under his protection...it was very unlikely the council would get wind of it anytime soon.

And it was going to be a cold day in hell before someone actually read the report where he mentions the fact he accidentally became the container for the Sanbi, _without_ a single seal to hold said demon back. Having an absurdly large magical core (for Magical England, where inbreeding is a common issue) has it's perks. No one thought twice about his bizarre high chakra reserves.

It was a common fact that mages, by and large have a genin size chakra core by the time they turn 15. The only thing keeping them from expanding this core is the fact that most are just plain lazy and prefer to use their magic instead of actually exercising.

Hari is a rare exception to this, as he is well used to running from his cousin and kept up the hobby of parkour and free running at Hogwarts. That, combined with his larger than normal magical core (he had slowly been absorbing Voldemort's magic while his soul was attached, which was why he could still snake speak) gave him at least a low to mid chunin's level of chakra without training. With training...well, he was roughly on Kakashi's level before being put through his paces by two of the now infamous Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

With the addition of the Sanbi, he was roughly at the same level as Gaara once he became the Kazekage. He would be on Jiraiya's level if he ever bothered to borrow from the bijuu, but had yet to actually find an opponent willing to anger him to that point.


	21. Chapter 21

When they first showed up at the gate, Tsunade swore so impressively that the ANBU hiding in the rafters coughed to cover their laughter.

Fortunately for her, she had someone who could deal with the idiots who had just showed up. Hari showed up five minutes before the English Minister and his contingent were to arrive. Beside him was his new wife/partner Yugito. For the most part, the container of the Two Tails had done what no one else had been able to...which was calm down Hari and end some of his boredom. According to the amused mage, she made a very good sparring partner.

* * *

Rufus Scrimgour was the new Minister for Magic, and his first thought was to find out why so many old and powerful pureblood families had left England. Fudge had died rather soon after he was kicked out of office. Beside him was the toad like under secretary Umbridge, one of his best Aurors and the head of the DMLE and to top it all off, Arthur Weasley, who was the unofficial expert on all things muggle.

They didn't know that four of Arthur's children had relocated to the shinobi continents, or that Charlie had moved to Kumo, Bill to Suna and the twins to Konoha.

Bill was a rather big hit with the tomb raiders in Suna, and had already made a name for himself while his new wife Fluer helped out the kunoichi act like proper ladies. They were expecting their first child within a few months.

Hari waited for the Minister to make the first move, and when Umbridge was about to insult Tsunade to her face, he threw a kunai at the bitch.

"Long time no see...and I was really enjoying my peace and quiet without hearing that annoying as hell cough of yours," said Hari, appearing behind Tsunade.

"Could someone explain what's going on here?" asked Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Nara Hari is our resident expert on mages and the British Ministry. Since the rest of the people who are claiming sanctuary didn't want to deal with you again, he was elected to stand in for them."

"I don't recall ever meeting someone with that unique hair style," said Umbridge coldly. She didn't like having a knife thrown at her.

"Oh, we've met. Repeatedly in fact. Tell me, how did you like dealing with those centaurs after you were dumb enough to piss them off by calling them half breeds? Did you ever get over the terror of remembering it whenever you hear horses?" said Hari evilly.

Umbridge was practically radiating Killing Intent now. Only _two_ people knew about that event, and one of them was that mudblood bitch Granger.

"You're supposed to be dead!" she snarled.

"Oh, the one you're thinking of _died_ alright. Which reminds me... Give Molly my regards when you see her Mr. Weasley," said Hari, cackling as he removed his mask.

Seeing the shocked looks of the wizards and the bitch made his day.

"But... We saw you fall through the Veil!" said Kingsley and Arthur.

"I did fall. But as you can see, the Veil doesn't exactly _kill_ you like everyone assumed. Astral projection and possession is such a fun trick. And since I am legally a Konoha citizen, you can't force me to go back. And Tsunade-sama knows better than to try," smirked Hari.

"Damn straight brat. Last time you were bored it took us a _month_ to clean up after the mess you left. And I swear to kami if you ever set Tora in here on catnip again I will break every bone in your body in a way that it will take _years_ to heal..." growled Tsunade.

"Fair enough...by the way, did you guys ever salvage any of the papers Tora shredded?"

"Hell no! We hired a genin team to clean up the confetti! Best damn ryo I've ever spent since becoming village leader."

"So next time send Tora in while you're not in the office...?"

"Do that to the civilian council and we'll talk..."

"Impossible! I was informed that the boy-who-lived was killed during that fiasco in the Department of Mysteries!"

"My soul was kicked out of my body for a few years until I found my owl again. Soul Possession is one of my best tricks. Now, before you get any ideas, I have absolutely_ no_ intention of going anywhere near Europe, let alone the British Isles, while Dumbledore and the so called Dark Lord are having their hissy fits. And we aren't going to force any of the neutral families to go back just to be forced to take sides."

"But...the prophecy...!" said Rufus.

"You mean the one that was pretty much made null and void the day I first took him out? I wouldn't exactly call the state Voldemort was in at the time living... And that being the case, why haven't you people grown a damn backbone and killed him already? I mean it's not like you don't know how to cast the killing curse yourselves...or that the lackeys of the dark moron are that hard to find. Hell, all you would have to do would make everyone show their arms before entering Gringotts for Hecate's sake!"

Seeing the wizards stare at his suggestion, Tsunade face palmed.

"I thought you were kidding when you said the British Ministry was full of idiots and pansies..."

"They're better trained than most Death Eaters, and the only reason they haven't stopped Voldemort yet is because Dumbledore is too damn chicken to suggest actually _killing_ the idiots. Redemption is fine for some, but there are some people who will never change no matter how much you try," said Hari sagely.

"That being said, you are still a British citizen..." started Umbridge...when she felt the presence of someone behind her.

Two or three of the wizards turned to find... three copies of Hari looking annoyed at them all.

"Do you really want someone who has a multiple personality problem, one of which was recently converted to a god that practically demands the bloody corpses of others as payment for power?" he asked evilly.

Tsunade whipped around to look at him and swore.

"Please for the love of all things holy tell me you didn't allow your sadist side to become a Jashinist..."

"Considering I ran into one and my Slytherin side hit it off with the man in order to avoid a pointless and possibly boring fight..."

"FUCK!"

"What's a Jashinist?"

"Someone who's idea of a perfect afterlife is eternal suffering and who gets off on pain during a fight," said Hari bluntly. Seeing the Ministry people pale just made his day.

That being said, as long as his Slytherin side didn't try to force his new religion on the other four, they wouldn't kill him painfully in his sleep.

Considering one of his personalities was a demon who could literally eat souls like it was nothing, that side of him had been behaving more than usual. Needless to say his Hufflepuff side got along great with the turtle...as did the Ravenclaw who would often spark up debates with said turtle...

It didn't take long for the Ministry lackeys to leave more confused than before...or for word to finally get out about what really happened to their beloved Boy-who-lived...who no longer wanted anything to do with the magical communities.

The number of reprints the Prophet had to make after Rita snuck into that particular meeting between Konoha and the Ministry made the news about the first so called defeat of Voldemort pale in comparison...followed closely by the news of Harry's so called 'death'.

* * *

"You know, normally I would be worried when the Gemini start to cackle like me when I'm very bored...but considering I supply over half their prank ideas that they've been selling to the shinobi of over genin rank..." said Hari.

"I don't try to neuter them only because they treat me like a goddess. That being said, if I find catnip in my closet one more time..." said Yugito with a growl.

Much to the surprise of the Raikage, sending Yugito to marry Hari did in fact improve relations between the two villages to the point that the Hyuuga weren't trying to kill Kumo ninja on sight when out of the village.

Why? Because Yugito managed to rein in Hari enough to the point that Hiashi was willing to forgive the village. The sad fact was that Hari tended to hit the Hyuuga clan more often than not because on of the members had pissed him off.

Strangely, Hinata was the only member of the clan who had yet to be hit by one of his mass pranks. Specialized pranks designed to cheer her up, yes, but none of the humiliating mass pranks Hari favored so much.

Roughly a month after the Ministry representatives came and went, Naruto and Jiraiya ran into Hari and Yugito while on a mission. Their trip had been delayed due to the fact Jiraiya made the mistake of pissing off Hari to the point where he let his Slytherin side come out to fight the Toad Sage.

Jiraiya would never make another joke about Hari's measurements again. Not if he wanted to fight a cranky Pseudo Jashinist who wanted to eat his brains.

(Slytherin Hari had been watching a zombie marathon featuring the _Resident Evil _series and the _Living Dead_. And nothing more shall be said of the matter aside from the fact he nearly gave Tsunade a heart attack when Hufflepuff went to the Hospital for his volunteering time and decided to play that joke on the Hokage.)

Yugito glared at her partner. Despite essentially being sold off to Konoha, Hari was actually a decent husband. Enough so that she never thought she got the raw end of the deal.

The fact she had yet to hear one of B's raps for months was just a huge bonus in her opinion.

"Alright you two, what are you up to this time?"

"We need someone to test our newest line..." said George.

"Too bad we have to do a resupply run to Kumo tomorrow."

"Wait, we're heading to Kumo tomorrow? Why didn't you say anything before?"

"So I could see the look on your face when you heard that you were going home for a week."

Yugito looked both pleased...and upset about that. On one hand, she could see her home again and stay for a week...on another, she would have to deal with Bee again.

"By the way, is it true Bee and Hachibi get along so well there isn't any feedback?"

"Yes. It's one of the reasons why he is often sent with only his students as back up...well that and the fact most missing nin are more likely to gouge their own ears out when they hear him rapping."

"Which is why the Raikage pays me to make it impossible for his brother to rap. Which reminds me... Fred, George, do you have anything that will go off whenever certain conditions are met?"

"Like what, brother after our own hearts?"

"Like if someone raps so badly that it's considered a torture technique," said Hari smirking. Yugito got the idea of what he was asking and soon had an evil grin of her own.

While she was a bit uptight most days, when it came to pranking certain people she was in a league of her own. Her personality counterbalanced Hari's perfectly. And like the saying goes: Opposites Attract.

"We have just the thing!" said Fred eagerly.

By the time the twins finished loading up the two, Yugito had a smile reminiscent of her husband/partner. Killer Bee was in for a nasty surprise when she was through with him.

* * *

"So you are the infamous Ghost. I've heard plenty of rumors about you."

"Meh. If you heard the ones I kept getting while I was still young and naïve, you would probably believe even more of them."

"How is Yugito?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself? Tsunade was more than happy to have her escort me to Kumo...coincidentally if you hear your brother crying in pain, it probably the modified shock tags she tricked him to sit on."

"Modified shock tags?"

"It's the darnedest thing... they don't zap you when you sit on them, however if you go above a certain decibel level while rapping they go off like a cattle prod..." said Hari innocently.

A Killer stared at him...before holding his sides. He hadn't had such a good laugh in years. While the silence tags were great (his headaches weren't nearly as frequent now!) he would love to get his hands on some of those tags.

"Also available from the Gemini twins, shock tags that go off at a distance!" said Hari, grinning.

"What do you want to trade for those? And how long do they last?"

"I do have a request from the Hyuuga clan. So in exchange for the...item in question...I can give you fifty tags that are good for ten shocks each."

A Killer read the scroll, and nodded.

"Done. We'll give you Hiashi Hyuuga's body in exchange for the tags. Do you have any for the councils?"

"For them, I have another set," said Hari.

"What do you want in exchange?" asked A, grinning evilly. He could already tell that he liked this kid, even if he had to give up one of the Jinchuriki in their village. At least he knew that Hari treated her like a human being.

Half an hour later, Yugito came in and gave her report. A Killer was rather impressed by Hari. The mere fact that he had found a way to give his separate personalities a way to fight alongside him made him a viable threat. Even his BINGO book listing had gone up since his appearance.

A Killer glanced at the listing.

_**Nara Hari**_

_**Nicknames:**_** Ghost of Konoha**

_**Age:**_** 18**

_**Sex:**_** Male**

_**Rank:**_** A Rank Jounin**

_**Village:**_** Konoha**

_**Specialty:**_** Astral Projection and Possession**

**Is certifiably insane, and confirmed to have five distinct personalities inside his mind. Is a known interrogator who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty. Hari Nara is noted to be able to jump into Jinchuriki's minds and control them, despite the demons. One of his more noted attributes is that he can bring out the legendary summon of the Owl clan, who is a Senjutsu adept as well as being head of an entire Battle Owl Tier. His only known affiliation is with the Nara clan, despite being adopted.**

_**Bounty:**_** 2,500,000 ryo if alive, 1,250,000 dead**

"Tell me Yugito...are you happy?"

"Considering the alternative? Yes. Hari treats me like his equal and he actually listens to my opinion. Considering how hard it was for me to actually find a decent guy who wasn't trying to use me, I think I got the better end of this deal."

"He hasn't tried to control the Nibi?"

"He doesn't need to. Nibi actually likes him to a point, and he rarely goes on missions where he has to go all out."

"I've heard rumors that he frequently runs across S class nin...yet he still has never truly pulled out all the stops."

Yugito snorted.

"He has yet to see the need. Half the time one of his personalities clicks with the opposing party and they usually hit it off. I heard he once ran into an honest-to-kami Jashinist and his sadist side ended up clicking with the man to the point where his partner went to get very drunk. Now his sadist side is a Jashinist who is kept in check by two of the five personalities."

The Raikage sweatdropped.

"How the hell does Tsunade manage to read those reports?"

Yugito looked highly amused.

"According to Anko, if there is even a remote chance that something strange by his standards occur on one of his missions, Tsunade throws them into the done pile without actually reading them unless she needs to know. According to his adopted father, the last time someone tried to read one of his 'strange' reports they nearly drained an entire bar of liquor just trying to finish it."

The Raikage laughed. Then wondered how bad those reports could be that the reader had to drain an entire bar just to get through it...


End file.
